Among Friends

[blackhole99]

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@CareBears wrote:

@blackhole99 I never thought I would be bullied as an adult and I thought to myself NO WAY would I put up with it, and then it happened to me! In my case, in the beginning I was able to just laugh it off (kind of, I hurt in silent), but as it progressed and the attacks became more frequent, I did try to tell her to knock it off, but when I did defend myself she came at me even harder and she also would turn it around and play the victim making me look like I was the bully, and NEVER was I cruel, but tbullies are masters of making their victims feel guilty!  By the time I finally left, I believed every cruel statement she had said about me, and I actually believed I deserved it!

Unless you have lived through it, it is too hard to explain how it affects you mentally, I have never claimed to be a strong person, I am far from it, and she knew this about me and used that against me.  

Like I mentioned in my original post, the day I finally woke up and said ENOUGH, something came over me that morning and I was invincible, but I will admit after I had deleted my email address, changed our phone numbers, and left social media, I started shaking and crying so uncontrollaby that I thought I would never stop, I think my mind and body finally was able to let go of a year worth of mental pain, and I was relieved and for the first time I saw hope and it overwhelmed me!

It has been almost 5 years now, and to this day I still have moments when the names she called me, the statements she made to me, still haunt me, I honestly think they always will, and I still question every relationship I have, even my marriage, I ask my husband "You do still love me right", I have a long way to go when it comes to trust issues and believing in ME again, but I'll get there, I like to say "I am a work in progress".

And in my defense, when I did leave that situation, I never said a word to her, I simply left so she could not use my words against me, she knew what she did to me she did not deserve an explanation!

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@CareBears You don't have to defend yourself to me sister, I'm just glad you were able to pull yourself out of that terrible relationship. You would have to be made of stone to have gone through what you did and not come out of it without some issues. Stay strong and if you feel like I was judging you, please forgive me.

[Moonchilde]

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@blackhole99 wrote:

I know you can't watch what your kids are doing 24/7 anymore, if parents ever did, but I just don't understand all this bulling. I just found out over the holiday that my son's SO was bullied by the kids at her private Catholic school when she was a kid. I could not believe the other kids would make fun of such a beautiful child. She said they didn't think she was beautiful, they made fun of her for being so small and dark skinned and she said she had trouble with her teeth and they constantly taunted her about that. I can only imagine what she would have gone through in public school. Why are the kids so mean? I remember telling my son when he was old enough to understand what it meant to hurt someone's feelings, what the deal was. We don't comment on someone's appearance negatively and keep your hands to yourself. That's probably not the answer to the big problem, but you gotta start somewhere. I think when someone bullies you as an adult you need to be able to defend yourself or physically get out of the situation.

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@blackhole99, we have a name to put on it today - bullying. It has occurred, with or without the name, everywhere children/youth congregate or live together since probably earliest civilizations.

Most people were teased or made fun of by their peers for *something* in their childhood, called names, and similar. It was part of growing up and you shook it off.

I don't consider that bullying. Bullying to me includes any or all of physical intimidation, real or threatened, "following" everywhere - physically and on social media, on the phone, and encouraging others to do the same. Making sure the person is hounded during their waking hours. Something very difficult to get away from. To me that's FAR different than a few kids taunting "four-eyes!" periodically at a kid with glasses and then running off.

[CareBears]

@blackhole99 I did not feel that way at all sweetie, I just want to help everyone to understand (more for my validation, as so many people dismiss my fears as me exaggerating the circumstances), that until you have lived through a situation when a person is intent on destroying you, a person will never understand what it does to you mentally, it is not easy to just forget about it and let it lie in the past!

I am a sensitive person I am the fist person to admit that, but when you are constantly berated by a person who claims to love you, it messes with your head & your heart, and I never thought I would fall victim to a bully, but she knew how to play me like a fiddle, and she nearly won!

My only intent is to ask people to watch what you say to others, it may be a joke or funny to you, but it may be the last straw to someone else, I am famous for quoting, "If you would not like it said to you, then don't say it to someone else". I just feel so strong about this issue, I don't want to see another person suffer through what I did!

[Moonchilde]

@CareBears, what you describe sounds exactly like spousal abuse.

True, abusers are bullies and know their victims' psychology and use it to their advantage. A serial abusive personality is a whole other thing. Nasty, in so many ways.

[CareBears]

@Moonchilde The person who spent a year bullying me was a woman who claimed to be my "Best Friend" for 16 years.

If had not been for my husband and another friend supporting me when I finally revealed what was happening, I honestly do not think I would be here today, my husband is the most amazing man, and I have an angel by my side with the friend I have!

[Moonchilde]

@CareBears, I know your friend was a woman. I suspect that whoever a SO turns out to be for her, male or female, that SO/spouse will be subjected to the same treatment. I don't think people like that are satisfied with only one victim. Good for you and your support to be rid of her.

[CareBears]

@Moonchilde I know for a fact through a friend that had stayed in touch with her for a brief period that she moved on to another person when I walked away, and knowing her she has a long line of victims, she was proudest of herself when she could brag about her cruel actions!

When I knew her she had been married for 40 years, I used to say that she changed just over the last year, but so many people have told me that she always had it in her, she just chose when to show it to you.

[Moonchilde]

Wow, @CareBears, a true toxic personality. The word can be overused but sometimes it's very apt.