Among Friends

[In-x-s]

If I'm reading this scenario correctly, it is a place HE wants to go and I don't give a rip about so no, I would not go if he couldn't.  That's kind of like a slap in the face.

If it's a place I wanted to go and he didn't give a poop about the place, then yes, I'd go with friends who were going and he could stay home.

[Catiele]

I wouldn’t want to go and neither would he. One night and he said no. Not sure if It was me or the bed. Loves his bed.

[janeec]

We would go together or not at all.  That's why we are married.  We are each individuals but chose to go through life together.  

[jannabelle1]

Nope - I'd never do that. I'm not into these vacations or get-away times with friends that leave spouses behind, and I don't trust them. So no, I wouldn't want this. But, if your hubby wants to do that then I'd let him do it - I wouldn't support what he wants to do, but I'd leave it up to him. And I'd wonder why he feels the need to do that. And if possible, I'd find a nice place to go by myself.....are you sure that's what he really is going to do with his "friends"?

[IMW]

No husband no trip for me. Location has nothing to do with it.

[house_cat]

If it was his dream destination, I wouldn't think of going without him. If it were my dream destination, I'm sure he'd tell me to go and enjoy myself.

[slmartino]

Thank you everyone.  Getting ready to sign off here for the night but now that answers are in, and they are mostly leaning towards how I feel, thought i would give an update and the exact situation.

Dh wants to go on a watersports vacation for a week - week and a half with friends that he hasn't seen in 16+ years to the caribbean.  These arent people that he regularly sees, talks to or goes on vacation with as they live in another country and he hasn't had hardly any contact with the exception of being facebook friends in a long time.

Now, the caribbean is my heart.  Thats my happy place, the place where I always want to be, the place I've been vacationing for the last 30+ years and where I go any chance I can get.  We always go to the caribbean together, I feel that it is a couples vacation, not a singles place.  We've also gone together for many years and both participated in watersports.  But because this is a "guys" trip, the women are not going, however I am having a hard time getting him to understand that it's not right to leave me sit at home, have to work, take care of the house, cook dinner, etc while him and his friends are out partying it up in the islands!   Not to mention that this guys trip is actually occuring over the week of Valentines Day!   If the situation was reversed and I had the opportunity to go somewhere that he enjoys and he couldn't go, I would never go.  Not only would I only want to go with him, but I would feel terrible enjoying myself while I know that he was miserable at home just stewing in jealousy.  I admittedly have taken short weekend trips with friends or family in the past, but it was only done with the fact that he had zero interest in where we were going so I knew that he just didn't care.

So I'm glad to see that a large majority of users are in agreement with what is the right thing to do.   I'm not his mother or owner so I will let him go if that's sitll what he wants to do, but it certainly puts a bad taste in my mouth that he doesn't care that I'd be sitting home.   We'll see what happens!    Interesting replies, thanks!

[haddon9]

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@In-x-s wrote:

If I'm reading this scenario correctly, it is a place HE wants to go and I don't give a rip about so no, I would not go if he couldn't.  That's kind of like a slap in the face.

If it's a place I wanted to go and he didn't give a poop about the place, then yes, I'd go with friends who were going and he could stay home.

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This makes sense to me.  I would go if he really didn't care....why stay home and not take advantage of the opportunity?!  However if he wanted to go badly but couldn't it wouldn't be very supportive if I went.

[Venezia]

Now that we know the actual situation, I think it puts a different light on things.

If he wants to go on a trip with a group of guys that he hasn't seen in 16+ years, I'd say let him go with good grace.  It's only a week or 10 days.  They'll likely want to catch up and, if there are no other women there, you'd be the odd one out, if you insisted on going.

Will he bow to your preference perhaps (not to go), but then resent you for it later, if he hears that all the other guys had a great time?

I don't subscribe to the view that couples have to be joined at the hip.  I have friends who visit me from England and we make short trips elsewhere while they're here.  My DH has no problem at all with it, nor would I, if the situation were reversed.

I presume you and he can go to the Caribbean together another time?

[kelsey17]

I couldn't go because i would feel too guilty if it was a place my spouse wanted to go to so badly....my husband does go with a few friends every year to a 4 day golf outing...i don't mind.....but i would not be happy if it was a place i wanted to go to so badly....but a golf course isn't it...ha.

Just wanted to add....i am SURE my husband would go if he really wanted to....................