Among Friends

[blackhole99]

40 years! I would have put a stop to that whole scenario years ago, people will only take advantage of you if you let them.

[Bridgegal]

Wow, I can't believe he has acted this way for years and you still cater to him.

You invited him last week.  You haven't heard back.  That is rude and unacceptable.   I'd go on with my plans and if he shows up tell him you have leftovers that he/they are welcome to heat up but since you didn't hear back, you assumed he wasn't coming.  Depending on the time of his arrival I might let him stay the night but no longer.   I assume he lives out of town.  

Seriously brother or not he is the one who is way out of line.   I'd stop his bad behaviour right here and now.

[drizzellla]

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@sissel wrote:

@drizzellla  Wow!!! seems your brother costs you & your DH a lot of money when they visit. You & DH should get a hotel room in a nice town a little far from where you live and spend the weekend. Let your family figure out their own plans and both of you can relax & enjoy the holiday. If you want to have a Thanksgiving with the people you want either do it week before or week after the holiday so brother won't know. What happens at Christmas does the same thing happen?  We got moochers in our family and I understand what you are going threw. Sometimes you have to break tradition and have a holiday on any day. . 

Yes, It is the same story at Christmas. But both brothers usually stay awhile. It is even worse. Because I have one guest room. So one brother has to sleep on a sofa. And my oldest brother told me "he doesn't do sofas".

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[Diva on The Q]

@drizzellla: I say, search your heart and do what you want to do. You've earned it!  

[jeanlake]

Just a thought -- people who do not host often may not understand everything that goes into preparing and hosting for many people. In other words, they're much more casual about events when they don't host. Most of us are in 'darned if we do and darned if we don't' status with extended family. Keep motives pure, communicate directly and be patient when people aren't on the same wavelength as we are. And try to ignore the idiots. Otherwise, chaos will raise its ugly head at family events.  

[qbetzforreal]

You extended an invitation, that should be it.  Everyone knows when Thanksgiving happens.  No more reminders.  As for your neice, she's at an age where she can eat whatever everyone is eating.  If not, she and your brother can go out and her special fixins'.

[Still Raining]

Wow, if the same thing plays out for Christmas, it is time to broadcast an announcement.  The next 80 years are the brothers.

[Bird mama]

@drizzellla   I didn't read through the entire thread however I did get as far as niece's meltdowns, something about Chinese food and her breaking stuff in your house.

If I was you  this would be the last year that I go through all this hay-hay.  Think about it this way, start a new decade 2020 being kind to Drizzella.  

[sissel]

Seems one brother takes a turn another one for the other holiday but notice they don't because they don't want to do it. I think a lot of us understand seems they expect or figure they are entitled to be there. Family can be demanding. My cousin & I were so close he would call coming out next week no problem many times he did it until my DD got apt had to get movers to take stuff from my house to her apt & she was getting furniture delivered that weekend, he called coming out I said not this weekend with her move come next weekend so I wouldn't be tired & get her settled, He got upset never talked to me again, I knew that weekend I would be tired & figure the weekend after would be better for both of us but to get that upset & not talk to me I feel was wrong. It has been 5 yrs I tried many times to talk to him he refused. It was the first time I ever said no I was busy the weekend he wanted to come out & he knew what was going on. To give up the friendship & close family ties we had over a weekend I just don't understand. We can't make our family & friends happy all the time sometimes we have things to do. 

[VaBelle35]

We don't do the massive meal with family anymore.  We stopped traveling on holidays 20 years ago.  The stress and aggravation weren't worth it.  We now travel to visit on non-holidays.

My sister has gotten tired of ungrateful people and complainers.  She now either books a meal out (like Cracker Barrel) or caters it from Wegmans or Whole Foods.

People still complain (and it's free because she pays for everyone), but it's no work as she refuses to wash dishes.  She told my BIL that we are using paper plates or he is doing the dishes.

He does the dishes.