Community Chat

[LilacTree]

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@cherry wrote:

I didn't see it here. I was just wondering  why  a young nurse was so eager to  send my husband to a nursing home. He could dress himself, feed himself, get in and out of bed by himself..

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@cherry

. . . cherry, why did you let him go?  Am I not understanding something?

[LilacTree]

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@RetRN wrote:

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@chiclet wrote:

I am original poster and when my sister had her stroke she fell and hit her head on the coffee table.  She was fuzzy at first and seemed to be living in the past but that cleared up after a few weeks.  During that time she signed power of attorney to her daughters who drew out all her money and put it in their names to pay for this assisted living.  My sister feels that at 4000 a month she will be broke soon and then what.  I have no say in anything but just listen to her and feel so heartbroken for her.  I think independent living would be good.  She has MS but it is not degenerating fast.  She seems to be stable in that regard.  I guess I am just venting because my friends don't like talking about depressing things. I don't either but I just need somewhere to let it out.  She misses her dogs so much and being able to walk around outside with them.  Thanks for reading my post and for your suggestions and prayers.  I appreciate it so much.

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I feel even sadder after reading this. I would get that POA revoked if possible. Can't help but question the daughter's motives. I will keep you and your sister in my thoughts and prayers. 

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@chiclet@RetRN

Do everything you can to give her back her life.  Please.

[LilacTree]

This thread not only makes me sad, but HORRIFIES ME!!!

[drizzellla]

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@drizzellla wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

I see advertised on TV with Joan Lunden a free service for elders called A PLACE FOR MOM. They assist you to find the right place to live. Within your budget - correct level of care etc. She should find out about this service and use it if it's available where you live. I would google A PLACE FOR MOM .

I looked it up - the number is 866 -343-8925

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My husband used A Place for Mom when his sister told him that she could not longer take care of their Mom. I talked to the young lady that was finding a place for my husband's Mom. She found such a nice place. It was about 6 miles from our house. And when my husband's Mom moved in, she actually thrived. When she was living at her daughter's house she was alone much of the time. But in this nursing home she was around people. They paired her with a roommate that as had memory issues. So their conversations were a bit wacky at times but they genuinely liked one another. 

The Staff at the facility were stable and knew all their patients well. And we also knew all the staff. It was a good relationship.

We were so pleased with the faciliy. And behind the facility was Tyler State Park. So they could watch the deer walking around out their windorws. I couldn't be more pleased with A Place for Mom and the nice job they did placing my Mother-in-law.

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@drizzellla

I would imagine this kind of place is very expensive.  I talked to A Place for Mom (hate that name) several times and had people calling me all the time until I put an end to it.  The cheapest place was $5,000 a month. 

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It wasn't cheap but she went on Medicaid.

[jonbon]

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@janeec wrote:

Many life plan communities (formerly continuing care communities) have several options besides assisted living.  They have independent living apartments with the option of contracting someone to come in to assist with bathing, etc, as needed.  Yes, this is an extra cost, but many times the grand total is less per month than assisted living.  The monthly fee includes cleaning every other week, one meal daily in the dining room, cable, phone, electricity, water, and garbage.  

There should be daily activities available, and volunteers to assist residents if necessary.  Usually there are weekly trips to the grocery store.  The residents in independent living are there for different reasons.  They may not want the responsibility of home ownership anymore, they may want to live close to other people, or "just in case" for safety (perhaps a history of falling.)

In any case, it sounds as if the facility she currently is residing in is not a good fit.  Best wishes.

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The facility you describe sounds similar to the one into which my 87-year-old mom moved last year, after the death of my dad. She is so happy not to have to worry about anything anymore (cooking, problems related to their condo, etc.) and is generally very happy where she is. She has friends there (both people she knew before moving in and people she has met since moving there) and attends several classes and activities every week (exercise, yoga, etc.). The weekends are a little long for her, as there isn't as much going on and she voluntarily gave up her car as she was self-aware enough to know that she was no longer safe, but in the big picture, it was a good move for her. My brother who lives nearby spent (and still spends) a lot of time taking care of things for her (selling her condo, moving her, getting all of her financial things in order after my dad's death, etc.) -- I feel so grateful to him (and his wife) for being so good to her. I might add that she is mobile and very able physically, but is beginning to have some major memory problems. She and my dad really compensated for each other's weaknesses until he died -- his mind was clear as a bell, but he had so many physical problems; she did a lot of physical caretaking over the last several years of his life.

[cherry]

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@cherry wrote:

I didn't see it here. I was just wondering  why  a young nurse was so eager to  send my husband to a nursing home. He could dress himself, feed himself, get in and out of bed by himself..

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@cherry

. . . cherry, why did you let him go?  Am I not understanding something?

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*I didn't. The nurse kept trying to send him there, to recover. My husband refused to go

[Cakers3]

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@chiclet wrote:

I am original poster and when my sister had her stroke she fell and hit her head on the coffee table.  She was fuzzy at first and seemed to be living in the past but that cleared up after a few weeks.  During that time she signed power of attorney to her daughters who drew out all her money and put it in their names to pay for this assisted living.  My sister feels that at 4000 a month she will be broke soon and then what.  I have no say in anything but just listen to her and feel so heartbroken for her.  I think independent living would be good.  She has MS but it is not degenerating fast.  She seems to be stable in that regard.  I guess I am just venting because my friends don't like talking about depressing things. I don't either but I just need somewhere to let it out.  She misses her dogs so much and being able to walk around outside with them.  Thanks for reading my post and for your suggestions and prayers.  I appreciate it so much.

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@chiclet  I was a little confused regarding the time frame.  What I am reading is that your sister did have some problems medically in terms of the stroke so that is why her daughters felt assisted living would be better for her.

Was there any coordination of health care between her physician and the daughters?  Perhaps they thought another stroke might happen with worse results.

And even though your sister is doing  ok with MS, it is a very unpredictable illness.

One day of feeling good and the next day falling can be an issue.  

It sounds as thought the daughters thought they were doing the best for your sister; falling from the stroke, impaired cognition even temporary, and MS.

I'm sorry your sister is having such a difficult time; I don't know much about assisted living and all but perhaps you can talk with her daughters and see what else can be done. 

Elder services in your area is a good place to start; if you can present options to her daughters it might ease their concerns, too. 

I wish your sister all the best.

[tansy]

The financial thing happened awfully fast, @Cakers3.  I would have expected one or both sisters would have been added to their mom’s account, rather than taking it over.  

@chiclet, your sister’s facility should have an ombudsman who the two of you could at least discuss concerns about her living situation.  Can you visit her?  

[RedTop]

@chiclet

Based on what I’m reading, if your sister could be assessed by the physician caring for the residents of this facility, he/she may in fact agree that your sister does not require this level of care.   Better to figure this out now, than let her over pay for more services than she requires, and then have to leave the facility when her money runs out- - -when she may actually need skilled nursing care.    

It sounds like she would be more suited to live in a small apartment with a life alert system, and someone who comes in frequently to assist with any special needs.   

I would be talking to my nieces and helping them see they went overboard with caring for their mothers needs.   

[software]

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@cherry wrote:

I didn't see it here. I was just wondering  why  a young nurse was so eager to  send my husband to a nursing home. He could dress himself, feed himself, get in and out of bed by himself..

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The employees are pressured to sign up people.

When my parents were sick with cancer and I was too ill myself to care for them, I was hounded by the nursing home to place them.   High pressure sales.   Then next is the hospice, again high sales pressure.   Nursing homes get a greater reimbursement for a hospice patient.    

Follow the money, it explains everything.