Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Stella Dallas · ‎01-13-2015

Well, I can see that giving my advice was like shouting down a well ${#emotions_dlg.laugh}$

maryebrown_1 · ‎09-14-2012

On 3/13/2015 ditzy dori said: Wow!!! I just logged on and I'm amazed at all of the responses. Thanks so much to all who took the time to respond. I feel much, much better today. My grand daughter will be with me this weekend, gerbel included. You are correct. For 40 years I stayed and fed into his me me attitude. He def is not going to change now. Him going was just a reminder of all the poor choices I've made in the past. I now made the choice to stay with him until death we do part. For those of you who asked, my disabled son does not live with me any longer. He finally got ssd and moved to n.c. With his wife. Yes, my husband was very sick last year at this time with melanoma and colon cancer, discovered a week apart. He is doing ok. He keeps very busy staying at home. He cooks, volunteers, fixed this house up for selling, etc. The condo in Florida is already fixed up with furniture, etc. this trip is purely pleasure. He went down 2 weeks after the closing to fix it up and I stayed here to work, back in October. Then I didn't give it a though because he needed to go down. I can't retire early as I'm a school aide and am getting an incentive for retiring, effective June 30. Leaving now would forfeit that. I am honored that you all took the time to give me advice. A mixed bag of advice, I must say. I already made some plans next week so, there you go, a nice change of perspective. Mr charm will never be any different, unfortunately. We bought a condo in a 55 plus with tons of activities so I will keep myself busy. Plus a lot of nice churches to go to, which means a lot to me. We'll have a great evening everyone.

I wish you The Best but I have a gut feeling that it won't happen! Keeping oneself "busy" cannot/does not fill the obvious void that is missing for you in your marriage. (I would NEVER tolerate 40 years of being a doormat for a self-absorbed Husband). Ohhh, BTW, DH & I had our 40th Anniversary last August! Wink

Also...until "your Mr. Charm" realizes just how MISERABLE he has made you...And, until you REALLY start to communicate with *Mr. Me Me*... your future life/happiness with him, during your constant retirement/togetherness, will NEVER change for the better. I have no idea why you appear to be so masochistic but Your words say everything, to the posters here, yet you won't tell him about your feelings? ${#emotions_dlg.crying}$ The bottom line is that He'll continue with his actions (because of YOUR inaction/inability to really communicate with him) for 40 freakin' years. Poor choices, yes, and they are/have been yours. You need to grow a backbone if you want to have A Life with him.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

O/P: You will find lots of friends and things to do in your new community! Who knows, your DH may just see you happy, mingling with friends, etc., and decide to take part in some of your events and adventures! If not, just continue on, enjoy yourself! Lots of good luck to you both.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

goodstuff · ‎03-09-2010

On 3/13/2015 abbeythe8th said:
ditzy dori,

Your name has always caught my attention so I remember a lot of your posts. I'm not trying to be cruel but you said in the past the only reason you stayed with your husband was because you had an adult disabled son and your husband would not take care of him if you left. Is your son still with you? If he is not, maybe it's time to leave this man who has been emotionally and verbally abusive to you.

This man is not going to change. I'd be glad to have time away from him.

Emotionally and verbally abusive? Did OP say this?

123SuzyQ123 · ‎03-09-2010

When I was younger, I always thought I would like to retire at the beach, in a small beach house or condo. I spoke about it to my husband many times and he always seemed to be in agreement. Well, now I am retired (he is not), but last year he offered for us to go ahead and buy the place at the beach and I could go ahead and move there and be living there and enjoying it and he would join me there when he retires (in 2 years). I turned that down because I do not see living at the beach ALONE for 2 years is a great deal of fun!

So, I don't see the OP's hubby having much fun at the beach alone....but everyone is different!

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

On 3/14/2015 suzieQ4me said:
When I was younger, I always thought I would like to retire at the beach, in a small beach house or condo. I spoke about it to my husband many times and he always seemed to be in agreement. Well, now I am retired (he is not), but last year he offered for us to go ahead and buy the place at the beach and I could go ahead and move there and be living there and enjoying it and he would join me there when he retires (in 2 years). I turned that down because I do not see living at the beach ALONE for 2 years is a great deal of fun!

They call that being separated......lol.

123SuzyQ123 · ‎03-09-2010

On 3/14/2015 chrystaltree said:
On 3/14/2015 suzieQ4me said:
When I was younger, I always thought I would like to retire at the beach, in a small beach house or condo. I spoke about it to my husband many times and he always seemed to be in agreement. Well, now I am retired (he is not), but last year he offered for us to go ahead and buy the place at the beach and I could go ahead and move there and be living there and enjoying it and he would join me there when he retires (in 2 years). I turned that down because I do not see living at the beach ALONE for 2 years is a great deal of fun!

They call that being separated......lol.

Exactly right....and.....we ARE separated now! I took that as a big hint that he did not want to be with me any longer, so we are separated!!

sidsmom · ‎11-25-2011

On 3/13/2015 Stella Dallas said:
On 3/13/2015 Alley Catvocate said:
He is a man... They do not think as deeply as we do..

I really hate stereotypes like this. Replace "man" with "woman" or "African-American" or any other noun, and you can see how offensive this is.

ITA.

Also, making a mass generalization like this clearly shows this poster (and other posters agreeing) they've never had a quality man in their life. They are out there...speaking from experience.

abbeythe 8th · ‎04-17-2010

On 3/14/2015 GoodStuff said:
On 3/13/2015 abbeythe8th said:
ditzy dori,

Your name has always caught my attention so I remember a lot of your posts. I'm not trying to be cruel but you said in the past the only reason you stayed with your husband was because you had an adult disabled son and your husband would not take care of him if you left. Is your son still with you? If he is not, maybe it's time to leave this man who has been emotionally and verbally abusive to you.

This man is not going to change. I'd be glad to have time away from him.

Emotionally and verbally abusive? Did OP say this?

Not on this thread but over the years she has and painted a sad picture of her life with him.