Re: The Best That I Could Do........

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I think what you did was perfect.

In times like these (when suffering a loss) many people forget that they aren't the only one's to be sad and needing support. You responded and acknowledged her, without having to deal with her directly, and bringing you down. I think it speaks very highly of you, to consider her pain, and know that you aren't the only one having trouble dealing with this.

Cookie2025 · ‎03-10-2010

@Furry wrote:
Hello,
I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago in reference to the loss of my dad. So many of you were gracious to respond. I mentioned that my dad had a female friend who continues to call my sister and I. The problem is that she does not filter what she says when she calls. She tends to make us feel worse. I know that she is sad too. However, her conversation seems to be about her and it makes us feel bad. Well she called today and I did not pick up the phone. I decided to text her and let her know that I am not up to talking right now with my dad's birthday being tomorrow. I told her that I would be in touch next week and I wished her well. Do you think that I handled this well? I noticed that she saw the text. However, she did not respond.
Thank you

... you write '... I text her and let know that I am not up to talking right now ... I told her that I would be n touch next week...'.

I would say you made your point.

Big Sister · ‎05-15-2010

I think you handled the situation perfectly. There is no law that says you must pick up the phone and talk to someone if you don't want to.

Please accept my sympathy on the death of your DF.

That lady may need to join a support group. If you know of one, please suggest it to her.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@Thrive, You do what you have to. If I may add, my mom was in a hospice place at her end. It was beautiful. They were wonderful. They wanted to follow up and be sure to offer assistance. I did finally ask them to not contact me any longer though, since in my acceptance of her being gone, I couldn't move on with their constantly reminding me of her being gone, even if it was an effort to be of assistance should we need it. They were very good and understood where I was coming from. We all must walk our own paths. It was done in a nice and courteous manner.

Yours was done that way too it sounds like. Good luck.

violann · ‎03-10-2010

@Furry wrote:
Thank you so much. I am trying to do exactly what you said and protect my heart. It is just so painful right now. I can only take one day at a time. The things that this lady says seems to be without regard of our feelings. Perhaps she means well. Nevertheless, it is very hurtful.

Hi Furry- In a high stress situation, we may not have the emotional reserves to respond to others as we might if we weren't already under stress.

You NEVER have to justify or apologize for what you have to do to protect yourself.

Very sorry for your loss.

hckynutjohn · ‎06-15-2015

To the OP.

I think this is a good start for you and I hope as time moves forward you can stick with some type of plan to see/hear less from this person, assuming that will still be your desire.

It sounds from the tone of this post of yours, what you did has made you feel better and more in control of the ssituation. That seemed to be your goal in your original thread/post, but maybe as time passes this may change.

I personally deal as directly as I can with people, preferably, face to face. For me it is being very direct and also making sure the person(s) understand every thing I say, and also have no illusions that I do not mean exactly what I said to them.

I have never hooked myself up with people that I feel have eyes/ears only for the negative. Once I see that trait, I immediately start my withdrawal from them. Everyone has some bad things happen in their lives, which are to me an unavoidable negative?

We do not need to be around anyone that views most everything in their life, and others, as a negative. I have been an eternal optimist since my early teens, and during the passing decades I have dealt with some pretty rough and very sad times.

Sure they can be a terrible setback, but when viewed through the optimistic prism? There is almost always a way to find a tiny bit of good, even during the hardest of times.

My mother died in 1969 when I was 30 years old. At times it seems like a century ago and at other times it seems like yesterday. I do not see that as ever changing for me.She raised myself and my 3 older sisters by herself and always put our welfare first? Part of my heart and my soul died along with her.

I think all parents would choose them dying before any of their children, unfortunately for way too many, that is not the order of things.

I am sorry at the passing of your father and I wish you everything that is good to get you through the worst of times.

hckynut(john)