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08-26-2017 12:08 AM
Hoping you are doing well, as I thought you mentioned some upcoming positive changes to your situation in August.
Don't mean to pry, just letting you know you are in my thoughts and sending good wishes to you.
08-26-2017 12:43 AM
I hope she is well and safe. Looking forward to hearing from her too, I'll keep watching.
08-26-2017 06:58 AM
What a sweet thread, @CAcableGirl2!❤️ The "@ plus nickname" doesn't generate a notification from the subject line, so I'll add her name here to let her know about this thread.
@sfnative, I'm so grateful to see you've been posting. We all were so terribly concerned. You've been in my heart and my prayers, my friend. Please take good care of yourself.❤️ (((hugs)))
08-26-2017 12:43 PM
Thank you all for thinking of me, especially dooBdoo for paging me.
Have not posted much lately if at all, due to back and leg pain while seated and with computer at the ready. Not happy about that. But, had an epidural yesterday. We're hoping that will provide relief. However, my ortho spine doc indicated if it doesn't, then its use as a diagnostic tool will have proved its worth. He's talking about a possible lateral fusion.
My husband's temper just keeps on truckin'on. We were out driving somewhere 2 days ago and suddenly came upon road work where several plates had been placed to cover holes. Because he was going about 45 mph, our car jumped up and down, ramping up my back pain something fierce. I grabbed onto the overhead handle and lurched forward to get my back away from the seat, as this helps, and he starts yelling at me.
The ridiculous thing about this is there was no reason to yell at me - none at all. I looked at him and once again told him, "Stop-yelling-at-me. I'm sick and tired of it."
During the past 6 months, I had kept my daughter aprised of his juvenille actions toward our 3.5 year old granddaughter, which always placed me in a bad light and was at least mildly to moderately abusive to her. Plus, if she did something that he didn't like, he would stare her down until she looked at the floor. Once she looked up, he'd stare her down again. This would go on for 15 minutes, after which time he would "ask" her if she realized that tossing her shoe wasn't a good thing to do. Instead of having a conversation with her at the moment of tossing of the shoe, he gets involved in his power play and even bragged about it to our daughter when we dropped our granddaughter off that evening. That's just one of the less harmful examples. However, having kept my daughter and son-in-law abreast of these outbursts, they have decided that my husband's behavior is not tolerable and I agree. So, we will no longer be able to have her with us for day long stays. We can pick her up from pre-school, etc., but no more longer stays. It took some doing to come up with an excuse that would appease my husband and keep his suspicions down, I can tell you.
And, where am I in the scheme of things? Since I last posted, the physical me has thrown a huge curve. There is a real possibility of having 2 surgeries in the next 18 months, which I cannot do alone. During a left total knee in May of 2014, the surgeon injured 2 major nerves in my left leg and also the insertion of the ITB. This caused my left foot to be numb and paralyzed my toes, plus moderate nerve pain. The ITB insertion issue has increased two-fold in the last 3 months. My sports medicine doc is now inclined to refer me to an ortho doc specializing in revision surgeries (he would removed the left knee implant, attempt to locate the tibial nerve [the bad one], re-anastomose it, do the same to the sural nerve and repair the insertion or clean up the insertion of the ITB, if possible. It's hard to say what's going on until you get in there. The other is the intractable pain at L4-5, due to nerve compression of foramen origin.
Bottom line is that I believe I need to get my body better before I can get the rest of me better, if this is indeed possible. If my physicians tell me, in the end, that I must live with the pain and disability, then so be it. I'll then be moving on to that phase of my life of which we spoke at length earlier. To that end, I'm trying my best to be calm and meditative. However, I am being more forward and reative when it comes to his outbursts, letting him know that he's out of line and to back down.
Thank you so much for caring. Please know that I think of all of you all the time.
08-26-2017 09:56 PM
@sfnative your update is somewhat heartbreaking, but I totally agree with the decision that was reached regarding the little one. For now, I think you should politely assert yourself reminding him that you do not feel well and should not be talked to in that manner.
08-26-2017 10:41 PM
sfnative...I am so sorry for the physical issues you are going through. I had three back surgeries, all failures, sciatica pain in my right leg, continuing back pain and now hip pain from surgery in 2015. I know what it is like to live with severe pain on a daily basis and the the pain medication I am prescribed doesn't do very much in relieving it.
But this post is not about me, it is about you. If you indeed have to have surgeries, living with a person who causes you stress and aggravation will hinder your recovery. After surgery a person requires rest in order to heal. When I had my surgeries if I had been living with my then husband who would beat me whenever he drank I can't imagine what would have happened to me after my surgeries.
Do you have family close to where you live? Is there any way at all possible you can live with a family member until you are well enough to be on your own? Your husband, from everything you have told us here on the boards doesn't have to hit you to hurt you, he just has to look at you or say terrible things to cause you misery and fear. Have you told your doctors about him? I can assure you they would be concerned if they knew about his abuse when they discharge you from the hospital knowing you are going home where you will be mistreated.
Do you really think he will help you when you ask for it? Will he assist you in and out of bed or a chair when you need it? Will he bring you a glass of water so you can take your medication? You won't be walking on your own when you leave the hospital, you will have a walker, will he have the patience to wait for you because you aren't walking fast enough? Will he drive you to your doctor appointments and fold the walker and put in the car or will you have to do it yourself?
You will need tender loving care after surgery. Please, please think very carefully about your decision to stay with him during a very critical time. If he can be so cruel as to stare down a three year old he will have no problem being cruel to you. You know what he is capable of, after all you have been with him a long time.
Please forgive me if I am out of line here, I am going by your posts and what you have said about your husband. I am worried about you even though I don't know you. I was married to an abuser and had the courage to divorce him after four years because I didn't want our daughter and my daughter from my first marriage to live in that kind of environment, nor did I want to die.
If you stay with him I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you have a plan should his behavior be more than you can live with. Hopefully all will go well. Should you have the surgeries the doctors have discussed with you I will pray for success and a speedy recovery. I wish you all the best, you deserve it, you have suffered enough. God Bless you. ((((HUGS))))
08-27-2017 12:24 AM
Please know I totally get and understand what you're telling and sharing with me.
He would not "care" for me post-op in the sense you've mentioned, but he would help and get things done. Nothing is written in stone regarding either of the surgeries to date. However, things should become much clearer in the next 1-2 months. I'm well aware of the failure rate of back surgeries, as I worked in that particular field for some years. Right now I'm living with Level 6 pain and would like to really, really not want to envision the remainder of my life in that condition. We'll see.
If surgery for knee or back comes into the picture, I honestly don't know that I could impose on my daughter and son-in-law. They both have careers which keep them tied up all day for long hours and my daughter also on Saturdays.
The way I figure it is that I've some hard decisions to make as the year closes. I want to say more, but cannot sit any longer. Will be back to you perhaps Monday.
Thanks so much for being here for me.
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