Re: Married and Alone - Divorcing in your sixties - Page 5

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

You have received much good advice. I am wondering if you have talked to "him" about what your thinking of or if it's even safe for you to do so?

Boundaries (in a marriage especially) are so important. Without them, life would be miserable. I highly suggest getting counseling. I pray God will give you the wisdom and courage to reach out for help for yourself. Heeding the advice of many here could be a fresh start. God Bless you.

Roscoe the Rascal · ‎04-19-2016

First of all you deserve to be happy so you need to do what it takes to get there. You can do it. Remember that you are stronger than you think.

I am 67 and do not consider that old. Lot of life left to live. Better to be happy.

You do have a place you can move to so that is good. Sounds like your husband has many issues of his own but do not allow him to drag you down either.

Make a plan and implement it and do ask your daughter for her help. I'm sure she would rather see you happy.

Lot of support groups and places to find the help you need.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

@White Picket Fence wrote:

YOU are being abused given what you described. Get out before you go out in a body bag.

1. Find a therapist trained in EMDR. It taught me techniques that I still use.

2. Talk to your doctor about depression, anxiety, etc. Medication saved my life.

There is nothing wrong with being single at 60, 70, 80, 90. There is an adjustment but it's not something I consider to be horrible.

I was married a long time and then divorced. I'm so much stronger, independent, and happy alone than I was with him.

I'd rather be happy alone than unhappy with someone.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

I am sorry this is a difficult situation for you...my only advice is to get the ball rolling and have him served after you are out of the house.

How many times have we read that a woman tells her husband she is leaving him and ends up losing her life at the hands of her husband because he is angry. It may sound far fetched but it happens..stay safe.

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

@White Picket Fence

My heart truly goes out to you. I can't speak from personal experience, but reading your post I felt so deeply for you. Please go through with a divorce and make a new life for yourself if you are financially able. I don't know what your financial situation is and it is not my business or anyone else's but if you can, even if you have to cut some corners, please do this for yourself. For your physical, mental and emotional health -- you need to do this. You have given so much of yourself and your life to him. Please do not give the rest of your life to him! I believe it must be harder to do this being older but it is not impossible. I wish you all the best!!!

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

Flopsy · ‎09-14-2010

Just saw your post and immediately had to reply and I will try to keep it short. My mother was married to my father for just over 20 years. She became pregnant with me and married my father. He mentally abused her, gambled, was a thief, troublemaker, etc. He always said he had never struck a woman as if that made up for his actions!

At 63 my mother found out he was seeing another woman (I'm sure there were many before but she never found out). My mother was about to retire with a decent pension. After 2 years of living a separate life under the same roof she finally got rid of him and had a new lease of life.

My point to all this is at 65 she had almost 25 years of happiness, peace and enjoyment before she died. She was a kind person who was brought up in a time when women were viewed different but she had had enough. She went on to see grandchildren and great grandchildren. My father, who was a very intelligent man, ended up alone, no money and really just a wasted his life.

Flopsy · ‎09-14-2010

Sorry I went on too long and I posted before I finished. Please put yourself first now, you deserve happiness and a bright future. If my mother could do it I know you could. I wish you all the luck in the world. X

CAcableGirl2 · ‎06-03-2010

@White Picket Fence I separated after 25+ years and we finally got divorced after we both decided to end it and living completely separate lives for 5 years after that. I was in my early 50's. I think its easier once you mentally "check out" and don't have an emotional tie to your husband any longer. If you have come to that point, then go. I describe it as this......when driving home after work, or after out shopping on the weekend, and saw his car in the driveway, it was "ugh, he's home", I would have preferred for him to be out so I didn't have to deal with him, or try to act friendly. I would rather have been alone. I knew that it was no longer the best way to live.

Basically, if he makes you miserable, then you should leave and make a better life for yourself.

I think the biggest issue that people have is financial and staying because they can't afford to separate. In our case, that wasn't the issue, as we have both worked since we were teens and already had separate (and joint) checking accounts.

It was the best decision and my life now is full of joy and no stress. His is too and he is now involved with someone else, and we get along just fine.

My advice is to look in the mirror and ask yourself, are you better with him, or better without him. If he will resist a divorce, separation, or will intentionally make it difficult for you, then BE PREPARED. See an attorney, get all your paperwork together and do what you need to do. You have the ability and awareness to know what you don't want, so you are stronger then you think, and have a daughter who I am sure will help you through whatever you need.

Ask yourself, do you want to spend the next 10 years like the last 10 years. If no, then do something about it. Good luck to you. Life is short and not promised to anyone.

Katie Holmes is a great example of doing this.

......You look like I need a drink.....

Skyegirl21 · ‎03-20-2010

Do it if you are miserable in your marriage. BUT, def either get a drivers liscense and be prepared to buy a car and pay for insurance( not cheap).

OR, be prepared to live where there is mass transit.
Make sure you understand all the implications of divorce and not having a spouse, ie, financial- No surprises and regret.

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

@Mom2Dogs wrote:
I am sorry this is a difficult situation for you...my only advice is to get the ball rolling and have him served after you are out of the house.

How many times have we read that a woman tells her husband she is leaving him and ends up losing her life at the hands of her husband because he is angry. It may sound far fetched but it happens..stay safe.

You don't move out because the law says that is "desserting" and gives him an advantage!