Community Chat

[nycgrl]

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@goldensrbest wrote:

I am very lonely,  i would love someone to go out to lunch with, the movies ,things like that, i just can't seem to make it happen.

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Ditto.  

Not everyone has a choice. I didn't choose to be alone, but I am. I am an only child, most of the people I grew up with are gone (one way or the other) and I have no children.  I work full time, live alone with my furbaby and the few acquaintances I have are married and/or the single ones are desperately seeking. I have little interest in being a third wheel and I'm not desperately seeking "the one".  My "one" is gone and I don't expect there to be another unfortunately. I have zero interest in online dating or the like. I accept my lot in life, but at times it is depressing and although I am not needy, I occasionally get lonely and would love to go to dinner and a movie with someone. I listen to everyone at work talk about their exciting weekends and all the things they do and I cannot deny that I am envious. It would be nice to have someone to lean on once in a while.

[jubilant]

I agree that everyone has felt lonely at some time or other. I also agree with those that say you can be surrounded by people and still be lonely. There is a line here,however, that crosses over into depression. That is why I think we need balance in our lives.

After reading more of these posts, I really believe that some (not all) are lonely due to depression.  Sometimes the best way of dealing with that is to do the opposite of what you "want" to do.  If we are always giving into our wants of the moment..... or do the same things in the same way....nothing changes....It may seem easier...but, in the long run...life doesn't get better.  Please understand, I am talking to those here who are depressed and have admitted they are or don't want to admit they are. 

[Tinkrbl44]

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@TX-starlight wrote:

I am an only child, just lost my mom last yr, lost dad 11 yrs ago, only have 1 son, but 4 g-kids. I am lonely at times, most of my friends are married. I am very active in going to watch my g-kids activities. Sometimes I wish for a man to share time with, then I realize how fortunate I am to have my freedom. I have been divorced for 20+yrs & would not want someone here full time,lol.. I do not want someone to cook & clean for 24/7. 

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@TX-starlight

It's pretty common that married people have more married friends .....  and vice versa for single people.  It changes when a single person or a married person's relationship ends.    

Just a suggestion ......   make an effort to cultivate friendships with single people and you'll have a much better social life.  Married friends will always have much less time to spend time with their single friends.   It is what it is.

[LilacTree]

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@chiclet wrote:

I am happiest when I am around people and talking and laughing. If I am alone too much I think too much and worry too much.  I do like having along time too get things done and do what I want but I guess I need balance between the two to be happy.  I have a husband but he we are so different that conversations don't exist.  If you express a differing opinion it turns into a fight so we mainly just do necessity talk ......what do you want for dinner, the faucet is dripping,  the dogs need to go out. etc....For me marriage is lonely.

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@chiclet

I agree with that statement.  My first marriage was a disaster.  He married me to have good looking kids.  He would have been happy to bog me down with nine or ten kids (as his sisters had) and never, ever loved me.  He was kind to me, that was it.  He gave me flowers for my birthday when all I wanted was to have him put his arms around me.

Don't misunderstand me . . . I adore my children and my grandchildren, but I resent how I was "used."  He did it to his second wife also (far more beautiful than me) but she cheated on him after bearing just one child, a boy (mine were all girls). 

His third wife was Mexican woman and had a huge wealthy family and that's when he moved to CA and we rarely saw him again.  He died last January 2016 and had a huge funeral.  They thought of him as a god, and maybe that's what he always needed.  They had no children.

Second husband . . . not worth mentioning.  I thought I had to be married and I didn't have anything in common with him.  It lasted two years.

I did not have a simple life, that's for sure.  So I welcome the simplicity of it now.  Just wish I was healthier.

[LilacTree]

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@Lindsays Grandma wrote:

I don't live alone yet I am lonely.  I am lonely for the three dear friends who are gone because of breast cancer.  I will always miss my mother and father, two of the most wonderful parents a child could have. Yes, it is possible to be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.

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@Lindsays Grandma

That is so sad, LG.  (((Hugs to you)))

[Trinity11]

No, I am not lonely. I have a husband that I love deeply and two wonderful adult children. Some really good friends have passed away and I miss them, though. I try to be grateful for the blessings that I have. I realize in so many ways I have much to be thankful for.

[Tinkrbl44]

I was an only child until almost 7 years old when my sister was born, and I've never had any problem with  being alone.   From childhood, I've had a highly developed inner life, and the only times I've ever felt "lonely" was when I was in a crowd of people.   I cherish and re-charge my batteries in solitude.

[Tinkrbl44]

Reading through this thread, I'm surprised that a few posters aren't clear on the difference between an introvert and an extrovert.    Science has proved that the brain chemistry differs, and can significantly affect our personal and work relationships.

Here's the link for the story .... and a VERY helpful chart.  

[sidsmom]

[Newgate]

There are introverts and extroverts!  I am definitely an introvert who has to have some alone time to be truely happy!  But I do enjoy people also, just not all the time!  I enjoy close friends and family to be with part of the time!  All of my life I have been referred to as anti-social or conceited!  I have never had a huge group of friends but I am very happy in that way!   I have a good long happy marriage!   Some people will never understand a introvert!

That being said, no I am not lonely!  I enjoy being me!!