Community Chat

[Noel7]

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@DoneTryin wrote:

Most of the people I've known who behave this way use it as a passive-aggressive tool for being in control. 

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@DoneTryin

That's a common misconception.

I'm not saying there aren't people who are manipulative, but very often it's an ADD or ADHD thing.

[terriebear]

  I have been in management for years with a staff of over 40 people.  If you a co-worker there is nothing you can do.  If you are in management, and do nothing you are setting a precident, and I can bet other co-workers are wondering why you are putting up with cronik tardiness and poor performance, i.e. water cooler gossip.  For such a worker, a paper trail should be drawn up.  I bring a worker in and have a sit down chat.  Talk about the importance of being on time and work done correctly the first time. I draw up a contract. I usually say I will meet with them in 30 days.  Any infraction within that time frame will be noted.  But a second infraction, within the 30 days will be grounds for dismissal.  I have them sign a copy of our meeting and give the employee a copy. This is put in his/her file.  Meet again in 30 days, discuss how this went and repeat the goals.  This usually stops the tardiness and poor, sloppy work.  I also am available for any questions they may have to mentor them, or to assign a mentor to help with work, before poor work is turned in.  Does this person need another placement?  Is he in the right position, etc.?  Hope this helps.  

[DoneTryin]

@terriebear  Thanks for the advice.  Alas, there's nothing I can do about it.  This person is a student.

[Noel7]

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@chickenbutt wrote:

That's a good point, Noel!  

I never thought of 'coping mechanism'.  It translated to me as 'oh ha ha I don't care that I held everybody else up, so get over it'.  Live and learn, eh?     

I've actually been working hard, the last few years, at opening my mind up more at the things that really bother me.  Clearly, this has always been one of them since I fancy myself so responsible.   That makes the 'always late, never seeming to care' thing translate as irresponsible in my brain.  

Sometimes i probably have too large a sense of order and sense of justice.  

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I knew a woman like that years ago when my daughter was little.  She tried to become active in school matters, our kids were in elementary school together, but she kept being late and forgetting things.

She started talking to me about it one day and broke down crying, saying her husband berated her every day for being late, forgetting to do laundry, etc.    I mentioned ADD and she said she was seeing a specialist who was helping her learn to cope. 

[Burnsite]

I have seen this at work and for me it is the lesser of two evils.

People do make mistakes and I don't mind apologies. 

Crude indifference to bad work is worse, imo. Blaming other people.  Blaming the weather.

I don't mind apologizers.

[magicmoodz]

Aside from  the issue of being punctual, I worked with someone who proudly professed "it is easier to ask forgiveness than ask permission."  ThIs man took great rIsks thinking if he atoned for his sins, all was well.  His MO lasted for several years until he was terminated.  Good riddance!

[Stray]

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@DoneTryin wrote:

Ever deal with someone who's always late and/or incorrect about getting something done at work, then they're always apologizing?  It's as if they think if they apologize, their track history of being late/incorrect will be forgiven.  Arrrrgggghhhhh!

formerly VCamp2748

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I have been late once in a blizzard commuting to NYC from NJ via public transportation; 20 minutes but considering no one else showed up, I forgave myself.   As for others being late, no tolerance; some say latecomers like to be noticed....I had one person who reported to me, habitually late...I changed her hours three times inconveniencing myself. She was a single mom so I tried....I finally fired her.

[oceantown]

@Noel7,

Thanks for posting those two articles.  Very helpful.

[hckynutjohn]

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@DoneTryin wrote:

Ever deal with someone who's always late and/or incorrect about getting something done at work, then they're always apologizing?  It's as if they think if they apologize, their track history of being late/incorrect will be forgiven.  Arrrrgggghhhhh!

formerly VCamp2748

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@DoneTryin

Yep, I've dealt with them, but the ones that were late twice? If they were friend or family and they gave me a "will meet you there at 7"? I gave 'em 5 minutes and then I left. One friend got left behind on many of my auto racing trips. He would end up driving his own car, sometimes several hundred miles, by himself. He never did change nor have I.

At work? Much more blunt with, "save your line of s**t, don't wanna hear it, tell someone that gives a rats behind". My adult hockey league? Late too many times? They are now a former player. They knew my rule on being on time.

When there were people I had to deal with and they started the apology bs? I'd look them square in the eyes, say nothing and turn around and walk away. Bosses/co-workers/friends or family, I did/do things exactly the same.

They don't respect my time? I owe them nothing, not even my ear.  NO  Arrrrgggghhhh for me.

hckynut(john)

[Noel7]

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@oceantown wrote:

@Noel7,

Thanks for posting those two articles.  Very helpful.

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@oceantown

Thank YOU, I am so glad someone is interested in the subject.  There seems to be more and more that we are discovering about behavior, and that not everything is because someone is just a jerk.

There's a lot online about ADD, ADHD and learning disabilities and how they affect behavior.  Often kids with those issues act out in school and are considered troublemakers.  They realize they are different and often times they are rejected by other kids because they are different.