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Valued Contributor
Posts: 579
Registered: ‎12-14-2015

Re: Starting over

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@Elom, I dont have advice for you, but it is just my sweet husband and I , i wonder how life will be without each other.May i pray for you ?I hope you find a  knot in the rope to hang on to. I feel so for you.Maybe when  time goes on you will se e more clearly . Sometimes  in service  to others we find ourselves ,  maybe  volunteer?adopt a pet in need? can i have your first  name or nickname to include you in  prayer?Love and hugs across the lines,Maryanne

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,704
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

I don't know how isolated or accommodated your cabin in the mountains is, but I would just stay there. If you are in good health and like animals you could always get a dog or cat. I'm not a social person so a cabin in the woods with my pets would do me just fine. Good luck.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,191
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Another thought, visit your library. I once read that you should frequent (if you can) the places you enjoy going to. There, you're more likely to meet more people with the same likes that you have. That would be the best of all worlds at this point for you I'd bet.

 

I know others will say, volunteer too and that's fine, but I like the above idea first. Some people aren't quite open or available to volunteer.

 

If I lived closer to a vet's hospital, I'd go visit some of the people there, write letters or read or just set and visit with some of them. People in places like that, might appreciate a visitor.  Those are just ideas I'm suggesting, as to some I might try.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,630
Registered: ‎04-10-2012

@Limbo4now wrote:

How do you start over at age 67? I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. My husband died suddenly a few years ago and since then I was left with the task of selling our home of 8 yrs in a state where he was employed at the time, I then put belongings in storage and went to a cabin in the mtns to sell which I haven't had success. So with only two grown children and no family it is quite the dilemma. 

It is not the social part that is the stumbling block but the where and how that is. Thank you, I have always had good help and responses from this forum.


I think if it was me......(and i know people who have done the same...)  I would find the area you want to live in and then look into assisted living.....you could decide how much or how little you might want to be involved in any activites offered.......but there would be others around if you needed help or assistance.......and others in the same age range...........or a 55 and older community where they offer services you may need  OR you could be as private as you wish....may near your daughters home......

Valued Contributor
Posts: 609
Registered: ‎06-15-2010

Thank you all for the heartfelt suggestions and thoughts. It gave me ideas going forward and  it seems hopeless at times but only I can change that.  I have some ideas as to where I might like to live. I just need a boost to get out there and do it!  

Ques your story of your father was touching and MalteseMama I could see myself doing what you did. So many positive thoughts, I truly needed that I was so doubting myself.

i don't have any family so that plays a huge part in all of this. Again Thanks for the positive!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,812
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Re: Starting over

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has your cabin been on the market long?  do you have to wait to sell it in order to find new housing? 

 

maybe you could lower the asking price to get a buyer.  if you don't have to wait in order to move, you may want to look around to see if there you can find something you like.  you seem awfully young to go into assisted living, but maybe a 50+ community might interest you.

 

best of luck!  @Elom

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,611
Registered: ‎05-13-2010

I can only say what I would do @Elom.  If $ were tight, I would get into subsidized housing in a location that pleased me.  You may wish to be near one of your kids in case you get sick in the future.  That aside, I would do what I have already done.  I would move to a college town with good services for older people and a good hospital.  We chose Ann Arbor, but there are many places like that in other states.  People in college towns are friendly and there is so much to do for next to no $. 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,892
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

I think deciding where you want to live needs to resolved before you can start over.  It sounds like you've been living in the cabin 8 years.  Do you like living there or would be out if there if it sold?  Is the money you get from the sale a nest egg or you need it to live on?  I think answering those questions will point you in the direction.

 

If you want to or finacially have to live in the cabin, I'm guessing it's close enough to a small city.  Look for some volunteer work.  What did you used to love to do, but haven't done it in forever?  Or what did you always want to do?

 

If the cabin is a nest egg and you are financially stable without the money, I'd drop the price to move it.  Not give it away, but a good drop. That may mean a new realtor.  I'm also guessing you don't want to live in the town where you used to live.  I would consider a state based on weather, cost of living, etc. and move there.  Perhaps go there before the cabin sells and check it out.

 

Look at it as an adventure.  Get out there and start living.  Good luck on your choices.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 29,298
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

@Elom I understand.  I always say we belong to a club that no one wants to belong to but unfortunately people are joining more and more at our age (I'm 70).  I was 58 when my husband died (I won't go into it everyone here has seen it too many times).

 

I am STILL in the house we had with all of our 'stuff'.  My 3 daughters are after me to sell it and move into a smaller house.  The house is very large and sits on 1 acre.  I don't even go into some of the rooms.  I also agree it's daunting.

 

You are ahead of me if you've already downsized, so that's good.  OK, this is coming from someone who has experienced what you have.  I'd say you should think about moving into a place where there are a MIXTURE of ages.  Please don't move into a place where everyone is old.  There's something to be said for taking a walk and running into mom's pushing babies and dad's running and teenagers and their enthusiasm for life.  You didn't say what your finances are but it sounds like you could afford a nice condo.  I love my girls but I'd never want to live with them, near them, yes, but not with them....ugh!

 

People say, "You've gotten over his sudden death so well".  What the hay?  I know they mean well but you never GET OVER IT, you learn to live with it.  I have a friend who's a younger widow.  She's been a widow longer but she's 9 years younger than me.  She doesn't date though.  We go to lunch or dinner maybe 4 times a week.  She helps get me out of the house other than the Drs.  I have a daughter who lives maybe 40 minutes away and I see her when it works for both of us (I usually go over there because she has 4 children in 4 different schools).

 

I think you should try to find a friend to do stuff with and if you can't try going to a place like Bingo.  I know a lot of people who've met friends at Bingo believe it or not, they have a ball!  I have a lot of friends in the area from high school and that's a good idea to meet them every now and then.  One leads to another and on and on.  It's fun to talk about 'the old days'.

 

Churches are always a good idea.  There are more Boomers now than ever and unfortunately more widow (male and female) Boomers than ever.

 

So....go ahead and start planning and it won't be long before you have your own place and your own friends.  There will come a time when you'll say, "I'm busy this day, how about another day".

 

I need to take my own advice.  I fully intend to do it.  I have friends who are helping me pack up 50 years worth of family life.  When I get tired I'm hiring a company to come in and pack it up (there are companies that do that).  My daughter hired them when she moved to Denver.

 

My girls want me to just move out of the house (with everything in it) and buy another house and THEN sell this one.  I can't leave this house alone like this.  Good grief!

 

Anyway, please come back and tell us how you are doing.  I'll let you know what's going on with me.  There's a group here called Widows and they are amazing.  Click on to them too.  Fondly, Annabelle/Linda

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,402
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Do you want to move out of the cabin and back to the city or are you financially comfortable? Often costs are much lower living rural.

 

RedTop gave great advice to rent your cabin if it's near hunting/fishing/state parks, etc. It's popular here in Northern MI. Find a realtor to handle the rentals for you. 

 

You might find getting your things out of storage and living with them or parting with them a step in the right direction. 

 

Be cautious with church activities. You'll find people who have an agenda and they may see you as a vulnerable widow. With assets and a warm roof over your head.