Regular Contributor
Posts: 180
Registered: ‎06-24-2011

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

If you want to keep the house, then wouldn't you be jeopardizing that if you left it? Go to an attorney and explain what you want. Your attorney would likely advise you on important details. At your first hearing, would the following be addressed in court? 1) child support paid by your husband (perhaps automatically deducted from his paycheck?); 2) keeping the home for your children and you if possible; 3) health insurance for your children; 4) responsibility for debt (as in charge cards, car payments, mortgage, etc.) Your attorney would know if your state holds both of you responsible for all debt during the marriage; 5) visitation place and times/days; 6) any extra expenses you might incur for your children (medical, educational, paid daycare, etc.); you and your husband's individual monthly expenses and income; mediation (if applicable); etc. I recently renewed my passport and read that one parent cannot get a passport for a child without the other parent's written permission. On a lighter note, am I watching too much Judge Judy and Teen Mom 2 with all of this info? Lol.

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 80
Registered: ‎10-30-2013

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

Good luck to you @magpie4 and prayers.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,052
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

What is "Americanized"? I believe in order for a marriage to succeed both parties must trust each. Also each party must have their OWN money-no questions asked. As  many have said you need either a counselor or an attorney.

How did it get so late so soon?My goodness how the time has flewn.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,916
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

[ Edited ]

queendiva wrote:

@magpie4: How to know if someone is a "good lawyer"? First, do not rush the process. The choice of attorney will impact the rest of your life. It did for me- in a good way. I went to my county library and asked the reference desk librarian for any and all background info on family law attorneys in my county. After several hours of research I made a list of 3-4 names and interviewed them.  All lawyers are not created equal!  You are paying this person. Remember that YOU are the boss and in charge of your life and your decisions. I chose the person with whom I had the best rapport as they were all very capable. My ex went through several attorneys through the years- all more $$$$ than mine and considerably less effective. Be smart, be patient and be organized. Your lawyer can only be as effective in the process as you are. Also, take a step back and breathe. Take care of your children's mother. 

I contacted my local womens organizations for references - and then I met with each lawyer and intervewed them! I had free consultations with each  -  via the womens organizations. 


If you're with the Dept of Ed in your area, you probably have an employee assistance program. They're confidential- and they would could refer you to lawyers. My EAP referral discounts the lawyers hourly rates as well. 

Super Contributor
Posts: 285
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

I feel so sorry for you, but after reading your letter, then reading a few replies, I hope you don't mind if I throw in my thoughts.  Your life has spiraled down to a point that its just not going to function unless you take charge here.  I was confused about MIL.  You said she moved into a condo, but then talked about her living with you.  Thats not important though.


You need to take some time and write down what you honestly want!  Is your marriage salvageable?  You've stretched yourself to the limit, having 2 children, studying for your Masters, then having the MIL move in!  Is the house too much financially?  Would your marriage improve dramatically if these things were taken care of?  I think so, but thats just my preference.  I had an over-bearing MIL, my husband didn't do much about it either.  My eldest son was influenced by her from a baby, because we lived with her when we first married!  Big mistake!  Do you have a good friend, close family member who will help you?  They don't need to do anything except listen really.  I didnt, because my own mother was counting down the days to when my 2 sisters and I got married!  


I think my start gave me an insight into what you are going through, and I hope it helps you.  I've been married 56 years now, not easy sometimes, but I learned a lot along the way!  Good luck and know that you can do this.



Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,424
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

He has shown you who he is and it is not someone you want to be with forever.  Don't waste your life.  You will look back and wish you had made different decisions but it will be too late.  Just be smart about it.

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