Temper, temper, temper

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

When I met my husband over 50 years ago, he had a bad temper. As quickly as he lost it, he regretted it and apologized. His father was the same so I suppose that's where he learned it. Just like my mother-in-law, I learned to deal with the outbursts because they were short-lived and meaningless. In every other way, he has always been a devoted, loving, doting, supportive husband, father and grandfather. Over time, the temper calmed. He stopped losing his cool over every little thing.

However, now my husband is in the very early stages of dementia. I'm noticing that the bad temper is re-emerging. I know that can be part of the illness, even in people who never had a bad temper. I am concerned about just how bad this may become. When I talk to the neurologist, all he ever says is call the local association. I don't know if anyone out there has dealt with this and can offer advice. I WILL definitely contact our local Alzheimer's Association but I am probably going to have knee replacement surgery this year and I'm worried about his ability to handle it. By the way, my husband doesn't think anything is wrong with him. He says that his doctor is a donkey's orifice (can't write out the actual word) and that I exaggerate his memory loss.

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

I think his anger may be his frustration in dealing with his disease. He doesn't believe anything is wrong but he knows he can't function like he used to.

If tkr is scheduled, please find someone who can look after you, take you to therapy, prepare meals, etc while you recover.

He can no longer look after you.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

That's the thing about Alzheimer's/dementia, the patient forgets that they have it.

It's not that they are in denial, or are dealing with not being the person that they once were.

It's just that they flat out don't know, don't remember being diagnosed with it.

Even the late Glen Campbell said in an interview, "I have Alz.....Alz....."

His wife finished for him by saying, "Alzheimer's."

Glen then said, "Alzheimer's. Really? I feel fine."

To them, they see the world as being against them.

They simply don't understand.

Yes, personalities can and do change.

If I could recommend anything, it would be to find a support group for caregivers of Alzheimer's/dementia patients.

Also, as much as you may hate the idea, know that sooner rather than later, he will need to be placed in a residential care facility, that specializes in memory loss patients.

You cannot afford the luxury of being in denial.

You have to be 100% honest with yourself about the reality of the situation.

Lastly, you need to take his car keys away from him.

He's already had one accident, the next time he could seriously injure or kill someone.

Yes, he'll throw a fit.

Let him.

Just walk away when he does.

It's bettet that he's cheesed off, than him killing some innocent person.

Tell his doctor in private, that you want him to notify the DMV to revoke his license, because he's not a safe driver anymore.

Because the truth is, he isn't.

Good luck.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

Yes, anger - and violence in the previously non-violent - is often a function of Alzheimers. It's a widely known symptom. It happened with my stepfather. He was the biggest chicken-**** on the planet and was normally quiet as a mouse - but he started raising his voice and raised a hand a couple of times to my mother as if he would hit her if she "provoked" him any more.

OP, I would do whatever you have to do (talk with friends and family, the Alzheimers Assoc, your local hospital's discharge planner whose job it is to advise people in these situations) to be sure that you have the proper help after your surgery. That might be visiting nurses or in-home PT, but ideally, what many do` is a short rehab & training in a facility where you will be given all the care & help you need.

I would also try very hard to insure that you are not left alone 24/7 with your husband until you are comfortably back on your feet and steady again. And be prepared for the fact that you having surgery and being away, even for a few days, might speed the progression of the disease. I don't say that for any reason other than it too is a well-known happening with Alzheimers ad it's not your fault. What will happen, will happen, as far as your husband. You can't change it or stop it, and you're not responsible for what happens or doesn't happen.

I wish you much luck in this, and feel for you. It's very difficult for a caregiver when the person is not yet in a stage where it's obvious to everyone and there's a concensus for controlled care. You just don't get the help needed; too many blow-offs, which is so depressing.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@Vivian, I am so sorry your husband has dementia. I personally would not bring that up to him. If his temper really flares and it is difficult to handle you really need to seek help from somewhere. I know one person with dementia but he is an easy going person and he is aware of his disease but there are certain things he does not remember at this point. I really wish you the best because I know it cannot be easy for you and bless your husband during this difficult time. Take care.

kindness is strength

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

@Snowpuppy wrote:
I think his anger may be his frustration in dealing with his disease. He doesn't believe anything is wrong but he knows he can't function like he used to.

If tkr is scheduled, please find someone who can look after you, take you to therapy, prepare meals, etc while you recover.

He can no longer look after you.

Yr surgeon needs to know about yr home situation before surgery so that yr recovery and rehab is not compromised

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

My sister was diagnosed with dementia in January. She is 54, divorced and has two teenagers. She is a relatively calm person. She turned into a demanding, suspicious, angry person. I had to become her conservator. We were told by the drs that she needed 24/7 care, so we had to place her in a home. She was thrown out of the home after four days because of her temper. We scrambled to find another home. She was there two days before they sent her to the hospital for a 72 hour psychiatric lockdown. She ended up staying a week.

Once back at the home, she was cool as a cucumber. The Drs found the right combination of medications that helped her temper. Talk with the Dr about a prescription that will calm him down. That will enable him to stay at home longer. We may have gone a different route if we knew the medication would have calmed her down 200%.

I don't know that life will be the same again. My sister calls me numerous times day and wants to know when she can go home. You may want to do research now on on what your options are. would you want someone to come to your home? Would a facility be a better choice? If things turn quickly, you know what your choices are. In the area where my sister lives, there were long waiting lists on the better facilities. I wish you the best as you take this on.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@Vivian So sorry you are having to deal with this horrible illness.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

When my Dad was young he had a hair trigger of a bad temper and he was also very mean and angry. When he got old and sick and eventually got dementia, he was the nicest guy and very mello. Too bad we couldn't appreciate it.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

Based on what I've seen and heard, I'm afraid you are in for difficult days as your husbands dementia progresses.

My best friends uncle was a kind, sweet, gentle man, but in the years between dementia and the Alzheimer's diagnosis, he turned into a pyromaniac, and set several fires inside the house. My friends aunt never knew where her husband found the matches he used to start the fires.

My great aunt was an escape artist when she was diagnosed with advanced dementia. She still thought she had to go to work, and would take off flying in her Ford Escort. Every time my cousins thought they had all of the keys to the car, my aunt would sneak out and take off again, so they finally sold the car and gave the new owner 5 sets of keys!

A distant cousin had one of the fastest progressions of Alzheimer's I've ever seen. Within 3 months of his diagnosis, his wife could no longer care for him at home because of his violent behavior. He went from mild and meek into a raging bull and hurt her several times. He died in the first month in an Alzheimer's unit, about 4 months after his diagnosis.

Your husband is going to change into someone totally different from the man you've known for 50 years. One day right in the midst of him seeming to do everything as normal as always, he will do something that totally shocks you.

As someone who has had a knee replacement, and is getting ready for my second, I will be straight forward and say I wouldn't trust your husband to be the support you're going to need. I wouldn't trust him to drive to the hospital, be home alone while you're in the hospital, or drive you to PT and followup appts.

My husband knows how much I am depending on him to help me recover a second time. It took 3 days of PT and a full week after surgery before I could raise my leg on my own to get in and out of my vehicle the first time. My blood was so thin when I left the hospital, the doctor told my husband I was not allowed to do anything where I might get a cut or scratch; I didn't even cut the meat on my plate for 2 weeks. I needed my husband to lift the CPM onto the bed twice a day for me to exercise my knee. My husband knows what he's going to have to do to help me, and knows I will make it easier for him with my early preparations.