Among Friends

[possummink]

[possummink]

[possummink]

Thank you so much, my Friends, for the kind thoughts  and wishes for Charlie's birthday in Heaven.   Your kindness means a lot to me and helps make a sad day better.  💖

[Snoopp]

You are all amazing, strong women.  I wish you peace and happiness in your lives.  

[geezerette]

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@Snoopp wrote:

You are all amazing, strong women.  I wish you peace and happiness in your lives.  

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@Snoopp 

Thank you for your kind words. ❤️

Speaking only for myself though, most days I feel neither amazing or strong. 💔

I also wish everyone here much peace and happiness--you included.🕊

[River Song]

Hello ladies, I have a question for you all from a widow's perspective. 

Some background, my first husband died 32 years ago and my second husband died just over a year ago, a few months before Covid blew up the world.  My second husband was cremated and a very short obituary posted on the Neptune Society website with just his date of death, no other details.  He did not want a detailed obituary published in the newspaper or online.

Out of the blue, I received a letter from a casual acquaintance of my second husband's asking for details about his death.  Apparently, the woman knew my husband before I met him (not romantically, just casual friends).  She moved out of town at the same time I moved into town so we never met.  She Googled my late husband for some reason, was shocked to see the obituary and now demands to know what happened to him since there were no details in the obituary.  She also searched for the home address and came up with my name, so she put some effort into this.  She probably searched for social media sites, too!

I haven't responded to her and am not sure I will.  I don't know this woman from Adam and my late husband never mentioned her in the thirty years I knew him so she is not a close friend of his.

Frankly, I find her letter to be morbid curiosity, intrusive and nosey.  I can't imagine why she wants to know the details of what happened to him after all these years.  I am a private person and have no desire to reveal personal information to a complete stranger.

What would you do?  Ignore her letter and chalk it up to rude  insensitivity or send her a short polite note giving her the bare minimum of information?     

[geezerette]

@River Song 

Hi there--it's good to "see" you in the forums again!

Wow, that's a weird one.  Have you tried to find out any information about her?  Googling?  Facebook?  I would be somewhat leery of her, especially if she had my address.  

If I were to learn of a casual acquaintance's demise online, I'd mourn a bit to myself and move on.  Or, I might write the widow and express my condolences, but even then I don't think I'd have the audacity to ask about the details of his death.  But to go to such lengths as to contact the widow and demand details is somewhat off putting. The whole thing sounds strange.

So, were I in your situation, I would definitely not respond to her.  At all.  I wouldn't want to encourage any further interaction.  That's me, though.

In my husband's case, I didn't even put out an obituary.  He didn't want anything like that.  So far after almost three years, I haven't been contacted by anyone about him.  Thankfully.

[River Song]

@geezerette ,

Howdy, stranger!  Long time no see.

The letter from this woman is just so strange and weird.  Who sends a letter to a widow asking, nay, demanding details about the life and death of her late spouse?  

Is this what happens in the age of Facebook and other social media that people feel it's their right to know stuff that is none of their business?  That's a rhetorical question, of course it's not their right.  Sheesh.

I did Google this woman and not much came up except for her address.

Her letter is so tone deaf to the pain of widowhood that I am flabbergasted that she had the gall to send it!   Her letter is all about her feelings, how shocked she was to see the obituary.  Really?  I feel like saying, imagine how shocked my late husband and I are!  Mostly, I'm just appalled.  

[geezerette]

@River Song 

It sounds like she may just be one of those people that are tone deaf.

Or maybe she's getting to the age that hearing her peers have passed on reminds her of her own mortality and scares her.

Or it's possible she may have been looking up your husband to see if he was "available".  

Or maybe she's just nosy.  Or plain rude.  You'll probably never know.

I guess I'd just chalk it up to one of the numerous unforeseen oddities a widow has to deal with.  

(If you have a mind to visit, the old gang, along with a few more, are now over in Among Friends in the "Winter Bee Hive" thread.  Stop by and say hello--I know everyone would love to hear from you!  Stay well.❤️)

[possummink]

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@geezerette wrote:

@River Song 

Hi there--it's good to "see" you in the forums again!

Wow, that's a weird one.  Have you tried to find out any information about her?  Googling?  Facebook?  I would be somewhat leery of her, especially if she had my address.  

If I were to learn of a casual acquaintance's demise online, I'd mourn a bit to myself and move on.  Or, I might write the widow and express my condolences, but even then I don't think I'd have the audacity to ask about the details of his death.  But to go to such lengths as to contact the widow and demand details is somewhat off putting. The whole thing sounds strange.

So, were I in your situation, I would definitely not respond to her.  At all.  I wouldn't want to encourage any further interaction.  That's me, though.

In my husband's case, I didn't even put out an obituary.  He didn't want anything like that.  So far after almost three years, I haven't been contacted by anyone about him.  Thankfully.

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@River Song  and  @geezerette 

River Song,  I totally agree with what Geezerette has posted to you.  You don't owe that person one iota of information about your husband.   She has the sensitivity of a cactus.  

I am sorry for your loss.  I hope you are doing well and being well.   🙏