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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,955
Registered: ‎08-13-2010

Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

Just adding into elderly parents driving which my 90yr FIL still doing it plus want to say my DH & SIL have to give him monthly checks to pay his bills. He never saved a cent, thought soc sec would take care of him well NO so we have to send him monthly checks to pay his bills. Reversed his mortgage at 65yrs but the checks stopped now, so we got to help him out. When MIL died DH & his sister had to pay for funeral also when he goes same thing. My parents were so organized had funeral money account made it easier for me & brother. Why do some parents don't care, live a life style the can't afford & don't care? Their kids have to pay the toll.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,644
Registered: ‎07-26-2014

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

In some cultures, it is the childrens DUTY to take care of their parents in their "old" age. 

 

Would it be possible for your FIL to move in w/you or your SIL?

 

I use to have a neighbor whose children paid her rent.  She was living off of her dead husband's SS.  Really sad.

One of her daughters found their mother an affordable housing apt.  Now they no longer have to pay her bills.  I talked to her not too long ago catching up on gossip.  She is happy as a lark.

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."


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Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,967
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

My parents helped me, but I have never had to help them.  They were savers and never spent money they didn't have.

 

I do have an older family member that is living on SS only.  She inherited quite a bit of money from two different people and bought a modest home years ago and had enough money in the bank to last her for many years.  When she retired, she took out a line of credit on her home and spent all her money in the bank. She was nibbling away at the cash for quite a time while she was working too. She is now broke and owes the bank plenty.

 

My brother is paying her RE taxes or she would lose her home, and I am helping with groceries and buying her clothing and medication. When she comes into a little money... like Xmas cash from friends and family, she blows it.

 

I have tried to talk her into selling her home and moving into subsidized senior citizen housing, but she refuses. She wants to live in her own home.

 

I suppose I enable her and I know that I shouldn't.   I know I can't do this forever.  My DH and I are both retired too.

 

I feel for you.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,329
Registered: ‎09-15-2016

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

Sadly some did plan but have lost their retirement benefits. You work a lifetime & it's all gone. I know, I'm living it.

Contributor
Posts: 73
Registered: ‎08-07-2012

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

[ Edited ]

My sister and I each contributed over $300  a month to my mom's rent when she retired. She was widowed early (1967 and passed away in 2002) and only worked retail.  She fell into the social security donut hole so her funds were really limited.  I remember her telling us she couldn't touch the $25,000 in her bank account as that was our inheritance.  She was a very happy, well dressed, well liked woman who made due, traveled a little and was a good mom. It was our pleasure to do that for her.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,688
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

Recently saw on the news that it takes about $13,000 a year to raise a child............if you want to put that into perspective............

♥Surface of the Sun♥
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,513
Registered: ‎10-27-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

No, but I happily would help if need be. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,436
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

My father was widowed when I was young. He had three children and a mortgage. We didn't have the best but we never went without. When he retired he worked part time to supplement his income, when he got sick my brother and helped him. My brother moved in with him, and we both made sure he had what he needed till the day he died. He did for us and we were honored to do for him. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,530
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?

[ Edited ]

It's difficult when a parent has led an irresponsible life, never thinking about tomorrow or how their actions may affect their children or loved ones.  They do whatever they want,  leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces.    

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,551
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Anyone have to give money to elderly parents?


@Carmie wrote:

My parents helped me, but I have never had to help them.  They were savers and never spent money they didn't have.

 

I do have an older family member that is living on SS only.  She inherited quite a bit of money from two different people and bought a modest home years ago and had enough money in the bank to last her for many years.  When she retired, she took out a line of credit on her home and spent all her money in the bank. She was nibbling away at the cash for quite a time while she was working too. She is now broke and owes the bank plenty.

 

My brother is paying her RE taxes or she would lose her home, and I am helping with groceries and buying her clothing and medication. When she comes into a little money... like Xmas cash from friends and family, she blows it.

 

I have tried to talk her into selling her home and moving into subsidized senior citizen housing, but she refuses. She wants to live in her own home.

 

I suppose I enable her and I know that I shouldn't.   I know I can't do this forever.  My DH and I are both retired too.

 

I feel for you.


@Carmie- you are a good egg Carmie but you and your Brother are enablers.  Heart