Thanksgiving Invitation

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

For the last 40 years I have been responsible for doing every holiday dinner.

My parents have passed away and both my brothers are now divorced. I still invite my brothers to every holiday dinner. One brother I will invite and I don't hear back from him. I will email him again a week or so later and he said he never got the first invitation. After this happening for the last 5 years or so - I am suspicious of this excuse.

The thing that bothers me, is if he does come for a holiday meal, he also stays for the weekend or 5 or more days. He often would bring his daughter. So it is not just a holiday meal we have days of food and things to plan and buy. The daughter has her "special" foods that she will eat. SO we have to alter the menu in hopes she will like/eat what is being served.

I invited him last week. So far I have not heard a word from him. I am sure he wants to see what his daughter has planned. But we also have to start planning and buying the menus.

How do I stop this nonsense? Give him a deadline that he should respond by? Forget to invite him? Pretend I sent out an invitation and say "I don't understand why you didn't get it." (Play his game?)

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@drizzellla If it were me, I would call him up NOW and say "I need to know tomorrow whether or not you plan to come for Thanksgiving, and whether your daughter will be with you. I'll call you tomorrow and you need to let me know for sure one way or the other."

"Also, I need to know if you plan to stay and for how long. This year I'm afraid we'll only be able to have visitors for (pick a number) of days. We just aren't able to make it longer this year."

You've done enough, you deserve consideration. If he gets angry, he can fix his own damned dinner! Or invite YOU to his house! Think about it that way!

Edit: It took me about 60 years to figure out that I was worrying WAY too much about hurting the feelings of people who were taking advantage of my good nature and just using me. Hence, the response I posted above. People either want to see you or they are just coming for the perks.

Big Joanie · ‎01-02-2015

How old is the daughter .. maybe its time for her to learn how to

cook a holiday dinner .... like I did when my in laws threw it in

my lap ....

Yea .. I say enough is enough ....the older I get the less tolerant i

get of this nonsense .....and rudness ....

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

Email him back and tell him since you haven't heard from him you're assuming he's not coming and you have decided to forego the big meal and keep it low key.

JMO, it doesn't sound as if you are really close with him or his daughter.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@CelticCrafter wrote:
Email him back and tell him since you haven't heard from him you're assuming he's not coming and you have decided to forego the big meal and keep it low key.

JMO, it doesn't sound as if you are really close with him or his daughter.

@CelticCrafter @drizzellla Oh drizzella, she is smarter than I am! THIS is the answer. Invite him for take out one day during the long weekend if you want to.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

I would not invite him.

nana59 · ‎05-12-2012

i would have stopped inviting him years ago.....jmo.....

kaydee50 · ‎02-07-2011

I would have stopped inviting the non-responsive brother long ago.

IlliniGirl88 · ‎06-20-2010

You're being used by your brother and only you can stop this nonsense. If it were me, I'd make reservations for myself at a nice restaurant, and enjoy my Thanksgiving alone, if necessary. Stop playing his game, plain and simple. He's probably waiting to see if you'll do what you always do, contact him. I wouldn't, and I'd make no apologies either. My advice may sound harsh, but his habitual yearly dragging of his feet needs to stop, and so does your catering to him. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

We loved big family holidays and it was a huge amount of work. They are all gone now, and I look back and can't imagine how we did all of that. It was exhausting. Especially dealing with that turkey.

But, I gotta tell you, we now have Pajama Thanksgiving Day and it has its own special charm and happiness too!