Community Chat

[Flatbush]

No, she shouldn't go.

[chiclets]

When you say funeral do you mean the wake, a church service, or graveside.

Anyone can attend a church service or graveside burial without bringing attention to themselves.

To attend the funeral home would mean she would be in the presence of others and would be disrespectful to the family unless she calls the family first and gets their approval.

She might want closure, or she might just want to view the body if the casket is opened for her own reasons.

I would say no to the funeral home and a maybe to the church service or burial sight.

No would be better.

[Desertdi]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

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@Desertdi wrote:

Why can't she attend the funeral with their children?    Or if they live far away, attend as their representative?

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@Desertdi   ????  The sister has no children with the ex.

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@Cakers3   I misunderstood.   Apparently, it is the sister of the subject who has children.   Sorry.

[jannabelle1]

Good grief, why in the world would she even want to attend his funeral? My situation is quite similar to your sister's, and there is no way I would ever want to pay my respect to my ex. He has his cheating wife to grieve - my grieving ended when our marriage ended. Your sister needs to stay away.

[lovesrecess]

I think it is some kind of closure she feels she needs. She hasn’t really said much when I ask her.

[Drythe]

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@Carmie wrote:

I would go to the funeral home earlier in the day before the family and friends arrive.  The funeral directors usually have no problems with this. She can call ahead and check.

Your sister can pay her last respects and high tail out of there to avoid confrontation.

I have a family member who is a funeral director.  Many people do this, especially if they want to take children or a handicapped person for a last visit.  I often do this myself.  

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@Carmie 

I think this is an excellent idea.  

Gives an opportunity for closure, and is respectful to the feelings of others.

[Sheila P-Burg]

@lovesrecess  ..... I really do not mean to come across as "harsh" and I am going to try to word this as nicely as possible.

She has been divorced for 14 years. The divorce was not "amicable". His family has been hostile toward her since the divorce. He was still living with the woman he supposedly cheated with at the time of his death. She does not know if they had any children.

In what possible scenario does your sister feel there will be any kind of positive reaction of her presence being at the funeral. Evidently nobody in the family wants her there. Again, I ask you to read @Sooner post. Your sister will cause this family that is in mourning pain and anguish years after the funeral.

She has been divorced for 14 years. She should have already had closure on that part of her life and moved on. What kind of closure could she possibly get attending a funeral she is not welcome at?

[sunshine45]

i know that a few people said she should go early in the day to pay her respects, before anyone else is there (which i think is a mistake), but does a funeral home just let anyone go in and  see the body or be near the casket or pay their respects when family members are not there? do they CALL the family to even see if that is okay? i would think that this would not be allowed?

[tobes]

@sunshine45 She needs to do what she thinks best for her

[sunshine45]

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@tobes wrote:

@sunshine45 She needs to do what she thinks best for her

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@tobes 

i disagree......and i stated my reasons why in several posts.

what is "best for her" may not be the best for everyone else involved.

you cannot always make it about "yourself" only.