Among Friends

[ROMARY]

My first thought is go to a nice restaurant with your other brother.

Have a nice, relaxing Thanksgiving dinner there, then return to your home for chit-chat.

Tell the other brother that if he doesn't respond, you won't add him to the restaurant reservation.

Well, that's my first thought, so far.

[Krimpette]

I'm having a hard time understanding why you're relying on e-mail at this point.  Why not just pick up the phone and resolve the entire issue (i.e., are you coming to dinner or not, and no overnight stays possible this year.). Oh, and here's what we're having for dinner.

[kaydee50]

@nana59  Agree with you 100%and disagree with @ID2   Yes, he's her brother, but she is his sister and deserves respect and consideration.  I would not put up with anyone least of all a relative who behaves like her brother does.

[drizzellla]

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@CrazyKittyLvr2 wrote:

@drizzellla  You have more patience than I do.  The brother staying for days is one thing but the behavior of his daughter is a deal breaker.

Accidently breaking a plate is one thing, however the toilet thing (not saying anything), broken shower and a car window is unacceptable.  Did your brother offer to pay for any of it?

You have to do what you can live with.  Will you feel terrible if you don't invite him or put limits on his visit?

If my niece's daughter was like that there is no way she would be here for dinner. Then again my niece and her mother (my sister) wouldn't tolerate actions like that.

No, my brother never offered to pay. In fact we drove my brother and niece to the train station after a visit. It was snowing like crazy but the niece had off school. So my brother wanted to stay as long as possible. So even though we knew a snow storm was coming, they stayed. Well, on the way home a guy lost control of his car in the heavy snow and totaled our car. We have to go out and buy a new car.

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[sissel]

@drizzellla  Wow!!! seems your brother costs you & your DH a lot of money when they visit. You & DH should get a hotel room in a nice town a little far from where you live and spend the weekend. Let your family figure out their own plans and both of you can relax & enjoy the holiday. If you want to have a Thanksgiving with the people you want either do it week before or week after the holiday so brother won't know. What happens at Christmas does the same thing happen?  We got moochers in our family and I understand what you are going threw. Sometimes you have to break tradition and have a holiday on any day. . 

[CrazyKittyLvr2]

@drizzellla  You are much nicer than I am.

[Boomernichols]

Whatever you decide, I hope you have full plates and full hearts! 

[Sooner]

Is this your experience too?  I've found that most people like this who I have worried about could not care less whether they come or not.  

They'll take the opportunity if it is there, but if it isn't there, they just shrug and go look for someone else to latch on to. They are hardly ever really invested in something.  It's just easy and nice and that's what they do. 

Another thing I wish I knew earlier in life.  But better late than never. 

[Zukie]

Personally, I don't like confrontation but sometimes a person does get  pushed to the limits.  I would call the brother, demand (in a diplomatic way) a definite yes or no answer and if there is still an indecision say " well,  I'm taking that for a no and I guess we'll see you at Christmas.".    If the answer is yes, tell him the menu, with no deviations and if they want something special, please bring it, with enough for the other guests.  People are being invited to your home.  No one has the right to abuse your hospitality or destroy your property.

[RoughDraft]

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@drizzellla wrote:

Sooner, Cletic Crafter and Big Joanie - 

The food "thing" and his daughter has been going on since she was about 2. She is now in her early 20s. She would only eat chicken, chicken from a special Chinese Restaurant in New York, french fries and Kraft Macaroni and cheese. Her Mother does not cook and therefore she does not cook. 

If we did not prepare the food to her liking, she would have a crying melt down. And her Mother would always call at 6PM to see how her daughter was doing. And of course her daughter was crying like crazy because the food wasn't prepared to her liking.

Then in her teen years, she would eat in "the guest room (her bedroom). Somehow she broke a china pie plate. She was eating pumpkin pie. How can you break a plate. She also overflowed the toilet (first and only person to EVER do that). Never told anyone and it flooded the hallway. Broke the shower faucet and left the water running for 4 hours. Broke the window in my husbands car.  I could go on and on.

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After all this, I would book a cruise for myself and DH to some tropical island for the holidays and hang a "Gone Fishing" sign on my door.