Among Friends

[geezerette]

@Kweenme

I know how difficult your situation is, as I went through something similar for a few weeks.  We are not close to many of our neighbors as we live in the country and simply don’t have many.  I do have a couple that are very good friends that I’ve been able to rely on.  

I found that the hospital thing was actually extremely stressful since you’re still worrying about your husband.  At least now I don’t have to worry about him anymore.

Even though I didn’t have people right there with me constantly, I found that texting and emailing with friends and family gave me immense comfort.  I could maintain contact with people, but I wasn’t bothered when I didn’t want to be.  And I could vent my frustrations and fears, and get suggestions while my mind wasn’t functioning at full capacity.

My thoughts and prayers are with you right now.  I hope and pray that your husband makes a full and complete recovery.  Please do try to take care of yourself as well.❤️🙏

[Imaoldhippie]

At this time it does not matter if you were close friends or not.  Cook or buy something for the whole family to eat.  Talk with them and offer your condolences, maybe you can help in some way while they are still in shock and grieving, such as watch the house while they are at the funeral home, collect their mail, pick up their news papers.  Stay at the house while they are at the viewing and put out the food for after the service.  Maybe you could ask other neighbor ladies if they would like to help you.  It may be a good time to make some friends.  Also, the roughest time is after the funeral  when the family and friends all go home.  That might be a good time to be available for comfort.

[TaylorBrown]

Since you saw the Coroner's van come, somebody died.  I would walk over and hand-deliver a card. It can be a general "sorry for your loss" type just as a neighborly gesture.  Nothing personal.  Just a kind thought.

[bonnielu]

Same thing happened here. But in theh past this house seemed to be always in the tragic mix.  Sometimes I think I was viewing horror movies.  The latest episode the husband killed himself I am told.   We simply went to the funeral and tried to be kind and wonderful to the extended family that was left behind.  

[NYC Susan]

I would send a note (and some cookies or other baked goods).  In the note, I would express my sympathy and ask her to let me know if there's anything I can do. 

And then - since she most likely won't ask you to do anything - I would follow up in a few weeks by gently asking again if there's anything I can do.  Or better yet, offer something specific.  It's far easier for people to say, "Yes, thank you" rather than try to come up with something they'd like you to do.  And people who have lost a loved one are often kept busy by friends and family at first, but eventually that settles down.  That's when you can be really helpful - whether it's picking up something from the grocery store or just being a good listener.  Whether or not, she's ever in need of anything,  making the offer will be a kind gesture.

I also wouldn't wait for an obituary.  Lots of people no longer have obituaries.  We lost a beloved family member a few weeks ago, and it had been his wish not to have one.  We were told at the funeral home that it's becoming more common not to have them. 

[homedecor1]

I see this same situation at least once a week as the majority of my street is considerably older.  About 6 weeks ago the neighbor 3 doors down passed away -- of course, I had no idea nor did I know him only because he used to be outside walking his dog.

I saw people at his home this week "cleaning it out".  Then another person was walking by with their dog while I was getting the mail & said "Too bad about Sam passing".

 About a hour later his family out front loading Uhaul truck

and i just walked over told them sorry to hear about Sam.  It was his son & DIL.  

They thanked me & told me he fell.   They called to have a "safe check" done after they had been trying to reach him by phone (they were from Michigan) & sheriff found him.  

A kind word goes a long  way in a situation like this.  I'm sure you'll know the right thing to say at that time!

.

[homedecor1]

@geezerette

sorry to hear of your loss🙏🏻

[Gradysmom]

I recently lost my husband - sitting in his la-z-boy chair watching tv and was suddenly gone before I could even get 911 on the phone.  In an instant my life was destroyed so, trust me, there are no ‘right words’.  Nothing matters and she is probably in shock so any kind action will be gladly accepted.  I needed every kind word, card, every kiss, hug and each meal so lovingly prepared.  I thought my world would end, so just any word that lets her know you are there will help.  Bless you for being such a sweet neighbor that you are concerned about what you should or should not do.

[geezerette]

@Gradysmom

I feel your pain, I really do, as I am in the same boat.  Your whole world changes forever in an instant.  Any act of kindness is appreciated and you do find out quickly who your real friends are. 

You have my deepest sympathy and will be in my prayers.  Please take care of yourself, as well.

[chickenbutt]

It's a tough one.  I would let her lead, if you're talking.  Or, if it's already been published you could express your condolences.   I kind of cringed at the casserole idea.   I wouldn't think this is a time to dump a bunch of stuff on her that she would have to deal with.    I cannot even imagine a bunch of people bringing casseroles that I'd have to get rid of, then maybe a dish I might need to return and who brought what dish - etc.  YIKES!

Most people aren't going to want that.  Sure, they will be gracious and accept it because they have manners.  But then they have to deal with it and as somebody who would not want to eat it I'd have to toss it and then feel guilty about the waste.    

Well wishes and, should one choose, an expression that I'm here if there is anything I can do.   That way it doesn't become about you and you don't bog her down with stuff for which she has no use.