Re: Please help me solve an argument with DH

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@Karie2022 wrote:
I don’t know, I guess I’m seeing it a bit different...he’s going to a place that op adores and it’s her favorite place in the whole world, a place they’ve shared together many times and activities they love to do together, and not only is she not invited, but he’s going with men he’s not even close to except for the occasional chit chat on Facebook....strange I think...like op said, if he was going to a hunting retreat, or somewhere she could care less about, she’d be fine with that...this is a special place for her, and them as a couple, I totally get it, and I would be hurt as well..has nothing to do with being joined at the hip.. again just my opinion😀

She isn't able to go in the first place. She's already said she has to work. On top of everything else, it also appears she thinks he should save all his vacation time until she is available. Of course she wouldn't care if he was going somewhere she didn't want to go. Who would... That really isn't the point... Or, on second thought, maybe that's exactly the point... For some folks it really is all about them and what they want...

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

Karie2022 · ‎03-26-2010

@stevieb wrote:
@Karie2022 wrote:
I don’t know, I guess I’m seeing it a bit different...he’s going to a place that op adores and it’s her favorite place in the whole world, a place they’ve shared together many times and activities they love to do together, and not only is she not invited, but he’s going with men he’s not even close to except for the occasional chit chat on Facebook....strange I think...like op said, if he was going to a hunting retreat, or somewhere she could care less about, she’d be fine with that...this is a special place for her, and them as a couple, I totally get it, and I would be hurt as well..has nothing to do with being joined at the hip.. again just my opinion😀
She isn't able to go in the first place. She's already said she has to work. On top of everything else, it also appears she thinks he should save all his vacation time until she is available. Of course she wouldn't care if he was going somewhere she didn't want to go. Who would... That really isn't the point... Or, on second thought, maybe that's exactly the point...

Yes, after re-reading it I see both sides...whatever...hope they work it out👍🏻

Take time every day to enjoy where you are without a need to fix it

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

I'd go for sure! In fact, I've traveled solo or with friends for years. Spouse has been asked but always "finds a reason to decline.

We planned to someday go to Hawaii now is the time! Went to get all info, dates, etc. now he tells me "you go!" not his dream anymore.

Weve been married since I was 19...so, we are comfortable dong our own things.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@homedecor1 wrote:
I'd go for sure! In fact, I've traveled solo or with friends for years. Spouse has been asked but always "finds a reason to decline.

We planned to someday go to Hawaii now is the time! Went to get all info, dates, etc. now he tells me "you go!" not his dream anymore.

Weve been married since I was 19...so, we are comfortable dong our own things.

That was how my folks were. Dad just wanted to stay home. He had a fear someone would come in and take things. He had "0" growing up, so for him, I think it was very deep seeded. Mom loved people and doing things. She never went anywhere unless it was a bingo game by bus, but it worked for them I guess. She knew she had to be out and with people. He didn't. So it went. @homedecor1

reiki604 · ‎03-09-2010

If it's a place neither of us has been to, then I would not go and wait to go with DH. If we had been there before then It would be ok if one of us went without the other.

ETA: Having read the whole thread i'll ammend my reply to... Heck yeah I'd go or encourage him to go.

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown

ScarletDove · ‎07-11-2010

That is an easy answer, go!

dex · ‎03-09-2010

I have a feeling that if your DH decides to go you won’t handle it well.i hope that you have a change of heart and decide to encourage him to go and have fun with no hard feelings ...it’s not like you have never been there.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Venezia wrote:
Now that we know the actual situation, I think it puts a different light on things.

If he wants to go on a trip with a group of guys that he hasn't seen in 16+ years, I'd say let him go with good grace. It's only a week or 10 days. They'll likely want to catch up and, if there are no other women there, you'd be the odd one out, if you insisted on going.

Will he bow to your preference perhaps (not to go), but then resent you for it later, if he hears that all the other guys had a great time?

I don't subscribe to the view that couples have to be joined at the hip. I have friends who visit me from England and we make short trips elsewhere while they're here. My DH has no problem at all with it, nor would I, if the situation were reversed.

I presume you and he can go to the Caribbean together another time?

I agree. Having the full story makes the answer much more clear-cut to me. The Carribean is the OP's dream place, yes, but she's been there with him many times before and will likely go again, so it's not as though this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that she'll miss out on.

If he wants to be with friends he never sees, then why not? Why should he have to pass on this unique opportunity? Couples (married or otherwise) don't have to do everything together. I don't understand why a wife wouldn't want this for her husband. It sounds as though it means a lot to him.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@slmartino wrote:
Good morning all...wow, funny how the tables turned overnight! LOL There was nothing more relevant in my update than in the original post and despite what others think, there was nothing misleading. The original post did say friends asking one of us to go somewhere without the other and the fact that Ive been to the caribbean mulitple times is irrelevant. This particular island they are going to I've never been.

However, I guess it's the un-selfish side of me in the fact that I couldn't go on vacation with girflriends either and enjoy myself knowing that my DH was sitting home wishing he was where I am and enjoying things that I'm enjoying as well. Now if I was going to a spa vacation, yoga retreat, shopping, etc. he wouldnt care and if the tables were turned, I wouldnt either, but the fact that he is going to a place that I want to be at and doesn't care how I feel is very telling to me.

No, we're not attached to the hip, but I don't feel that its right to take vacation time from work that we could be using together. He isnt going because he wants to see his guy friends, he has never kept in touch with them all these years so they arent that important, he's only going so he can enjoy a sport that we both enjoy by himself in a place that we should both be together. He wants to go on a golfing trip, to a camping trip, mans retreat, I could care less and yes I would drop him off to the airport, but to specifically choose a place that he knows right well that I want to be at but dont have the opportunity to go is just a slap in the face to me. I would never do that to him and think its pretty selfish of him to do it to me.

But that's it, just one final update. I'm off to enjoy labor day weekend so I wont be back anytime soon. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves if you like, but thats the end of the discussion from my side.

It doesn't seem to me that the tables turned for no reason. It's pretty obvious that some posters felt differently once the full story was revealed. The original info was misleading.

And no, it's not irrelevant that you've been to the Carribean with your husband many times before. A lot of posters thought it was your dream destination and somewhere you had never been.

My advice (not that I expect it to be taken) is to send him off with a smile. Wish him a good trip, and mean it! Get out of your own head, stop thinking of it as something he's doing "to" you, and just be happy he'll be spending time with his friends and doing something he wants to do. IMO he is not at all the one who is being selfish.