Among Friends

[chrystaltree]

Sometimes I just do not understand why people do the things they do.  It's like they want to create problems in their lives.  My friend came over for coffee earlier, she knows I'm working and I couldn't really talk but she wanted  to "hide" from her sister for an hour so she left her phone at home and came here.  She said to rest her ears and to keep from telling her sister how she really feels about this.  So, here's the story.  Neither of us would ever have done this.  Her sister's son lives out of state, when he called on Mother's Day he told her that he was engaged to his long time....as in 10 years....girlfriend.  They are both from this area so the wedding will be here Colombus Day weekend.  She spoke to his fiance who she has known for 10 years and the girl said, details would be forthcoming as she made her plans.   Well, my friend's sister went right  out and bought her MOB outfit.  She knew  nothing about the wedding; not the venue or the colors or the theme or if it will be formal or very informal.  Nothing.  Yet she bought a dress and shoes and a hat.  In shades of green...because she likes green.  She called the bride to tell her and got a frosty response.  Along with "why did  you do that, you don't know what colors I want the mothers in".  After the bride hung up, the groom called to ask his mother if she  could return the outfit and wait for the bride to fill her in on colors and styles.  Apparently, she ended up arguing with her son and left it at she'd wear whatever she wants to wear.  She hasn't heard for either her son or the bride since that conversation and now she's a basket case, toggling between tears and anger.  She refuses to apologize to them.   My friend says that the odd thing is that her sister knows how this wedding thing works because 5 or 6 of the nieces and nephews got married in recent years.  She knows that she should have waited until the bride or the bride's mother called her to tell her about colors and how the mothers should dress.  My friend suggested that her sister call them and apologize for jumping the gun and smooth things over.  He is her only child and she's known the bride for years.  They aren't strangers to each other.  She refuses and everyone knows the longer this rift goes on, it will take on a life of it's own.  It just surprises me how people dig holes for themselves and then refuse to do whatever it takes to extricate themselves.  Why not just return the dress  dress and the accessories and apologize....and put this behind her?  She could even say that she was so happy and excited about the wedding that she forgot wedding protocol...make a joke of it....which is what I would say.  If she can't return the outfit, just put it away for some future occasion.  I don't know the bride and groom but I feel sorry for them.  They never saw this coming.    

[wishmoon]

I don't mean to minimize this problem but why sweat the small stuff? It's a dress. Wait until questions about sickness, money problems, life and death occur. This is a bunch of ppl with too much time on their hands.

[Mi47]

Because she wants to be in control and she’s not happy her son is getting married.  If I was the bride/groom, tell His mother that they are unhappy about this situation but let her wear the dress.   But again I really think it’s a control thing.  Best of luck to the couple.  

[happycat]

If she wants to wear the green outfit, and the rest of the wedding party is is pale apricot (or whatever) let her. maybe it would teach her a lesson. I did ask what color dress I needed for ds wedding last year, took pictures of the various dresses I was looking at, and ok'd it with the bride. I wasn't gonna cause an uproar at my kids wedding, but honestly, I wanted it to be nice, I wanted to work with my son and his bride. I don't understand a mother being unwilling to, honestly.

I do think if the wedding is getting off to this kind of a start, they may have a rocky future, even if they did date for 10 years.

[Azcowgirl]

Let her look silly in the green outfit when the wedding party is all in another color 😳.

[Grouchomarx]

This is not an uncommon problem. There is often drama about outfits for a wedding. Mother’s of the bride and groom are often at the center of it. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. It’ll resolve itself.

[Mom2Dogs]

@wishmoon in this brides world it is a big deal and the mother of the bride jumped the gun and is/was wrong.

@chrystaltree ...your friend should apologize, take the dress back and as you said...make a joke of it, do what she has to to smooth things over....the ball is in her court!

[CrazyDaisy]

Jumped the gun, probably excited about he wedding.  Columbus Day not that far away, some are "picky" and need to start shopping early to find what they like.  Many of those decisions should have already been made with only 4 month to go.  Expect she is hurt by how she is being treated, may be best to just sit low for awhile.  Guess they just want her to show up dressed as they want.

[ValuSkr]

Is the lady who bought the dress the MOB or MOG?   If I'm reading this correctly, she's the MOG.  In which case she's off to a bad start with her future DIL (though they've known each other for years already).  I vote with @Bri369 : elope.  They'll save a lot of money and aggravation.

[stevieb]

As far as I'm concerned, her big mistake was in telling them she'd bought her outfit... All this nonsense about 'the bride's colors' and 'what color I want you in' and so on is the ridiculous part... I agree with her, she wears what she wants to wear, but she should have simply pursued her choices and kept them to herself... Had she done so and once she heard more about the event, she might have opted to return her choices on her own... As for the bride getting 'frosty' and then running to the groom, she needs to get over herself... My guess is that sooner or later the woman will hear from them in some way... I can't see an only son excluding his mother from the supposed big event over what is essentially trivia... I'm sorry, but there is far, far too much hoopla made over weddings... It's cringe-worthy...