Re: ...

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
@SaRina"Unfortunately, you allowed this man to continue inappropriate behavior so you really only have yourself to blame."

No, she has her neighbor to blame.
He's responsible for his own behavior.
I imagine she had other things on her mind - like her husband's death.

Way to kick someone when they're down.

I do not mean to "kick someone when they're down". The OP asked what would you do...and I explained why I would have been the one to apologize to the man, with explanation.

Of course every person, man or woman, is responsible for their own behavior. But in this case, the man was allowed to come over twice a day and get a hug and a kiss. If "you" understand the way most men think, this was an invitation to continue and perhaps increase the level of involvement or intimacy with the OP. Under the OP's grief-stricken circumstances, I can understand why she may have been less than firm about stopping the situation.

The OP said herself, "Stupid me. I let it go on for 7 weeks." Okay. So it happened. I responded as to how I would have dealt with the unfortunate outcome.

It seems to me this is a case where the OP only wants to get support in accordance with her own opinion. Since she asked for opinions, I think it's okay to have a differing opinion than what the majority have expressed here.

:-)

BalletBabe · ‎03-05-2011

The only way I would have handled it would have been to apologize to the man for misleading him. Perhaps explain that you were grief-stricken and didn't realize what was happening. Make it clear that you appreciate all his help, but your relationship has gone way beyond what you feel comfortable with.

I should apologize to him?????? Are you nuts? He came on my property and entered my gate without my knowing and I should apologize to him???? Your nuts! I didn't mislead him at all. I pulled away from him and then stopped answering the door. THen he helped himself onto my property without my knowing? He was on my back patio. He entered my screened in porch---and I am supposed to apologize to him? again your nuts.

debic · ‎09-02-2010

@BalletBabe wrote:

"They were always huggy kissy" when both you and your husband played cards with them is very different scenario from allowing a married neighbor to come over twice a day, every day, without his wife, and to hug and kiss you. IMO, that is inappropriate.

You do not need to be defensive. You asked for opinions. Obviously, no one here knows all the details, but this is my impression

I wasn't beng defensive. I was trying to explain to you the relationship we had as neighbors over the years. His wife didn't come over because she was in bed all the time. I believe he was coming over when she was sleeping, but not sure. She don't like anybody. She has some kind of mental issue that she cannot get along with anybody. She hates everyone of the neighbors , and that is a shame because we have good neighbors. Have you ever lost a spouse? Trust me it is like losing half of yourself. My son was in Nevada and I was alone for a week till he could get here. He only came twice a day if I didn't answer the door. I gnored it once before and he said "I guess you don't want me to check on you" I said I am fine. I am a big girl and I will call if I need anything. He stopped for a few days and started again. It don't matter it is over. I fell out wth them yrs ago, and we didn't talk for several years.

You don't owe anyone an explanation. You were grieving and vulnerable and he took advantage of that.

~~
*Off The Deep End~A very short trip for some!*

BalletBabe · ‎03-05-2011

The only way I would have handled it would have been to apologize to the man for misleading him. Perhaps explain that you were grief-stricken and didn't realize what was happening. Make it clear that you appreciate all his help, but your relationship has gone way beyond what you feel comfortable with.

I should apologize to him?????? Are you nuts? He came on my property and entered my gate without my knowing and I should apologize to him???? Your nuts! I didn't mislead him at all. I pulled away from him and then stopped answering the door. THen he helped himself onto my property without my knowing? He was on my back patio. He entered my screened in porch---and I am supposed to apologize to him? again your nuts.

Oh yeah and by the way, I let the relayionship go to far. WHAT RELATIONSHIP? There was no relationship. I can tell you if he would have pulled that when my husband was alive , he would have been punched out.

BalletBabe · ‎03-05-2011

Thank You debic!

Anonymous · ‎07-04-2016

Moved:

This post has been removed by QVC because of name calling

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

@SaRina wrote:
The only way I would have handled it would have been to apologize to the man for misleading him. Perhaps explain that you were grief-stricken and didn't realize what was happening. Make it clear that you appreciate all his help, but your relationship has gone way beyond what you feel comfortable with.

@BalletBabe wrote:
I should apologize to him?????? Are you nuts? He came on my property and entered my gate without my knowing and I should apologize to him???? Your nuts! I didn't mislead him at all. I pulled away from him and then stopped answering the door. THen he helped himself onto my property without my knowing? He was on my back patio. He entered my screened in porch---and I am supposed to apologize to him? again your nuts.

Oh yeah and by the way, I let the relayionship go to far.   WHAT RELATIONSHIP? There was no relationship. I can tell you if he would have pulled that when my husband was alive , he would have been punched out.

I think I will go shopping now on QVC. That always picks me up   :0) Thanks to all of you except for the one person that is nuts.

One thing I never do is call people names. That speaks volumes about a person. May I suggest, for the future..... If you don't want to hear opinions (or try to understand a different and realistic POV), you should not ask for them.

BalletBabe · ‎03-05-2011

One thing I never do is call people names. That speaks volumes about a person. May I suggest, for the future..... If you don't want to hear opinions (or try to understand a different and realistic POV), you should not ask for the

I am done responding to you! I have had enough grief and I don't need yours on top of it. I thank everyone that responded like adults and from their heart.

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

@BalletBabe I don't think SaRina meant any harm. You yourself said you shouldn't have allowed him to kiss and hug you like that. When she answered we didn't know that you all used to hug each other when you and your husband socialized with them. I don't agree that you should apologize to him, but it seems to me that you yourself said you should have stopped it. In retrospect, it probably seemed like a continuation of past behavior until it escalated to a daily thing and you realized what he was doing.

BalletBabe · ‎03-05-2011

@BalletBabe I don't think SaRina meant any harm. You yourself said you shouldn't have allowed him to kiss and hug you like that. When she answered we didn't know that you all used to hug each other when you and your husband socialized with them. I don't agree that you should apologize to him, but it seems to me that you yourself said you should have stopped it. In retrospect, it probably seemed like a continuation of past behavior until it escalated to a daily thing and you realized what he was doing

@Ms X I don't think they were being nice like the other posters. I don't care. I was trying not to fall out with them again. As I said we had not talked for many years. That was not my fault. His wife got angry with me because I would not go with her to Orlando to take him to the airport. Yes I wish I would have stopped it sooner when I realized what he was doing. That is exactly why I stopped letting him in. If you go to someones house, and you knock on the door and they don't answer for 3 days in a row, what would you do? He claimed he was checking on me to see if I was okay. So if he was, why didn't he call when I didn't answer for 3 days? Some people are dense. They cannot take a hint that you don't want to be bothered. When I told his wife he helped himsellf to my yard she said she understood. Then she said "do you want him to put a lock on your door"??? I said No I do not. I will take care of it. I said the doors are already locked.