Among Friends

[Tabbycat]

Dear Hyacinth, I don't spend a lot of time on these boards anymore, so I'm glad I came today and saw your post.

I hope the Lord is blessing you with a somewhat peaceful day today. No matter how old you are, it's so hard to lose a parent. I understand your pain and loss. {{HUGS}}

I was in my mid 20's when my Mom died age 58. She didn't meet my husband and see me get married. I loved her so deeply and grieved her loss for 18 years, until she came to me in a dream early one morning.

Be sure and try to take care of yourself. You may not get to grieve until you get your Dad's estate settled. There's was a lot to do. And you should think about taking the 10% at the end because you will surely deserve it. I said the same thing early on, but in the end, I earned it and Dad would have wanted me to have it.

It sounds like your Dad was in assisted living? So you won't have get his home ready for sale. That can be a hard thing to do, because of things you run across that bring back memories.

My Dad lived to age 88 in his own home, on his own. Still did his own cooking till his last day. A neighbor helped with cleaning.

Dad had made his own funeral arrangements, paid for and wrote other instruction. He planned cremation and wanted no services. Still, a number of family and friends came to the cemetary on the day his remains were buried next to Mom.

He had sold the farm and downsized his home. He had grandchildren he didn't want left out.

Basically, he had his will done in a way where every single thing was sold and all the $ was put in an account. Expenses were to be paid out of that account. At the end he had figured out each persons percentage. So, that was the easy part.

Except oldest brother wasnt happy. But you know something? It wasn't his estate and I was sorry he wasn't happy....we all knew he wouldn't be, including Dad.

When brother's time comes, he gets to plan how he wants his estate to be settled and he gets to choose his executor.

When it came to Dad's home, I had a sit down with his lawyer, whom he had a close friendship with.

Lawyer was an old schoolmate of mine, which was very cool. He suggested, since there were grandchildren and great grands just starting out, that we organize every article of any value and put a price on it.

Then we divided it up among everyone involved who could use this or that. It all came out pretty evenly. It worked out nice because we didn't have to deal with an auction or yard sale and the grands got a few things they needed.

The sale of his home and all the other monies went into the account.

So..... That's how we figured out how to settle my Dad's estate. Every family is different and with their own faith. The death of a loved one, especially where there is any thing of value can bring out the ugliness in familes. I'm so grateful God gave me the strength to keep everyone in order. Being 6 hours away was really hard. I made a lot of trips and I was so worn out.

You are very wise to make everything as simple as possible for your dear daughter far in advance. Excellent advice, too, you gave your friend with 3 children.

Thank you for telling me about your tabbies. I just loved that little story. I've had several tabbies over my 64 years. They have always been my favorites. Your story brought a tear to my eye... actually it brought tears rolling down my cheeks.

My last Tabby, named John Kennedy, died a year after Dad passed..... shortly after I settled his estate. He was 16 yo and I adored him so. I got him as a kitten shortly after John Kennedy Jr plane went down.

DH and I can't bare to get another one, we were so devasted, I just don't think we're ready to lose another one yet. He wasn't our first lost kitty. We don't have children together. DH has a son and 1 grandson from his first marriage. I don't have any.

 I want you to take care of yourself now ...... ok, Dear Hyacinth? Take good care. I'll pray that your faith will give you the strength to carry on. 

[patbz]

I was the executrix for the estates of both my parents.  They both were infirm when they passed and I handled all their personal and financial stuff for 13 years (they were in MD  and I was in CA.  Besides myself, my brother was the only heir.  Didn't run into too many problems with him but some petty stuff (he thought he could give away tools and antique furniture without clearing it through me -- I cut him off at the pass -- nicely.  He never helped with anything, although I indicated he was welcome to help with funeral arrangements, moving my Mom across the country and putting her in a local home, preparing and selling the family home.  At first, I was inclined to send him an annual accounting of everything but a co-worker (thankfully) good me that, from her experience, NOT to do that (I didnt).  In the end I sent my brother a check for several hundred thousand dollars (to his credit, he was overjoyed and thanked me).  Initially I wasn't going to take the management fee but for 13 years of a second job, I did!  

My advice is proceed as you are and take the 10%:  you'll earn it!