Re: MOM HAD A FALL SATURDAY

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@Shanus, Hope your mom's doing ok now and you are too.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

My Dad resented it at first. We were regular visitors and had Christmas at the nursing home (most of them have a room for family events) bringing in his favorite foods, etc. We celebrated birthdays. Gave permission for therapy dogs, went to the concerts and cookouts, etc. We eventually had to move him to a different facility afrer new management took over. Things started going down hill, sadly. In the end, he looked at all three of his kids and said, "I have the greatest kids"....did that ever mean a lot to us.

My brother had his hands full with his wife having 3 major surgeries and he had cancer. My sister is divorced and could not afford to quit her job and I was having significant health problems myself. Sometimes there is no other choice.

By the way, once they got Dad on the right medications he ceased to be so cantankerous. His depression got better ( and his aches and pains were controlled and he went back to the pleasant dad that he had always been.

It's very important to choose the higher rated homes. We found that those rated 4 and 5 were much better than the ones rated 2 and 3. Like someone else here said....... there is no right or wrong. Everyone's situation is so different and the parents temperament does make a big difference. Just by the way you are thinking this through, I can tell you care that your mother is properly taken care of and that is what counts.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@Shanus wrote:
@conlt wrote:
These decisions are so hard and I don't think that there is a right or wrong answer. My mother is 92 and fell 3 times since January. The last time she fell in June she broke her back and had to have surgery to have it fixed. I was afraid she would not make it through surgery. She did, spent 5 days in the hospital then went to rehab for 21 days.
I began to look at assisted living facilities and found 1 that we like. There is a waiting list to get in there. In the meantime we have an aide with her during the day and then 1 of us spends the night at her house. We can't prevent her from falling but will be there if she does.
I am so stressed out about the entire thing. We have been taking her to the assisted living activities, bingo, happy hour and lunch so she can get used to it. She likes it over there and I have slowly got her to agree to go. So that is the approach I have taken.
My mother forgets to take her walker and does not use her call device on a regular basis. For me it became a choice between what she wants and what is the best decision for her safety. ultimately, for me because her judgment is so poor, she has to go to assisted living. My mother has some dementia but even as her POA I cannot force her to go to assisted living. It has to be her choice. Bringing her there during the day is working to get her used to the idea.
@conlt So sorry you’re having the similar situation. I’m fortunate that at Mom’s place, there’s a committee of residents, physicians, social workers who will “force” her into assisted living to protect themselves from lawsuits, etc. Of course, they’d prefer the family intervene first.

@Shanus BOLOGNA! Make them do it. That's what they get the big bucks for! Make sure they understand that, ok?

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@jubilant. Mom is in the independent living apartment she moved into 7 yrs. ago w/ my Dad. I think the main reason she doesn’t want to leave is her memories of Dad being there. To me, my memories of him there is pain, hospice, etc. What can I say? When the time comes, for her wellbeing and my son’s & my sanity, she goes to assisted living.

****To any older parents: At 70, I’ve already had this entire discussion with my son & daughter. They know being a burden is not an option. I gave them permission that when I become a danger to myself...assisted living w/o a doubt! I do have long term care insurance, but when I need medical help more than an aide (companion) can provide, they know my wishes.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Sooner wrote:
@Shanus wrote:
@conlt wrote:
These decisions are so hard and I don't think that there is a right or wrong answer. My mother is 92 and fell 3 times since January. The last time she fell in June she broke her back and had to have surgery to have it fixed. I was afraid she would not make it through surgery. She did, spent 5 days in the hospital then went to rehab for 21 days.
I began to look at assisted living facilities and found 1 that we like. There is a waiting list to get in there. In the meantime we have an aide with her during the day and then 1 of us spends the night at her house. We can't prevent her from falling but will be there if she does.
I am so stressed out about the entire thing. We have been taking her to the assisted living activities, bingo, happy hour and lunch so she can get used to it. She likes it over there and I have slowly got her to agree to go. So that is the approach I have taken.
My mother forgets to take her walker and does not use her call device on a regular basis. For me it became a choice between what she wants and what is the best decision for her safety. ultimately, for me because her judgment is so poor, she has to go to assisted living. My mother has some dementia but even as her POA I cannot force her to go to assisted living. It has to be her choice. Bringing her there during the day is working to get her used to the idea.
@conlt So sorry you’re having the similar situation. I’m fortunate that at Mom’s place, there’s a committee of residents, physicians, social workers who will “force” her into assisted living to protect themselves from lawsuits, etc. Of course, they’d prefer the family intervene first.
@Shanus BOLOGNA! Make them do it. That's what they get the big bucks for! Make sure they understand that, ok?