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04-21-2014 10:35 AM
Who do you go to see? What I mean is where do you draw the line at who you do and don't visit? I've been retired for 8 years and the father of a former co-worker passed away over the weekend. I am still in touch with her somewhat via email but not often - maybe every 3 or 4 months at the most; we exchange birthday cards.. Would you go to the funeral home? Over the years there have been many family members of co-workers who have passed away not to mention actual co-workers. Had I been still working there would be no question about paying my respects. But when is it permissible to stop?
04-21-2014 10:47 AM
This post is bizarre because I thought about posting the exact question last week when I went to one.
In your case, I'd go sign the book if it weren't too far of a drive. I wouldn't go to the family visitation or funeral.
04-21-2014 10:50 AM
No I wouldn't go to the funeral; but if I'm going to the funeral home to sign the book I might as well see my ex co-worker and give her my sympathy. Unless I'd go during ""off"" hours. It's not far at all - 10 minutes away.
04-21-2014 11:04 AM
There is no rule about this. Just follow your heart. If you've liked her over the years and want to show sympathy, go. It would be a kindness. But if you don't feel like it, don't go, just send a card with a heartfelt note and maybe give a phone call in a month or so.
04-21-2014 11:09 AM
Thanks happygal. I know there are no hard and fast rules - just wanted opinions - I appreciate yours.
04-21-2014 11:09 AM
I think only the OP can make the decision whether to go or not to go. I know if you attend, your friend will remember you took the time to show your support for her during a difficult time. I think retiring means showing support for a friend must end. If it is possible to go and won't place undue hardships on you, then go. I think you will be glad you did.
04-21-2014 11:17 AM
I always thought the funeral home visitation was for those very close to the deceased or the family, the funeral ceremony was more generic. According to this post, I have it backwards!
I don't think you are ever obligated to go, but I've gone to funerals while skipping the visitation. As far as the bereaved recognizing your support, etc., I don't think they do unless you are very close to them. They are too involved with other things to make note of who attended and who didn't. I agree that a follow-up call, card, note, etc. are appreciated.
04-21-2014 11:19 AM
04-21-2014 11:22 AM
For people on the "fringe" of my daily life, I tend to go to calling hours, speak to those I know and leave in a short amount of time. I don't attend the funeral or grave services. For me, I have to be close to the deceased or surviving family members to attend more than just calling hours.
I try to especially go to calling hours if I know there won't be many there, as I feel the family may be hurt when there is little turn out. This often happens when someone is very elderly and has very little family left. If I feel so long removed from the people that I don't even want to attend the calling hours, I try to send a note in a card within a couple of weeks of the passing.
I think people often need some note, visit or call in the weeks after all the business of someone's passing is over. As things settle to the new normal, it is nice to know that others are remembering, and thinking of you. I think this is sometimes even more appreciated that going to any services.
04-21-2014 11:22 AM
Frannie, I would not go but I am not one to go to visitations unless it is family or a close friend.
It would be very kind of you to go. I am sure your friend and former co-worker would appreciate your visit.
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