Among Friends

[Lindsays Grandma]

Vivian Florimond...I have never been close to or even know anyone who suffered from Alzheimer's Disease, therefore I am not in a position to advise you.   What I can do and will do is to send prayers your way.  I pray you find the strength and support you need to get through the rough road you are traveling down.   I wish I could reach out to hug you and tell I will be there for you.  Take care of yourself, please, always be sure you are safe.  Keep us posted, we care.

[chrystaltree]

Do what the doctor suggested, temper outbursts and anger issues are even extreme surliness are part of the syndrome.  Anyone who has been close to someone with dementia will know what you are dealing with, you need that type of support.  It might be worse with your husband since has anger issues but now he can't control his behavior.  You shouldn't be worried about HIS ability to handle his emotions....he can't.  As time goes on, it will only get worse.  You are the one who needs the help because you need to know how to handle him and yourself when he has outbursts.  You counselling and you also need to be in a support group for families dealing with this issue.  Your husband, of course, doesn't think he has a problem.  That's part of his illness too.  

[qualitygal]

Vivian,

Please start right now, to get care givers to come into your home.  You'll need help with him and yourself. Start the process to find someone who will fit the bill for both of you.  I know there are places that send people into your home to help you out.  

[cookinfreak]

@Vivian

My dad also suffered with Alzheimers/Dementia for many years. He too had a quick temper when he was younger, and mellowed out as he aged. He did have a few episodes where he got angry but they were few & far between. The sad thing was in the beginning he  knew he was getting the disease and he was frightened and there was a man from his church who promised him he had vitamins to help all for the small price of thousands of dollars. Still makes me angry. My brother spoke with this man, and we got my dad's money back but I am still so angry over that whole deal, I will never step foot inside that church again. Your husband may know what is happening and is also frightened.

I am sending prayers to you & your husband.

cookin

[VaBelle35]

I was listening to an interview with Sally Quinn today discussing Ben Bradlee's dementia and that about 2 years before he was diagnosed, he would constantly get angry with her and then not remember.

I think she's written a book about it.

[Sue in cincinnati]

My friend is going through this now with her husband.  He was a loving,

quiet man, then suddenly starting yelling and acting belligerent.  The

neurologist wasn't much help, so she took him to their family doctor

who prescribed antidepressants along with his dementia meds.

Now he is always happy and says so all the time!  It has made a

world of difference for both of them. 

She's also researching homehealth services and adult day care

in preparation for the days ahead.  The Alzheimer Assoc. is a

great resource including caregiver support.  Good Luck...

[Financialgrl]

Experiences vary - I have the following experience with memory issues of loved ones.  Grandfather had Alzheimers and he was angry and mad all the time. 

Dad was diagnosed with advanced dementia  and he was always the kindest most gentle person I know.  As the disease progressed the changes I noticed in him were - things he used to do and food he used to like he no longer cared for.  His demeanor never changed though.

My boyfriend was the opposite.  For as long as I've known him he was a curmudgeonly old soul.  Complained about everything but I always knew how to handle him.  When he first went to Assisted LIving he thought (no one told him this) that he was there for physical therapy bc when he broke his hip years ago that's where he'd been sent. He eventually said he thought he was doing much better and wanted to leave.  Eventually, this nasty old curmudgeon turned into the most docile sweet person.  No real rhyme and reason.  Go figure.

Saddest part though is what all of us who have experienced loved ones with this is that the disease can hang around a long time and it's hard losing that person.  

[BirkiLady]

Recently lost my mom who had been a dementia patient for 14 years. She hid her memory issues very well with excellent manners and by living an organized life. When I realized she was repeating herself or asking the same questions, I spoke with her PCP and asked about having her tested for dementia. He agreed. Mom's high IQ almost beat the dementia testing. However, she was diagnosed with early-onset dementia and placed in Aricept. When she had a fire in the microwave, she knew if was time to sell her home.

What a relief that she made that decision on her own. We toured all the apartments at the Independent Living facilities before placing her home on the market. When she was comfortable with moving into an apartment, we bought the unit. She had fun redecorating it completely! (She has always had impecable taste.) Her home sold the first day on the market. Three months later, I had gone through so much "stuff" from a large home with years of memories . . . things had been donated to Charity, given to family and friends or pitched. We had a great time making albums for all family members from photos, documents, letters, memos and so much more history of my parents lives. What a precious time we shared together. A week later, she didn't remember any of it. The movers arrived and moved furniture for an apartment. I've never been so confident in any decision. She would be safe; meals would be prepared; she would wear a call button if she needed help; housekeeping and laundry was provided; her beloved cat also moved with her. It was perfect!

Mom lived in the Independent Living for 10 years. As her dementia deteriorated, I changed how I interacted with her in an attempt to keep her mind as sharp as possible. We continued word games, word puzzles, crosswords, spelling bees, knitting, etc. I taught her to use the computer and she loved playing solitaire when I wasn't there! The next move was into the Assisted Living Apartment, which provided 24/7 nursing care, help with bathing, dressing, and more. She required PT frequently while in AL which was an additional expense. As her overall health declined, at times it became necessary to hire a private nurse to help. After four years in Assisted Living, it was time for Skilled Care. She needed 24/7 private duty nursing care the last year of her life.

Throughout the dementia journey with my mom, she remained friendly and generally a joy to be around. Sure, she had her moments of frustration. For the most part she was an pleasure to be around; she tried to understand what others were saying to her and she would communicate back as best she could. It made caring for her easy according to all the nursing staff. The never become a "silent, withdrawn resident." My son and I kept her interested and interesting. She passed away on July 18, 2017 at 94. She had lived a charmed life and had accomplished many things way before her time. To others she was an amazing trailblazer for women! I'm proud to call her "mom."  An amazing woman who led an amazing life; a life well lived.

We celebrated her life with great music including a 5-pc. brass band, Beethovan and Mozart, two fabulous vocalists and some Jazz. All music mom had requested. She was with us in spirit! The service was held on August 19th so family members from FL, MN and CA could stay in Lincoln, NE for the eclipse. Our family always enjoyed such things. Again, mom would have found great joy in that family get-together of all generations.  

Still find myself hitting the speed dial when I have something to share with mom. When driving down certain streets, I automatically want to turn toward her last address. There is a peace within my heart knowing she's no longer teathered to a walker or wheelchair and a joyful feeling knowing she's no longer trying to understand conversations. She had too much pride and intelligence to let dementia beat her! The fight again dementia  was exhausting, but she knew I was with her along the entire journey. She was never alone, afraid or had to made decision on her own. I was her best health care advocate. She had the specialists, nursing care and living faciliting available. <3