Among Friends

[LilacTree]

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@Calcgirl wrote:

For those over 65:

Would you live with someone who did not love you just so you would not be lonely or alone?

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@Calcgirl

No . . . and it has nothing to do with age.   I made that decision over 50 years ago.  I had four wonderful children, a massive extended family, and a full time job.  I was never as lonely as I was when I lived for eight years with a man who did not love me. 

[Financialgrl]

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@qvcaddition wrote:

@Desertdi

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@Desertdi wrote:

Several insufferable old codgers have asked to move in with me.   All they want is free room and board.    They can find somebody else.

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They just want a NURSE OR A PURSE.  I've had the same offers when I was in my 70's, not so much in my 80's.  Ha I live alone and love in, but then I'm still very active and in good health.  No gardner, cook, or house cleaner.  It's all me, and hopefully I can keep it that way. 

I've had three husbands die over the last 30 years, and it was harder when I was younger because i didn't learn how to become independent yet.  My last husband died in 2002, and though, I was used to someone in the house, I learned how to do things for myself, and what i didn't know, I had him show me.  Thank God.  This year in July, I painted a bedroom, back fences, power washed the bricks and fixed a leak in my bathroom toliet.  I tell young people today, women, learn how to do for yourself and any help is icing on the cake, but be responsible for you, don't be dependent.  Find out about the banking.  I have friends that husbands take care of everything.  Great, but know how to do it just in case.  My DIL, can't do any of that stuff.  My son takes care of everything and she is in her early 50;s.  Just lazy.  This goes for men also, who wives do everything for them.  Women are stronger than men when one or the other goes.

Anyway, didn't mean to preach, but ladies, don't leave everything up to your husbands, unless you know how to handle things in case something happens.

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A female friend and I are both in 60s.  Her husband died, my BF is in memory care and we both said we no longer interested in looking for someone.  We each enjoy our homes and living alone.  She used to always say - most guys our age want a younger woman and for us to be the younger woman we'd be with guys in their 70s or 80s and she used to always use the term "a nurse or a purse".   

I have a male friend whose my age and I've known for 30+ years who is gay, has a partner and he and I do many things together, with and without his partner.  We just took a trip together a week through the south and his partner still works - he joined us halfway through the trip.  It's so great - a great friend and no expectations.  

[Noel7]

I wouldn’t, but that’s just me.  I’m an only child who learned early on to entertain myself.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt lonely.  I still like alone time but I don’t get it very often now that DH is retired.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

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@Calcgirl wrote:

Thank you for all the interesting inputs.  I especially like the one concerning lonely vs alone; so true.

How this subject came up was I had dinner with some friends and one of them shared a man friend she cares for moved in with her.  We are concerned for her because he pays very little, just food, car and gas.  He does do some things around the house, which she likes. Our concern is it bothers her that he has no interest in marriage at all; both lost their spouses and his grown kids are not in favor of him getting remarried.  She is a Christian who feels she is living in sin.  I know you will ask why in the heck did she agree to this arrangement, as we girls did!  He was suffering from depression, had prostate cancer and lost his business and went bankrupt; she is a very sweet lady and through loneliness and compassion offered and admitted, begged him to move in so she could care for him, assuming this would lead into marriage.  In his defense, he was upfront with her about never getting married. I guess he tells her he loves her, for whatever that means.  We are concerned, as is her kids that he is taking advantage of her good heart. She is not rich and lives on a fixed income ( I think retirement).  He does appear to be kind to her and she is happier in many respects except for the guilt of living together in sin.  With her permission I wrote this post to see what you gals thought.  I should have been more precise with my original post.  By the way they are both in their late sixties, he is a couple years younger than she is.

If she feels that way she should have him move out, IMHO.

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[chiclet]

If you had asked me years ago at different ages what constituted a good marriage/relationship, I would have had different answers.  Now is it simple to me.  It should be a union that satisfies most of both parties needs (no one person can satisfy all your needs).  If both parties are good with it, that is all that matters.  A lot of people are married or together for many reasons other than soul mates, love of your life etc.   In my youth I would have thought that terrible but now I realize not everyone gets that love of your life experience or if you do, life changes it into something else. 

[Financialgrl]

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@blackhole99 wrote:

If my husband died, I would advertise for a young man who was energetic and handy who wanted a place to live, in exchange for taking care of my property. I live in the woods and there are many day to day things that crop up that I can not take care of by myself. Just today I noticed there was a large branch from a wild cherry tree that was about to fall down. Thank goodness my husband was able to cut it down and remove it. I have a basement apartment with a private entrance that is quite nice that he could live in. I would get myself a nice dog for companionship and protection.

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Years ago I took in dad when he could no longer live alone so moved rural to be closer to a brother should I need help with dad.  Dad died and brother moved and as beautiful as the area was, it was very isolated and began to require things I couldn't do alone.  

Power outages - could be a week or so till they got to us.  Even after having my home wired for a portable generator eventually pulling that in and out of the garage to plug it into the transfer switch became too hard.  I made the decision at 60, I wanted to be closer to grocery stores, better medical, etc and just moved.  As much as I'd have loved to remain there, I gotta say that being back in the burbs, "civilization", I'm rediscovering some of the things like wifi again bc it was so spotty and often nonexistent in the country but I totally understand what you are saying.  

[Msfitness]

@AKgirl2 thanks for your words of wisdom.  I will remember that.  

[OnlyShopsOnline]

I'm not over 65 yet....just turned 59.  But, I think about this a lot lately...being alone.  God forbid my husband passes before I do, because I don't like being alone.

However, I don't think I could live with a man, just so I wasn't alone.  I'd probably sell the house and move into a condo....maybe a little closer to my daughter and her family.

I hope this isn't a decision I have to make.