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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,353
Registered: ‎04-23-2010

Re: Why would she do this ????


@violann wrote:

@mom2four0418 wrote:

@DottyPPPPP wrote:

The DIL to be sounds like a real sweet heart, and then the stupid son had to get involved.  Is he going to the cake tasting too?





Why would he not go to the cake testing?

Why is it now a legal and moral obligation to HAVE a “cake tasting”? Yet ANOTHER critical (?) aspect of marriage that becomes totally inconsequential when LIFE happens. Our “venue” provided a very nice cake, and those who wanted cake ate it, and those who didn’t, didn’t. All survived.


Because wedding venues often offer a choice of bakers who will provide the cake. In some cases, the cake is the actual dessert. I would certainly want the best tasting cake to serve my guests. 

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,460
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Why would she do this ????


@mom2four0418 wrote:

@violann wrote:

@mom2four0418 wrote:

@DottyPPPPP wrote:

The DIL to be sounds like a real sweet heart, and then the stupid son had to get involved.  Is he going to the cake tasting too?





Why would he not go to the cake testing?

Why is it now a legal and moral obligation to HAVE a “cake tasting”? Yet ANOTHER critical (?) aspect of marriage that becomes totally inconsequential when LIFE happens. Our “venue” provided a very nice cake, and those who wanted cake ate it, and those who didn’t, didn’t. All survived.


Because wedding venues often offer a choice of bakers who will provide the cake. In some cases, the cake is the actual dessert. I would certainly want the best tasting cake to serve my guests. 


Not in my era they didn’t:, and the “best tasting cake” is only the opinion of whoever is eating it. We didn’t have “venues” or “cake tastings” or Heaven help us out of the country 4 day Bachelorettes, yet managed to have lovely memorable weddings.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 47,452
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Why would she do this ????

[ Edited ]

@gidgetgh wrote:

I feel like chiming in again.

 

Obviously,  we don’t know all sides of the story here and how the relationships between, mother, son and now fiancé do on a daily basis and if this whole dress hysteria is a one off or part of a pattern, but.....

 

I just re-read the original post. The son and girlfriend have been together for 10 YEARS and she’s obsessing over dress colors????  Give me a break. Just go get married already. 

 

So much more in life to worry about. If this is that much of a biggie, good luck when the real life stuff happens.  


About the 10 years together, I wondered the same... Depending on their ages when they got together, odds are, this is not a 'spring' bride... While I get it that some women, no matter their age, want the 'princess' wedding, as silly as that is, you'd think at this point she'd realize there are probably bigger fish to fry... Moreover, while she fully admits she hasn't chosen 'her colors'... she's having a meltdown because her potential MIL chose an ensemble... It's a control thing because for all she knows, the outfit will work perfectly with whatever colors she ultimately chooses... The whole thing is just goofy...


In my pantry with my cupcakes...
Valued Contributor
Posts: 829
Registered: ‎03-29-2019

Re: Why would she do this ????

A daughter is a daughter all her life.

 

A son is a son, until he takes a wife.

 

 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,353
Registered: ‎04-23-2010

Re: Why would she do this ????

[ Edited ]

@violann wrote:

@mom2four0418 wrote:

@violann wrote:

@mom2four0418 wrote:

@DottyPPPPP wrote:

The DIL to be sounds like a real sweet heart, and then the stupid son had to get involved.  Is he going to the cake tasting too?





Why would he not go to the cake testing?

Why is it now a legal and moral obligation to HAVE a “cake tasting”? Yet ANOTHER critical (?) aspect of marriage that becomes totally inconsequential when LIFE happens. Our “venue” provided a very nice cake, and those who wanted cake ate it, and those who didn’t, didn’t. All survived.


Because wedding venues often offer a choice of bakers who will provide the cake. In some cases, the cake is the actual dessert. I would certainly want the best tasting cake to serve my guests. 


Not in my era they didn’t:, and the “best tasting cake” is only the opinion of whoever is eating it. We didn’t have “venues” or “cake tastings” or Heaven help us out of the country 4 day Bachelorettes, yet managed to have lovely memorable weddings.

 

I was married in the eighties and had a venue, and choices of food, etc. Not all weddings today involve drama. My son and dear daughter-in-law were married four years ago. The wedding was beautiful and I was asked to be involved in all aspects of it. There were no professional engagement photos, multiple showers, or bachelorette parties. There was no coordinating of colors between the two mothers. We were encouraged to wear whatever made us happy. Not everyone who gets married these days insists on over the top weddings. They will cherish the memories of their wedding day as much as you cherish yours.


Valued Contributor
Posts: 928
Registered: ‎07-01-2012

Re: Why would she do this ????

When the mother of the groom purchased her outfit she more than likely did so without any malice intended.  Her son was getting married and she was buying something pretty to wear to the wedding.  She did not think of protocol, or that she needed to wait to be told what she could or could not wear.  She did not realize what the consequences were.

 

Of course she would refuse to take the dress back.  It was a reaction against the reaction she received.  Everyone feels they have been disrespected.  Is it all worth it, not really, does it matter, it does because the ending will have a lasting affect.

 

Her son was getting married.  She likes green.  She wanted to look very pretty.

Her son was getting married and his bride wanted to select and choose all the colors.  She was wanting everything perfect.

The son wanted peace between his bride and his mother.

No one started off intending to hurt each other.

 

Some compromise is hopefully made.  Apologies are probably called for from all involved. 

 

Why she did this....she probably did not know she did and then felt attacked and her heart is hurting and doesn't know understand what was so wrong with wanting to look nice.  It should not be assumed she realized/understood  protocol, it is her son.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,828
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Why would she do this ????


@stevieb wrote:

@gidgetgh wrote:

I feel like chiming in again.

 

Obviously,  we don’t know all sides of the story here and how the relationships between, mother, son and now fiancé do on a daily basis and if this whole dress hysteria is a one off or part of a pattern, but.....

 

I just re-read the original post. The son and girlfriend have been together for 10 YEARS and she’s obsessing over dress colors????  Give me a break. Just go get married already. 

 

So much more in life to worry about. If this is that much of a biggie, good luck when the real life stuff happens.  


About the 10 years together, I wondered the same... Depending on their ages when they got together, odds are, this is not a 'spring' bride... While I get it that some women, no matter their age, want the 'princess' wedding, as silly as that is, you'd think at this point she'd realize there are probably bigger fish to fry... Moreover, while she fully admits she hasn't chosen 'her colors'... she's having a meltdown because her potential MIL chose an ensemble... It's a control thing because for all she know, the outfit will work perfectly with whatever colors she ultimately chooses... The whole thing is just goofy...


I know, 10 years together--but a 5 month engagement--dropped by phone on Mother's day.  Or was it a text?  HA

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,353
Registered: ‎04-23-2010

Re: Why would she do this ????


@chiclets wrote:

When the mother of the groom purchased her outfit she more than likely did so without any malice intended.  Her son was getting married and she was buying something pretty to wear to the wedding.  She did not think of protocol, or that she needed to wait to be told what she could or could not wear.  She did not realize what the consequences were.

 

Of course she would refuse to take the dress back.  It was a reaction against the reaction she received.  Everyone feels they have been disrespected.  Is it all worth it, not really, does it matter, it does because the ending will have a lasting affect.

 

Her son was getting married.  She likes green.  She wanted to look very pretty.

Her son was getting married and his bride wanted to select and choose all the colors.  She was wanting everything perfect.

The son wanted peace between his bride and his mother.

No one started off intending to hurt each other.

 

Some compromise is hopefully made.  Apologies are probably called for from all involved. 

 

Why she did this....she probably did not know she did and then felt attacked and her heart is hurting and doesn't know understand what was so wrong with wanting to look nice.  It should not be assumed she realized/understood  protocol, it is her son.


From the original OP:

"My friend says that the odd thing is that her sister knows how this wedding thing works because 5 or 6 of the nieces and nephews got married in recent years.  She knows that she should have waited until the bride or the bride's mother called her to tell her about colors and how the mothers should dress." 

 

Like other posters have said, there is more going on here besides the dress. It will hopefully work out for everyone involved.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,436
Registered: ‎04-16-2010

Re: Why would she do this ????

I've been married 25 years, with my man for a total of 30 years. I have NO CLUE what the mothers wore to our wedding unless I looked at the wedding album (made up of pictures friends and family took). Married at the court house, party at in-laws, best ****** time anyone had as per every single person who attended to this day.

 

This isn't about the dress. Nope. Good luck to them all.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,448
Registered: ‎07-08-2011

Re: Why would she do this ????

[ Edited ]

 

DH and I eloped because we KNEW that otherwise we would have the wedding from the deep, and that the most miserable people present would be the Bride & Groom!

 

Nothing experienced, or heard since has given us cause to re-think, or regret our decision. 

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras