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Contributor
Posts: 32
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Need Advice/ Huge Rant

I don't really know where to start. My husband is from another country (he is Americanized now) when we met I encouraged him to go college. We got married and had a child. He took ten years to finish his bachelors. By then we had another child and after my first was less than a month old I hustled to finish my masters which I did in a year and a half. Since we had the second child we were desperate to have help for the baby my MIL moved into a 2 bedroom coop. She is illiterate in her own language and she is a hoarder of clothes. I find her reprehensible, she barely speaks the language, is always looking for a ride And we were paying her a small amount even though she worked on the weekends. My main problem is that we finally bought a house in August. Since then there has been nothing but friction. I was in the hospital for 5 days and two weeks I finally exploded. He went off on my brother who rents the upstairs. When I was home recuperating she sat everyday on the couch, she has a tv in her room. I was relegated to my bedroom even when I am home sick. She does not pay or contribute to the household. Since that fight I moved my paycheck to a new account. He gives me 100 dollars a week with a nasty comment and questions where the money goes. I have always outearned him and he is on my health insurance. My MIL for example went to my sons Confirmation gave him nothing but ate out with us. She has never picked up a tab or left a tip. She really is a third child.I cant live with someone like her. She doesnt even try to make dinner for us. My husband makes excuses. I hate them both and think divorce is the only way to. BTW I am getting hassled at work and it is all I can do to go on. Feel free to chime in.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,243
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

[ Edited ]

Go for a consultation with an attorney. (without  ANYONE knowing)

Have a separate bank account, and deposit your check there.

Get your ducks in a row, before filing.

 

Now, if you want your marriage to work, see a counselor.

Sounds like you checked out.

I would still have my own bank account.

Good luck!

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 652
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

I would consult an attorney. Sounds to me that you'd be a lot better off without him (and his mother). Your children would most likely be happier without the tension, and they can still see their father regularly. Good luck to you. Enough is enough. That's a good song, too; Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer duet -- "No More Tears (Enough is Enough)" -- you might want to listen to it for inspiration. Smiley Happy

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,321
Registered: ‎11-24-2013

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

The OP *did* open an account in her name only -- smart move.

 

Talk to a lawyer but tell NO ONE. Get your ducks in a row. Get your husband's SS#, salary info, eimployer, etc.  I'd be in a loony bin if I had to live like that. Sounds like you got extra baggage you didn't plan on;. Good luck.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,092
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

[ Edited ]

missy1 wrote:

Go for a consultation with an attorney. (without  ANYONE knowing)

Have a separate bank account, and deposit your check there.

Get your ducks in a row, before filing.

 

Now, if you want your marriage to work, see a counselor.

Sounds like you checked out.

I would still have my own bank account.

Good luck!

 


Have your own bank account plus your own credit cards- clear any cc debt that's in joint names.

 

Meet with  a lawyer- and a counselor  as well!  Talking with both will ease your mind, body and spirit.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,243
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

[ Edited ]

The op said she opened a new account. But then she said he only gives me 100/week?

 

Sounds like he got the American Dream given to him. He got his degree, a house and brought his mom here. (lives there for  free)

 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,966
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

@magpie4  Escellent advice from  @missy1 above. You need to get out of there before you lose it.  Your husband will always side with his mother, so you are doomed if you stay.  Please, please see an attorney, who will help you plan this out before you let anyone there know about it.  You need to look out for yourself and your kids, period.  Once you get free of them, you'll be better able to deal with your problems at work.  I wish the best of luck to you. 

Laura loves cats!
Contributor
Posts: 32
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

Thanks all who responded. That alone is a huge comfort. In regard to her hoarding she just blows him off and makes the crazy sign behind his back.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,445
Registered: ‎05-13-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

"I hate them both."  Good for you for clearly defining the problem.  Now, use that same focus to get a lawyer, now!  

Also, show no weakness at work.  Tell no one about the lawyer.

 

You and your children are prisoners of evil.  Do not take your focus off getting out of this.  There is a better life ahead.

 

Blessings, strong woman.

Contributor
Posts: 32
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Need Advice/ Huge Rant

He makes me give the money in our joint account in our joint account and gives me 100 a week.

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