Starting over

Elom · ‎06-15-2010

How do you start over at age 67? I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. My husband died suddenly a few years ago and since then I was left with the task of selling our home of 8 yrs in a state where he was employed at the time, I then put belongings in storage and went to a cabin in the mtns to sell which I haven't had success. So with only two grown children and no family it is quite the dilemma.

It is not the social part that is the stumbling block but the where and how that is. Thank you, I have always had good help and responses from this forum.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

I personally would go to church. There's women's groups, music soothes the soul or comforts, and soon you'll have new friends, I would hope. That's my choice for me if I'm ever in your position. I wish you good luck. One day at a time, one step at a time.

Elom · ‎06-15-2010

Yes thank you I have a strong faith but I am at my daughters right now and definitely do not want to live here or with her. I think I need a small miracle at this point.

henderson · ‎03-18-2010

Grieving is the most difficult part. We lost our 33 yr old son in 2010. My husband and I went to GriefShare classes. Even though it's been 6 years, there's still in hole in my heart. I will be turning 70 soon. Our only son age 44 lives in another state and just got engaged. We have no biological grandchildren. Only my faith has gotten us thru our grief and there will be days, events that will trigger the tears. Are you looking for a new place to live? How about a community where there are others your age?

LTT1 · ‎03-09-2010

@Elom @qualitygal

I am very sorry for you and your situation at this time. I do not look forward to the days of one of us being without the other.

I am not a particularly social person, I don't think.

The things that occupy my mind are hobbies: I love playing with photo apps on my phone and I love reading/computering.

When you begin to feel isolated, get out if you can!

I have noticed that starting something even when you don't feel all that interested in it, begets opportunity to use that new interest. For instance, I made movies for the high school drill team and this gave me incentive to become more involved with video-ing!

~Have a Kind Heart, Fierce Mind, Brave Spirit~

Quse · ‎09-05-2014

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss.

The main thing would be to figure out exactly what you want. And there is the hard part. The battle between the 2 ears.

I'm not sure exactly what you're asking, since you said it wasn't the social part, so I'm inferring that it's monetary..can't move on until you sell the cabin. Unfortunately, depending on the proximity of the cabin to a major city, that's not usually something that sells quickly. There are some websites that cater to specific niche real estate (ocean, cabins), so you could try listing there. Also use every social media avenue available (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter) post pictures of the cabin, etc (tell a story inviting people to love the cabin)..and if that seems daunting, you're on this forum, so you are more tech saavy than you think...it's not much different and not difficult to learn.

I'm not sure if you want to live near your daughter (some people do, some don't)...so deciding what you want will be your question. You could maybe get a small apartment somewhere? Perhaps you have some talent that you could parlay into a part time income. Many people create items and sell them on Etsy or Ebay. Also, I just discovered a useful website that I really like called The Penny Hoarder. They have all kinds of tips for saving money, part time jobs, etc...

And don't fall for the "I'm too old to start over"...my father, who will be 97 in April, had to move a few years back and never thought he could leave his house after my mother died. He goes to happy hour every Friday, works part time in a store and takes Quantum Physics and Calculus courses for fun.

Once you decide what you really want, half the battle is already over. Good luck!

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

I don't have any solutions for you, but a suggestion. Keep your mind busy, even if its only doing crosswords, or a jigsaw puzzle, or playing games online

It will help keep you from constantly dwelling on unhappy thoughts

God Bless you

software · ‎06-08-2016

I'm very sorry for your loss.

My beloved passed 4 years ago but I did not have to sell my primary residence.

I did have to sell 2 other homes we owned and it was a pain so I identify with your situation.

If you've raised kids and had a husband all your adult life, then I'm sure you pretty much did everything for them, while you took a back seat.

Now you can do everything for YOU.

Put yourself first.

If you find yourself making decisions because it's what your husband or kids would want, stop. You can honor his memory in other ways. And your kids are grown, they can take care of themselves.

That's all the advice I can give without knowing more about your circumstance.

@Limbo4now wrote:
How do you start over at age 67? I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. My husband died suddenly a few years ago and since then I was left with the task of selling our home of 8 yrs in a state where he was employed at the time, I then put belongings in storage and went to a cabin in the mtns to sell which I haven't had success. So with only two grown children and no family it is quite the dilemma.
It is not the social part that is the stumbling block but the where and how that is. Thank you, I have always had good help and responses from this forum.

MalteseMomma · ‎03-09-2010

@Limbo4now wrote:
How do you start over at age 67? I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. My husband died suddenly a few years ago and since then I was left with the task of selling our home of 8 yrs in a state where he was employed at the time, I then put belongings in storage and went to a cabin in the mtns to sell which I haven't had success. So with only two grown children and no family it is quite the dilemma.
It is not the social part that is the stumbling block but the where and how that is. Thank you, I have always had good help and responses from this forum.

@Elom

About 3 yrs after my DH died,I was suddenly thinking ,well noone is gonna get me out of this (grief/ life style/aloneness, but me! My adult kids had done all they could for me but I was sensing I needed more.......

So I thought of things I liked to do. however small they were.I was always a homegal and enjoyed my home and family even though they were grown.My home/family were my only interest all my life.

I thought ,well ,I like birdfeeding.I had birdfeeders outside I loved to watch. This was a very small thing that opened the doors to my life again.

I read in my newspaper there was a birdwatching walk in a park near me. So I went .I enjoyed it very much ,there were people of all ages

.

I happened to strike up a conversation with the leader and she told me of a Nature Center very near me that I never knew was there..lol She offered to take me there the next day or so.

I went and loved it.I joined the Audobon Society that held it's meetings there and made friends with many people and went all over on bird watching trips with them .

Not only that,but I joined the Nature Center and became a volunteer Trail Guide. I took groups of all ages, into the woods and told them what they were seeing (went to classes) Taught school kids about lots of stuff.lol I loved it,really loved it.I made many new friends and we enjoyed doing things together.I went to lunches and Tea's and Cocktail parties all having to do with the Nature Center...lol I met many influential people. Quite a change for a homegal...lol

From there I started to volunteer in church and local hospital.I especially went in when others wanted to be home with families on special holidays.I was offered a top job in the Hospital but loved volunteering more so I refused it.. I went far in all those yrs and became a top notch volunteer and made a wonderful impt life for myself. Who would think i would get honors and medals from everywhere.lol....(not bragging) I sang in my church Choir in Lincoln Center and Carnegie Hall, NYC during Christmas Holidays Worked in soup kitchens,taught kids CCD classed and became the Director of Religous Ed in my church. I got 2 very special medals from the Pope. I could go on and on ,this was over 25 yrs of volunteering.

I say all this because it all started with a simple little thing I did everyday, like feeding birds and it brought me all around the world.........litterally!

You can do it @Elom start small.............I wish you the best of everything as you move forward...........

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

Have you thought about renting the cabin for income until you can sell it? Several of the state parks in my area of southern WV have cabins for rent, and guests love to stay there.

One of my friends from work schedules frequent weekend visits with her children who live in different states, 8 and 12 hours away, by finding a halfway point to meet and stay. They found rental cabins in the 2 states, and meet their kids about every 2 months or so. This way no one has the entire drive, so there's more time to visit with less stress.

My BIL's extended family has rented cabins here for more than 20 years. They live in a big city, but love the country experience on their weekend visits, and holiday vacations. They bring their clothes, toiletries and food, and then try to get in as much porch time as possible--in the porch swing and rocking chairs.

I am 61, and my husband is in poor health. The situation you're in has crossed my mind many times. My goal is to remain right here in this house until I die.

Sending prayers and best wishes as you navigate a new stage of your life.