Re: My friend

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

Ranger Walker says: Life is about choices.

Don't feel sorry for him.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

Here in PA a third DUI has a mandatory prison sentence and loss of license. Depending which state this man is from will determine his penality.

I doubt completing a DUI workshop on the third offense will help him get out of this. I just hope he can get his life straightened out....or that he at the very least stops driving drunk.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@Luvsmyfam wrote:
just found out a close co workers got his 3rd dui over memorial weekend.he has been told,if he goes to rehab,which he plans to do he might get a lighter sentence.even tho he is a 40 yr old man,and should know better,I still feel so sorry for him.he has actually shed tears when telling me this.he has a longtime girlfriend and a 14yr old son.he is buying his home,and just bought a different vehicle.i can only listen to him and certainly not judge.im sorry, maybe this subject has no place for discussion in here

Alcoholics are manipulative and I thank God everyday for having had Alanon to learn tools on how to deal with them.

I had an alcoholic, schizophrenic, abusive adoptive mom and my adoptive dad was also an alcoholic. My adoptive brother has been in a nursing home for about twenty years from an accident he suffered while drunk. I tried everything to help all of them but to no real avail. My brother had dui's but still could not stop drinking. He was in and out of rehabs. Even a stint in jail did not help. My dad had abused him and once put his head through a wall. After that drunken episode my brother was never the same. Back in those days both parents drove us around while they were drunk. Neither received any ramifications.

I married into a family of alcoholics. My FIL and SIL. She is still working as a home health aid in her 70's as she spends $$ like water. Pity the family as she is still a perpetual drunk.

When I hear alcoholics are dealing with a disease like diabetes, it literally revolts me. It's a choice to take a drink when you know you are addicted. I did not choose to have Type 1 diabetes.

The amount of pain alcoholics cause those who love them is immeasurable.

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

@Trinity11 Thank you for sharing this poignant post. You were are an example of my post above and I so appreciate you taking the time to write your story as it might help @Luvsmyfam or many others who either suffer from alcoholism or livingclose friends with one. I am happy you got the support that you needed to deal with the manipulation/pain and live a fulfilling life. It took courage to take the steps you did and I respect you for your decision. Best wishes for a happy life!

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@phoenixbrd wrote:
@Luvsmyfam @Trinity11 It is a challenge to understand the alcoholic when you aren't one. I know that you want to be empathetic and kind. Another alcoholic in AA will support your friend by telling him to get his act together and to stop the "poor me" in very blunt language. Your friend may be at the point where he realizes he needs help, which is a positive in his life. As a friend, supporting him in his recovery is letting him know that acknowledging him taking responsibility for his actions is the best thing that ever happened to him.

Be a fierce friend, let him know he needs AA (or a similar program)....until he stands up and owns that he has a disease that is impacting his life, he won't change. Tears and sympathy unfortunately do not help with alcoholics, in fact this is exactly what he doesn't need. This is an internal job for him to own up and face, no amount of hand holding will help. Only your friend can make this decision and you can support him with this knowledge. Alcoholism is a disease that gets worse over time unless the alcoholic has had enough (and usually has left a legend of "mistakes" because of their drinking). Hopefully he is one of the few that has truly reached his bottom and is willing to do the hard work back to sobriety. Many don't make it and that is why I felt compelled to write this post.

If you truly value this friendship, you might want to check out Alanon (it is free - go online for meeting locations) so you can learn about the alcoholic and how to support him while getting feedback that will help you deal with your friend in a helpful way. Wishing you the best!

Your advice, respectfully, is no longer applicable @phoenixbrd . My brother is in a nursing home from brain damage from an accident. He barely knows me now. My parents are both dead. My FIL too. My SIL is someone who stole from my husband and when we forgave her she went ahead and took advantage of us again. Support doesn't work for some and is like knocking your head on a brick wall expecting a different result...

phoenixbrd · ‎03-27-2010

@Trinity11 No, disrespect taken.....exactly and sorry if I was not clear....the support was not address towards you - only confirmation that @Luvsmyfam might get support for herself in Alanon and a true story experience of the disasters that can occur with active alcoholics that refuse to step up to the plate and take responsibility for their actions. You have already done the work, and might be an inspiration to others.

Trinity, of course you already know this, but for others that are reading this: Alanon focuses on you taking care of yourself, not the alcoholic. The only one that can help the alcoholic is himself...or perhaps another alcoholic in recovery who is willing to "pull the covers" of the active alcoholic.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

@GoldenGate: Think you are a little naive.

Jk9 · ‎07-18-2013

@Luvsmyfam Your friend made his choices and drove while intoxicated (multiple times) and endangered others. If he sits at home and drinks himself into a stupor, that is his choice. When he gets into a motor vehicle and drives is a whole different issue. You can be sure that he was told what happens on his next DUI and he chose to ignore that warning. If you decide to be supportive to him I recommend, as did others, that you get professional advice regarding alcoholism. I have no sympathy for your friend.

If my dog doesn't like you, neither do I.