My dear friend H lost her soul mate G last October. She and he were together for almost 7 years, living together for 6 of those years and wonderfully happy. He was rushed to the hospital in August due to respiratory issues and after a few days he was diagnosed with leukemia and given a 50% chance. He had to be put on a respirator and had an infection so a few weeks passed before he could even address the leukemia. During that time he was on the respirator on and off. When he was off, he was weak but lucid. She applied for FMLA and found she could not get it unless she was his spouse. They declared to be common law married on Aug 28th and shared the "we're married" news with a few people who visited him that day at the hospital. His breathing continued to suffer so he was put back on the respirator within a day or so after. She never left his side. She slept at the hospital and lost almost 20 pounds. She was his advocate with the nurses and doctors and his ardent supporter, caring for his every need. His family (his parents are deceased and he has only one sister) including aunts, uncles and cousins visited from a town several hours away but could not stay at the hospital for very long, entrusting my friend to care for him. Tragically, he passed in early October. His progress had been looking good for September but then started to shut down suddenly. Family and friends were called advising to come for their last goodbyes. No family was there unfortunately when he passed, just a few friends who lived in the same city, including myself. They missed their goodbyes by a few hours. My friend was devastated. Being his "wife" she tried to figure out the next steps. Since he was only in his 40s and this was so sudden, there was nothing palanned. His best friend since high school offered up his own plot that he had purchased many years ago, so with relief to have a plan they felt that G would be happy with, they set up a time with the funeral home to finalize the plan with the home and family members. From the start, family members questioned her "wife" status. "When did you get married?" "I don't understand." "Texas doesn't recognize common law marriage." (It does, BTW). The push-back was only slight at the funeral home which was good, but you could tell they did not agree with her marital status nor the decisoins being made. My friend H however was acting as a wife and making plans to bury her husband in a plot that she could also be buried in when the time comes. His wake and funeral were packed. 100s of people showed up, showing how much he had touched so many people, particuarly his friends. His family did not stay long, I suspect feeling excluded. H continued on as a widow, paying his medical bills, closing his accounts, settling his debts, etc. Until December when the sister contested her marriage and this past May it was ruled not a common law marriage since they didn't live together once they declared themselves. They would have had he lived, as well as make it official, again had he lived. Now the sister is deemed next of kin and H doesn't even know if she will get any money back she paid for his medical bills, etc. In addition, the sister wants his personal belongings, providing a list of things from the sentimental (photo album) to the expected (TV) to the ridiculous (his cologne). What do you think? The sister says there was no marriage, she doesn't believe that her brother agreed to any marriage and thus she is next of kin and basically treats H as if she was just his roommate. My friend is suffering even more because at least she could say she was his wife and he her husband, but now the marriage has been taken away from her. There is a bit of money (about $30k) but after taxes and debts there will be maybe $10k left. This has caused so much pain for H and I'm trying to understand the family's POV, but I'm having a hard time.
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