Among Friends

[elizabethl123]

hubby and i were married 65 years  he passed in jan not a day goes by that i see him  they say each day gets better well when does that happen .  i go to the cemetery   and  talk to him give him all the news then back home to my empty home    thanks for reading this        AMEN

[Misun56]

I can certainly understand Your loneliness, after my husband passed most of our friends who is married somehow lost contact with me.

Shortly after my husband's passing my daughter moved in with her boyfriend I am alone everyday except my pups are always by my side.

I am trying to learn how to cope, accept being alone but it is hard!

[snappyfrappy]

Misun56, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. It seems to me that an unexpected death such as you have experienced would be so much harder than knowing for years in advance. Please know you are precious and that many understand what you are going through. My hubby went to be with the Lord on October 17, 2010 early on a Sunday morning here under hospice. DD and I saw his last breath leave and knew  he was free of years of suffering and pain and with the Lord he loved. He didn't want to be in the hospital, so I am grateful we were able to have him at home. DD is a teacher and had to take a leave to help me at the end.

I'm grateful you have a daughter. My 3 kids are all nearby as are he grands, and I live with one of my girls. My heart aches for those who have nobody to care for them or about them.

You are in what we call the "year of the firsts". Each holiday, or any day that was special to the two of you will be hard. Like anniversaries, and Christmas or Thanksgiving.

And there will be songs you hear that will remind you of your loved one.

Be good to yourself. I know our hubbies would want us to go on living as we would were it the other way around. Some people like to be in grief groups, but that wasn't for me. Others find comfort in writing in a journal. Just putting their feelings into words.

It's hard to live as half a person, but in my experience, it does get easier.

There is a Widow's Thread that's been here for many years. You would be most welcomed there. Nobody judges, nothing is to odd to share, we all have been walking the same path of grief and understand. Life can still be good and you will one day be surprised when you laugh or enjoy something. Not today, but it will happen.

I have prayed for you and your daughter. Hope you are comfort for each other.

snappy

[snappyfrappy]

Dear Limbo4now, in some ways 3 years is a long time, in others it's like yesterday.

That's how I feel about the loss of my hubby nearly 7 years ago. He's always in my thoughts, and I see him everywhere here at out home and in the faces of our family.

We have a brand new baby great granddaughter. I will tell her about him when she's older. She carries his last name which makes me happy.

I know what it feels like to be alone in a crowd. For a long time I felt like someone had literally cut off one half of me and who was I now? I was 18 when we married, never had been independent. He was 8 years older than I and a faithful and good husband.

My church had a grief group which I didn't attend, but they sent me a series of 4 booklets on grief. Every 3 months for the first year. I didn't read them at first, but when I did, I thought how everyone who grieves has much in common, but much that is unique to them. My hubby had suffered for many years and was ready to go Home. I was relieved for his release from all that pain. And I was grateful we had nearly 58 years together and 3 kids and grandkids. I'm blessed that they all live here in SoCal so we can be together on all the special holidays.

And, one of my girls never married and has lived here her whole life. She is almost 58 and I sold her the house about 3 years ago. But we live here together as before and I can't imagine my life without her.

I'm glad you found this outlet. There is another"Widow's Thread" that's been here for many years. You would be welcomed there also if you care to join.

Much love,'

snappy

[snappyfrappy]

Dear Adeline, you are a brand new widow. There's something like a fog of unreality in those first months. Not denial, but nothing seems real either. I mean emotionally.

That does begin to lift and sometimes it's harder, but other times it's the beginning of healing. Crying is very helpful. In the early weeks after my hubby went Home, DD and I would sit and talk about his last days under hospice (we didn't have a very good experience with them) and we would just sob together.

We did a lot of the "what ifs". And we wondered if he could hear us as the nurse said he could, and if so, did we say the right things? Did he have pain that he couldn't speak about? Did I give him too much of the drugs or not enough? Those were hard days for us, and I still have thoughts like that now and then, but for the most part that is past.

It served it's purpose to help us process what had happened.

Do whatever makes things easier for you, not what others say you should do, and don't put a time limit on grief. There isn't any. I tend to be a homebody and have to almost be forced to "do" things, others are the opposite and get very busy outside the house. That's fine.

I hope you have some family and friends. I know there are lots of grief  groups, especially at church and they are a great help to some people.

I had lots of trouble focusing and reading and making decisions. That's why they say not to make changes until a year has gone by.

Please know you are not alone, that others understand and that there will be a day when the world looks like it used to. You will enjoy the sunset or flowers or a movie. Maybe not today, but one day.

You can find some of us on the other Widow's Thread where one of our ladies posts beautiful pictures for us to enjoy. May God bless you, dear friend

snappy

[Elom]

It's okay to think about him everyday. I know I do and I will never let him go. I pray you find happiness in thinking of him and eventually that will take the loneliness away. Surround your self with family, faith and friends. I lack two of those but I do have faith and it gets me through. 

[chihuahuamom]

It will be one year in Sept. for me.  I miss him so much, but I know he is with our Lord so that comforts me.  I am still working, have my family at home, and the days seem to fly by.  Still, at night, the loneliness creeps up on me.  I have not attended a grief support group.  I don't think it's for me.  My DH's death was not sudden, but slow and difficult.  I think in some ways, I went through a lot of the grieving during the time he was ill.  My heart goes out to all of you who have lost your loved ones whether recently or many years ago.  

[snappyfrappy]

chihuahuamom, I absolutely agree that a lot of grieving happened during the years my hubby was ill. My hubby is also with the Lord Whom he trusted and loved, and that gives me peace. That first night, I crawled into bed and told the Lord that hubby didn't need anything from me, that he was completely whole and free and safe in His hands and I slept for 9 hours straight.

Whenever I had to go somewhere and leave him alone, I looked back at the house and prayed for him to be safe while I was gone. I don't know how long after that I got out of the habit of thinking like that, but it happened.

I still find myself getting out of bed quietly sometimes so as not to disturb him. It only takes a nano second to remember he's not there. Habits are hard to break.

You are an almost new widow. Don't you hate that word? When I have to fill out paperwork at the doctor' office or somewhere else and check the appropriate box, it's hard. But I know I'll be with him again in our real Home where there is no pain, or sorrow or crying and I'm grateful.

It's nice to chat with you.

Take care,

snappy

[Misun56]

Dear Snappy,

Thank you for your kind words and the wisdom.

You are correct in so many ways that just about everything reminds of him and all those years of our happiness.

I used to call my home phone from work everyday so I can just listen to his voice on answering machine and cried until I had to disconnect the home phone couple months ago.

I talk to him everyday and ask him if he knows how much I miss him and love him.

Thank you again,

sincerly,

Misun 56

[snappyfrappy]

Hi misun 56

Thank you for posting and for your encouragement to me.

Sorry you had to disconnect your phone. I do understand wanting to hear his voice.

Knowing how ill he was, DD had a bear made that was recordable and had him say something. He said "I love you, sweetie", but the only word that recorded was sweetie.

I don't play it very often for fear it will wear out, but just hearing that one word enables me to remember how he sounded.

It's so good to have happiness to remember. It's not always the case.

We were blessed with 3 kids who are 63, 61 and nearly 58 now. And they are all here for me when I need or want them. Also 3 grankids in their 39s all married, and a 6 week old great granddaughter whom I've only seen once. She's so beautiful.

I'll look here to see if you have posted and answer. Or you can go to the long standing widow's thread where I am every day.

Much love,

snappy