help me -move?

lynbeechwood · ‎03-19-2010

For the past 10 years we have lived in Texas. We moved here from the northeast- away from all family and friends so that as a family of 4 we would be able to have more time together- because my husband no longer would need to travel extensively for work.. Before the move happened, my husband agreed that if we did not like this huge adjustment that we could return to the place we came from. As long as we gave it a chance. It has been 10 years and I still want to go back.

My husband loves where we are now and has no desire to return. I am the complete opposite in that I want to go back so badly and he just will not have it. One of my children woukd also like to return but the other child refuses too. I say children but they are 19 and 21.

My husband wont even acknowledge that the rest of our family members are getting older and that I feel we should be close bye again to spend time together.

I understand that moving is expensive and I would be going from working part time to full time - my children would also have to re-adjust.

I dont know am I being rediculous in thinking moving back is even possible?

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I'm with your husband on this. It would be different if you wanted go back after a year or two after 10 years, Texas is now home to your husband one of the kids. You children are adults not kids. Your husband is happy, he's settled in and content where he is after 10 years. Your desires shouldn't come before his. I think he's the one on firm ground here. I suspect that you never really bought into to the move, you caved in to what he wanted 10 years ago. You didn't stand up for yourself then and tell the truth...no I don't want to move and I won't. It's too late now.

Imaoldhippie · ‎06-10-2015

Im sure you want to be around family and that is very understandable. But keep in mind that almost everything and everyone has changed in 10 years. Your friends have different lives now as well as family. I suggest you go back for an extended visit. I think you will realize that you dont want to move as bad as you think. Maybe you and hubby (or just you) could make an agreement to go visit more frequently. Your child that wants to go back should also do the extended visit, and not jump into a permanent move. They will discover that they no longer have friends there and dont know the family very well. But if they are the type to take a chance then go for it. Hope this helps you some. Good luck

BE THE PERSON YOUR DOG THINKS YOU ARE! (unknown)

Nightowlz · ‎03-11-2010

No it's not ridiculous wanting to move back. I'm in the same boat as you.

I love Texas. I lived there for around 9 yrs total when I was younger. I don't know where NE you are talking about but if that's where family & friends are I understand.

I have lived here with DH around his family for over 40 yrs & want to move when he retires. Thought we were going to do that in about 2 yrs. Now since his parents are older & need help he says he's not retiring until he's 67-68. I know he's doing this because he does not want to move since he has lived here all his life. I have news for him we are moving at some point because I'm spending time with some of my family while we are still around.

Your kids are adult they can either move with you or not.

Good Luck in your move.

lynbeechwood · ‎03-19-2010

Thank you for your responses.

I feel angry at myself for not pushing harder to move back sooner. I have tried all different ways to become involved in my community as well. I have made a few good friends where i work. I actually love my job.

While my childden are legally adult age --I cannot just leave one "child" behind-- because he in no way can live on his own-- being an adult means that you can support yourself financially as well.

which he cannot do.

I am also mad at my husband because he has known the entire time we have lived here that I really wanted to go back and he wouldnt- so what was I supposed to do? I guess I should have argued more then about returning? I have brought up his aging family as well and that does not seem to move him either. I just did not picture this being so permanent.

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@lynbeechwood, this is a tough one! No clear answer it seems. You need to put your head together with DH and see where you each see yourselves five years from now, and longer. This can potentially be a divisive issue but you already know this. Good luck! LM

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@lynbeechwood wrote:
Thank you for your responses.
I feel angry at myself for not pushing harder to move back sooner. I have tried all different ways to become involved in my community as well. I have made a few good friends where i work. I actually love my job.

While my childden are legally adult age --I cannot just leave one "child" behind-- because he in no way can live on his own-- being an adult means that you can support yourself financially as well.
which he cannot do.

I am also mad at my husband because he has known the entire time we have lived here that I really wanted to go back and he wouldnt- so what was I supposed to do? I guess I should have argued more then about returning? I have brought up his aging family as well and that does not seem to move him either. I just did not picture this being so permanent.

Things like this happen when couples don't really talk to each other, not in a meaningful and realistic way. I think early on, you skirted around the issue and hoped your husband would read your mind. You hoped he'd just magically KNOW how much you wanted to go home but you never said anything. The resentment has built up over the years and not to play psychiatrist but I that resentment kept you from putting down roots and building a life where you are. I don't what your situation is but you should tread lightly because you are not being fair to your husband. You should think about getting some couples counsellig.

kaydee50 · ‎02-07-2011

We have been married for 37+ years. DH has always wanted 2 places so he has his in NV and I have mine in Chicago. If you can financially afford it, it's an option. I know how it is to be unhappy in a place that husband is happy in. Life is too short to be miserable. Make yoursefl happy.

SXMGirl · ‎07-07-2010

Since your children are now adults, get on a plane and visit whenever you want to. Moving back may not be as wonderful as you think. People and places change. I hope that in the 10 years that you have been in Texas that you have made some friends and have added enjoyable activities. If not, now is the time. Good luck!

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!

Kachina624 · ‎03-10-2010

I don't blame you for wanting to get out of Texas. I managed to escape but only after I'd spent 35 years of my life there. I got out as soon as I retired, and maybe you'd be smart to aim for the same solution. Retire and split your time between Texas and somewhere else? Winters in Texas and summers in someplace bearable.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment