Community Chat

[viva923]

trust is earned. Now a days trust has been lost. Sell a product, the truth is hidden among vague real sentences. Same with what people say. You have listen to what people say. Weed out the good with the bad wording. Make your own conclusion of what was said.

[Cakers3]

---

@Moonchilde wrote:

---

@Cakers3 wrote:

---

@hckynut wrote:

@Moonchilde

My young life experiences were pretty much the opposite of yours. Like you, I carried my young life over into adulthood, and up and into my "golden years". I can't imagine being happy and living a fun and satisfying life if I trusted no one. I know I couldn't.

Sure, I have been kicked in the butt many times, some much worse than others. Those experiences however have never led me to not trust everyone because a small percentage of those I trusted hit me where it hurts most. Life, for myself anyways, is too short to live trusting no one.

hckynut

---

@hckynut  I agree with this post and the one you posted above.

"Trust" is subjective; family, friends, doctors, co-workers, posters here-it's all in our perception of real vs. imagined slights we feel regarding anyone.

Granted, being robbed in a scam or taken advantage of by a loved one are obvious reasons to mistrust a certain person ever again.

One incident of being hurt by another is no reason not to "trust" anyone ever again.

Who a person is will be evident enough in time;  our own common sense needs to be expanded rather than a sense of mistrust across the board.

---

LOL.

I had actually composed another entire post, clarifying and qualifying my first post, before I saw this one. It was not “in response” to hckynut’s post either, but more that I felt a desire to clarify regarding the general conversation and the thoughts of others in the thread. However, I hesitated before I hit Post, and then canceled it.

The reason I decided “never mind” is illustrated excellently by your post - thank you for validating my decision.

It’s so easy to invalidate and dismiss the thoughts and feelings of others - because you “just know” that their feelings are invalid, whereas of course yours couldn’t possibly be, right?

---

@Moonchilde  ???  I'm not following you.  I'm not here to invalidate anybody's feelings while indicating anyplace that mine are holy of holies.

I cannot be responsible for how you interpreted my post; and neither one of us is right or wrong.  Nor do I consider myself as "validating" your decision; that is yours and yours alone.

I speak often about perception as a controlling factor in how we relate to other people;  I'm not sure why you are taking what I say so badly and so personally.

Carry on. 

[Stormygirl]

@Cakers3 Hi there! Hope ur doing well. I think not only are responses about interpretation...but about wording which can be also deemed openly dissmissive by use of words like "One incident" of being hurt by another is NO reason not to trust anyone" Is judging the lack of trust as being perception rooted and disqualifying REAL LIFE Trauma.Those words are called "nagative qualifiers"

Also viewing wording  like "common sense" needs to be expanded rather then a sence of mistrust across the board can be viewed as invalidating by those who have every reason to be mistrustful and I believe is why @Moonchilde shut down her intended post. I will let her speak for herself but I know her and understand what she meant.

I "get it" that those like me who say they do not openly trust have NOT had just "one incident" as you stated but MANY MANY in their most formative years where trust or lack of is first  experienced. Slaps, beatings, homelessness, abandonment,orhaned again and again ARE reasons people do not trust. Please do not dismiss that as being no reason for valid feelings.

As much as I do not trust I did post my own REAL LIFE (NOT PERCEPTIONS as per ur wording) experiences on a most personal subject close to my heart so that speaks volumes about my courage and healing.  I do not claw people LOL

Sooo I get her feelings of being invalidated by the use of negative qualifiers. Is definately not about perception for all.........is about being deeply traumatized repeatedly in life. People like us are not monsters, we have big hearts. We DO by that trauma have had to develop a self protective sheild that protects from more emotional or even physical abuse. So yes trust is an earned thing. Has nothing to do with common sense, is all about self sense and survival.

I do not think you meant it the way it was worded.....but is all in the wording which can be quite clearly deemed as invalidation of the feelings of others....even dissmissive. It can shut down any further open sharing of personal trust experiences. I hope in my first post I stated many similar experiences that @Moonchilde was going to hesitently share. I definately do not blame her for not sharing as can be hazardous place here to do that.

I am very happy that some have had a good childhood devoid of any trauma. For those who have had to become survivors, I can tell you is definately not about any perception or single event. Thanks though and have a good one. No worrys.

[Drythe]

Life taught me early that my well being was safest in my own hands.

But, I have learned to respond positively, but have an escape plan - probably as far as I'll grow in this life.

[Cakers3]

@Stormygirl  First, I'm happy to see you are posting.

I do believe what I said is being a tad misinterpreted; that is why I tried to clarify with people who had been scammed or have been hurt by a family member.

I do believe in perception when it comes to a blanket mistrust of people in RL or even here; as much as our perceptions can be molded by past experiences we can also seek resolution to those experiences and enjoy a richer life.

I also need to say without detail that what I experienced as a child would flip your skirt if you knew.  I understand where some folks come from more than you know.  It is not a given when some do not share that life was wonderful for them.

I understand your assessment of your friend's post but please do not assume that anything was meant to denigrate or deny her feelings.  That is why I put ???? in the beginning-to understand, not argue, not dismiss.

Be well-I've read her posts about you and I do sincerely hope you will have a brighter future ahead. 

[Stormygirl]

@Cakers3 aww thank you for sharing..understood. I think can sometimes all be in the wording...no worry. I think most of the time mistrust is over many years, many times and by more then one person. Hopefully we recover to live rich lives as you say. Sometimes though that initial mistrust (the side eye LOL)  is warranted. I never did fully heal but thats another story Sigh. Im sorry about your past too....oh I know am not alone in my horrors.

I believe I am as much as possible and also from what I hear most live on and have a rich life but just never forget. Hugsxxxxxx Stormy

[cherry]

@Stormygirl   has anyone told you recently you are such a sweetheart?

You have the nicest personality ,and the best outlook ,of anyone I have ever met.

You are such an inspiration to so many of us. I am always floored at how upbeat you sound..You be the little engine that could( its a childs story about a train engine that just kept going ,when things were very difficult. He kept saying I think I can

I have had to be and it got me through a mess recently

Just keep telling yourself I think I can..I think I can

You are so special to so many here , remember that

[happycat]

first of @Stormygirl, it always makes my heart happy to see you post. I know a lot of us here think of you often, and miss you and your posts so very much.

As far as trust - Life has taught me its not a great idea to put a lot of faith in humans. And we are living in a time where its just a me, me, me society as I have heard so many times. I have been treated better by strangers than some members of my own family.

[spot555]

As far as I'm concerned, trust must be EARNED. There's no reason to trust someone I've just met. It doesn't matter who they are, or what their profession is (that includes doctors, pastors, etc.)

I had a retail business for several years, & most people wouldn't even believe what goes on. 

As others above said....I trust God above everything & everyone, & myself- that's it. 

[Stormygirl]

@cherry @happycat @LilacTree @spot555 I probably missed some folks I cant see my hand in front of me LOL. Is good to be able to post today. I have missed each and every one of ya'll. (in my southern dawl LOL)

@cherry gosh I have missed you angel...and YOU are an angel. Im so sorry about the struggles you and your husband have had to endure this year. I send love, light and a can do spirit to you both.

Aww am just me....LOL try to be kind....even if I dont agree on something I learn and adjust ..is just my genuine self I guess. I have had so much physical and emotional pain but I am no downer, nobody wants to be around a whiner eh? LOL

See even if I am not a blind truster at first I do have a giant heart......so thats progress eh? (I sound like a Canadian eh eh?) I love humor in all things and strive to maintain my impish sense of humor LOL Now if I canjust get less pain I might actually jump outa this chair and do a dance. LOL Love ya all xxxxxxxxxx Stormy