Among Friends

[CouponQueen]

Going to be absolutely honest here.

I feel for this lady I really do and would check in for a update after she posted her situation and how she was making plans to leave. Then we heard nothing...

Abusive relationships are horrific to live and also to leave.

Unfortunately what I have read (and with 30 years mental health experience ) she is now at the stage of making excuses why she can't leave. It is always frightening to leave your abuser.

The last we heard her Daughter and Husband was with her all the way...this man is an abusive alcoholic..he is not going to change..no time is going to be right. You just do it and if need be involve the authorities and obtain a Restraining Order. 

The first post was done with anger and upset for putting his hands on his granddaugher roughly..that should of been GAME OVER..and it was for a short time.. That incident still happened and now she isn't over for long periods of time. So who loses...? The little girl.

We all have health issues, we all have problems and things we content with on a daily basis. No person here knows what another is going thru. That said when you yourself put this out there...people believe you and worry especially when we haven't heard a reply in weeks.

Unfortunately as with many abusive situations and relationships - this one has gone on how many years??? An situation happens that makes them going to leave...then as the time diminishes the harshness of it..excuses are made why it isn't done.

She said the little girl won't be around for long periods of time. She does realize that it only takes a split second for grandpa to lose his cool over something and do something again??

You get a Restraining Order - call the police while you are packing your things to make sure everybody is safe and you leave and go to your daughter's... You said your daughter and SIL seem on board so they can help assist you with your things and with your living situation while you got on your feet. If not there are shelters and resources out there all you need to do is make the call..I want out..I need help and they will tell you to get safe and will assist you also.

At this point in time..all the well wishes and glad you are okay is great..but in reality it is one excuse after another - the classic situtation in any abusive relationship.  I wish her the best..I pray for the safety of her grand daughter as next time who knows what it may be..more than an arm yank. The day he laid his hand on your grand daughter should of been the day GAME OVER..the rest is on you at this point.

I say this for all battered woman who still have that chance to get out..in memory of Nicole Brown Simpson.

[sfnative]

@CouponQueen

I fully understand your frustration and angst with me, having expected me to be out of here and gone some time ago.  Period.

However, and there will most times be a "however," my daughter and I decided to work toward the end of August Inow), when our granddaughter would no longer spend any time at our house, due to my husband's actions.  We needed this to be as smooth a transition for our three and a half year old granddaughter as possible.  She is not aware of any of the dynamics going on here.

Then there is the issue of me needing time to make purchases before I go off on my own, because when I do I'm going to be living like a poor church mouse in a one room apartment.   My annual income will be less than 14k. This is taking time, as I don't want to raise suspicions.

I haven't a valid reason to call the police on him to date.  The abuse has been verbal and psychological.  Additionally, our city's police department is woefully understaffed by at least 200, so all but emergent calls are long waits.

Your reference to my not posting often is valid to an extent.  However, please know that I'm trying my best to retain a positive side of me, while working through this difficult situation.  If I come here every day to air my dirty laundry, I'll get tugged down and down and down psychologically, which I really don't want to do.  I hope you and others can understand that.  Perhaps I should not have posted at all or should simply quit at this point, because the last thing needed is some sort of backlash.  Such is the risk of posting in a public forum.

[Plaid Pants2]

I still say that since the husband has a form of dementia (alcohol induced), he needs to be put in a care home that can deal with patients who have memory loss.

His mental condition is only going to get worse as time goes on, and he can't be left to fend for himself.

And isn't this the same husband who recently got in to an accident while driving?