Among Friends

[Black Cat Back]

@qvcaddition 

Forgot to tell you... that friend at work who still has her parents in her life will text me on Thanksgiving to tell me the menu of her Thanksgiving dinner her mommy prepared and then ask me what I'm having.  She knows I'm all alone, never has once invited me to join them, even though I know both her parents.   I once wrote back that I am having Campbell's Soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.   Knowing I'm alone, to tell about her festivities and share the lavish menu... it's just thoughtless.  

Thanksgiving week is the hardest for me.  Thanksgiving was always a special holiday for my family.  My parents would invite anyone they knew of who was alone, divorced, widowed, friends of mine from college who may not have gone home.. neighbors... my parents invited the lonely all the time to join us.  That's how I was brought up.  

So when someone has known for 9 years I've been sitting alone every Thanksgiving and yet shares with me her wonderful meal.. knowing I'm alone... it just amazes me.  I am sure Thanksgiving is a difficult holiday for many people.

[qvcaddition]

I'm glad my post was helpful. Thank you.

First of all, I feel you should stay home, if you can.  You have a perfect excuse.  I would't go shopping, see how you feel Sat or Sun.  Rest, Rest, Rest.

Second, I agree she should not have been making that noise, but sit and listen to you. What a diss.

I don't agree on asking people to invite you to dinner. I would never do that.  If they want you they will invite you. 

I would ask them if you offended them in anyway because you are feeling like they are ignoring you and you don't want to keep it a one sided affair, you value their friendship. You will stop if that is what they want.  Then the ball is in their court and you will have and answer one way or another.  You may be surprised at their answer.  If it's good, then you have your friends back, if it's not the answer you want, then you have to move on.

I hope they just don't realize how they are treating you, but if it were me, I would confront them. 

I will be eating Thanksgiving dinner alone, but will zoom with my sister.  I use to have the holidays like you and invite neighbors that where also alone.  It was a different world back then, but I'm sure there are still good families and people out there that do the same.

Well my house is decorated for fall, and I will make a cornish hen and stuffing and sweet potato, and maybe get a pumpkin pie.  I use to make my own cranberry sauce, so good.  My family would have canned cranberry at the table and eat that and wouldn't even try mine.  They did so much to hurt my feelings.  I would walk home from my daughtes house crying. She lives around the corner and we haven't spoken in 3.5 years.  She gives all the dinners and no one will stick up for me.  It's family, but they don't want to get involved. 

What good will it do for me to get depressed?  No one is thinking of me, so I have to keep myself happy and move on.

One time when we were talking, I asked what time she wanted me over. Her reply was, I'll call you when we are finish opening presents.  I never got one, yet went over with gifts for everyone.  I do not miss going to her house believe me.  I do miss nice family dinnes from the past.  That part of my family are all gone.  So you see, we all have things to cope with, but for me I moved on.  

I don't understand the part about moving into a half way house.

To me she was being unprofessional.

Sometime my sister puts me on speaker phone and does her mix master and I tell her, I don't care if you are dusting, but the noise is bothering me.  We talk so long, I clean house, but do quiet things when we are talking.  Water the yard, Etc, but nothing noisy.  That is rude.  I am of the age where I speak my mind.  People know where they stand with me and sometime they agree and other times, they don't like it. I don't play games.

That other neighbor I call "an earth cookie.  We have a lot of them in CA.  I don't think she is a thinker, but I have helped her so much,  but I feel good when I can help someone.  Some people are selfish.  Like I said before, I get help from people out of the blue.  So it comes back to me, but not from the source I might have helped.  It's OK.  I call it God and some call it the universe.  Depends on your beliefs.

I gave Melanie a bath after her walk today, and she is white and looks so fluffy and beautiful.  I have not been able to take her to the groomer, but she let me cut her nails and bath and clean her ears.  Jan I will take her to the goomer.  I was taking her every 6 weeks, then inflation hit and my groomer went fr,

om 65.00 to 85.00.  Wow.  I have been with her 13 years, so she said she would only charge me 65. this time.

Got some deep cleaning done and my exercise and pretty tired now.  Only two hours of exercise today, so need to do tomorrow what I didn't get done today, my weights.  This is how I stay sane.  Also how I can do so much at my age.

It does help me mentally and physicaly.

Take care and rest tomorrow.  Have a good night and think about what I said about confronting them very nicely. Let them know you value their friendship.  Hugs and love.

I just realized, look into ADT for  a help advice you pay so much a month like I use to have. You don,t had to be a senior.  You wear a necklace or watch and if you fall or can't breath , whatever the situation, you press the button and they send help.  investigate it.  Call ADT.

[Black Cat Back]

@qvcaddition 

Hi.  I felt better today but still took the day off.   I knew my work today in the office was light, so it didn't hurt anything.  Sometimes I think if I take more time off they will realize all i do and appreciate me more.  They dump stuff on me a lot.   Had a horrible boss the first 5 years, she is gone now, but she was a bully and just a weird and unkind person.  I was her punching bag.  I like wearing dresses in the summer because it's so hot here in Scottsdale.   She once asked me if I ever wear pants.   What a weird question to ask an employee.  When I wore pants in November that year the first time, she announced it to the office staff.   I so wanted to tell her "But I'm not wearing underwear," but I refrained.  LOL!

I still felt a bit tired and my arm still hurts, but hopefully the fever and achiness is past.

There is a unit in my complex (I live in a townhome) and a nice couple who live across from that unit and I were talking and they told me the owner fixed it up and will be renting it.  I had initially asked if they knew anybody in the area looking for a good tenant.  I really go out of my way asking people I know... you never know.  They told me to put a note on the door and let the owner know (who lives in the area) of my interest and use their names as references.   I have a lot of neighbors who can be references for me, I've lived here 24 years.  So I'm going to do it.  Now, he may be asking for a rent I can't afford... but maybe there could be some negotiating since I come with good references, I have no kids, I want a long-term lease... we'll see it's worth a shot.. but I have to be careful I don't get too excited.  I'm so used to being disappointed.  But, it was an opportunity I took and we'll see if it amounts to anything.

I also am having a phone conversation tomorrow with a new realtor that a gal at work gave me her name.  Since the other lady dropped the ball on me (I have someone else sending me MLS listings via email but she just wants a sale I think), but it helps to ask more than one.   Although my initial contact with her today she tried to push me to look to buy.  Again, I'm just trying.   Most realtors don't want to assist in rentals.  But maybe I'll find one that cares and will be helpful.

I love how you care so much for Melanie.  I love your special relationship.  She definitely knows she's loved and cared for.  I had a collie growing up.  He was my best friend.  He was so smart and I swear he could read emotions.  I loved him and never forget him.  Moving here to AZ, I had a cat who showed up on the doorstep.  He was a wonderful pet too... had him for 18 years like the collie.  He wasn't like most cats, he was friendly and loved attention.  Don't want to get a pet until I am settled somewhere else.

The stories we have about family and people in our lives are really sad in so many ways.  It's really disconcerting how people can be so thoughtless.  One of my siblings tried to get in touch with me years after my Dad died after she and the other one took me to court.  But I'd cave and start an email relationship again... only to have her bow out and not contact me again for over a year.   I think she just wants to see what I'm up to.  It's not sincere.  It's always news about her.  She's married, retired and her husband has a lot of money and she loves computers, tablets, watches and all kinds of expensive toys.  That is all she would share about her latest gadget.  I decided not to respond anymore. The relationship is too toxic and the memories and hurt that she and the other one did to me I can not forget.  It was devastating to have my siblings come after me for nothing more than money they thought my Dad had left me.  I cared for my parents all those years, they never did nor visited much if ever.  One sibling didn't even come to my Dad's funeral.

Going to try and make some dinner.   I make ravioli by using Won Ton Wrappers from the store.  I put ricotta cheese, cooked spinach and spices inside (I make a triangle ravioli) and boil them.  They are so good with a little marinara sauce over them.   They are easy (not as good maybe as "real" ravioli) and it's a good meal.  I get tired of always having just plain pasta.   I will make a side salad to go along with it.

Hope you had a good day.   Thank you for caring and being so kind and loving.  Give Melanie a hug for me.  Love & hugs!!

[Black Cat Back]

@qvcaddition 

Have to tell you, I will need to work on just telling people what I feel and calling them out.  I don't like confrontation, but I think with some of these people I know, I just need to express what I feel.

I have a this "friend" who constantly says "I'll get back to you later this evening," or "Will check in later." and never does.  He must think I'm stupid or he loves knowing I'm waiting for him to contact me.  He has a big ego.

Again today he did it.  I texted him something I saw in the news and he writes back that he's busy at the moment but will check back before dinner.  Well I'm still waiting.  LOL!   I like to keep my word to people, it's a part of who I am and how I want to be viewed.  Others don't give a darn.  The problem with this friend, if I ever call him out, he takes it as a personal criticism and tries to make me feel guilty expecting him to keep his word.  It's so tangled and ridiculous.  Yet if I fail to respond to a text he sends... then I'm the bad guy.  Grr!    And then there are the ones that never respond. 

I have one person who if I'm on the phone with them and another person is calling and beeping in, she will always say, "Oh so and so is calling, I'll have to get back to you."   I never do that to her.  I let the call go to VM.  I've stopped calling her.  I am tired of not being important enough in her line of contacts.

The world has gone bizarre. 

[qvcaddition]

I'm glad you're day was better.  I have to go tomorrow and argue with comcast.

I spent 2 hour on the phone with diff. Ones first you can,t understand them and it was just horrible.  I have an appointment at 1 .

Your raviolis sounds great.

When I was young, I helped my grandmother make hers from scratch.  She was from Italy.  Made all her pasta.  Gnocchi also.

I have never tasted anything as good as hers in a restaurant.

They didn,t have pasta machines back then.

This is short tonight because i,ve had a stressful day and very tired.  

have a good evening.  Will get back tomorrow after I settle down .

Hugs.

[qvcaddition]

Good Morning and hope you have a good day today.

I am getting ready to go to comcast and it's stressful, but taking son with me. He has worked for them for about 46 years before they were comcast. He explained to me he is not in the billing dept, but he may be able to help me doesn't hurt.

I was exhausted last night, but when I picked up my mail, my sister had sent me a Thanksgiving card with a gift certificate to costco. She did this for Hallaween also, she is so thoughtful.

I wish we could spend the holidays together, but she just had surgery on her knee and can't drive.

I hope, things work out today. I will put up a good fight.

Just wanted to leave you with some quotes  I found, don't know the author on this one.

"The strongest person is the person who is not scared to be alone.

Also this one, "The gift of Goodbye"

when someone is pulling you down, chooses to leave, they are doing you a favor.  Don't look back, keep looking forward.

Don't know that author.  

I have gone through a lot, like you and read many self help books, but the book that has helped me the most is the bible. I carry this one with me, and it helped while I was waiting for an ultrasound on my breast, Isaiah. 41:10.

The bible won't help those that don't believe in it, but I really do. 

Here is one from Maya Angelou.  You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll arise.

confront those friends with love, and you will know where you stand. You can do it in a loving way.  Again, tell them you value their friendship, and need to know how they stand.

Then instead of agony over them, you will have an answer and can move on.  love, and have a good positive day.

I

[Black Cat Back]

@qvcaddition 

I know how you feel.  I have to deal with Cox cable here and they are so awful.  They charge me fees I didn't agree to.  I have a contract but that doesn't seem to matter.   I get on the phone and they can be rude or unprofessional, sometimes they hang up on me.  I don't know how they can conduct business that way.  I swear my blood pressure goes up every time I deal with them.  I'm almost afraid every month to open my bill.  There's always an issue.  I think that industry is so underhanded.

I hope you got some help going there today with your son. You're lucky that he's there with you.   It's so frustrating dealing with businesses like that. Nothing is the same anymore.  And with all the competition the cable companies have out there, you'd think they would be more customer service oriented.

I hope you're feeling better.  I know it is stressful and very disheartening dealing with those people.

Talked to a new RE agent today given to me by a gal I work with.  She was so kind and compassionate.  Spent 45 min on the phone with me.  She kept encouraging me that we have time.  She sounds like someone I can count on to not be all about selling me something.  She gave me a lender's name just to get an idea of what I could afford if I ever wanted to buy... but from what she tells me, in this market, my salary may not be enough to get a loan.  That is so scary.  It's the darn interest rates that are disqualifying a lot of people.  I have an exceptional credit score and have a steady job... been a renter for over 24 years in one place.. surely that accounts for something.   I liked that the real estate lady said she'll ask people she knows if they know of anyone looking for a great tenant.  That was very nice of her.  None of the other relators I've dealt with have gone to that extra mile for me.

I started to cry after we got off the phone.  I don't make enough money and that's just my life right now.  I have to laugh that my siblings legally came after me for money they thought my Dad had left me and not them... yet both of them are retired, living a good life.. I'm struggling... because my Dad didn't have money that he gave me. The greed is beyond my ability to understand.  They live above comfortable lives, yet they came after me for nothing.

I left the note at the property where the neighbors told me to this morning.  I wrote about my stability and interest in hearing about their rental needs.   I mentioned the names of the neighbors he knows, etc.  I noticed he was over there this afternoon.  I walked by but he was on the phone in the garage still doing rennovations.  I am not going to be too pushy.  He got my note... we'll see if I hear anything.  I'm sure he'll be back again and I can stop and introduce myself.  I'm dressed like a slob today... hat, shorts, t-shirt.  I just don't want to seem too pushy since he just got the note today.  Good thing is he got it today... not a week from now.   I did what I had to do... I'll let things fall into place as they are meant to. 

I question a lot myself.   Did I write the note correctly (I am a very good writer), did I say the right thing... I'm my worst critic.  I do the best I can.  I get very discouraged when I do try something and take an opportunity and it doesn't pan out.   Opportunities are so few... I then get worried that nothing will work.

Walking earlier, the heel to my walking shoes came off, the rubber on the bottom.  Don't they make anything that lasts anymore?   Now, I need to go get some gorilla glue or something to see if I can glue it in.  The shoes are not that worn. 

I bet my ravioli meal sounded silly to someone who is Italian.  It is just a quick and easy way for me to enjoy Italian food.   I'm not the greatest cook, but I try.   I don't have the patience to make pasta from scratch.

Sounds amazing though.

Hope your day went better.   I'll check in later.   Just wanted to let you know I know the frustration with the cable people.  It's really disgusting how they treat customers.

Love the quotes you included.   Beautiful words of strength and hope.  Thank you for sharing.

Take care.. Love and Hugs.

[qvcaddition]

Good morning.  I,m glad you found  someone nice that can help you  With finding somewhere too live  and is nice and helpful.

The same with the person you met in the complex.  Things are looking up.

Your raviolis sounded great.  They didn't sound silly .From some of the dinners you told me you make, you sound like a good cook.

I thought my son could help, but he just listened and the guy said nothing could be changed.  We were exchanging my DVR cable box for a new one and the guy said mine was new the latest, yet when I called them tonight, the voice recording said I needed a new one. Mine is over five years old

He also would not take off the 14.00 charge on my next bill.  So I came home with nothing done.

Well it bothered me, so after one hour and three phone calls to Comcast this evening, I got a text message  to get help.  You can't talk to a person on the phone, they have to text you.

I pulled the elderly card, and said I would like to talk to someone.  They wouldn't,t call me,but in texting he gave me a 20.00. Credit on my bill and said he would get the 14.00 DVR charge off.

I appreciate my son taking me there, but I got more accomplished on my own . The kid  we spoke with  in person at the Comcast store was not interested in helping and my son is not a fighter.  I am when I feel something is not right.   In fact at one point, I said to the kid, when I was speaking with him and he was looking the other way, I said,  are you listening to me or is your mind somewhere else?

Another piece of info.  My income is below the fcc.gov legal and if I qualify, I can get 30.00 a month discount on my internet.

I filled out the app. Online and uploading proof of income. If I get this I will keep cable, if not, I will get the streaming  box they have free. And get rid of cable.

So I had an exhausting 2days with comcast.  No one today in the work world, these young kids, know what they are doing. It,s a s##$$  show in this world today.  No one cares. No work ethics.

Now I can settle down and go shopping for food.  I didn,t eat all day until eight this evening.  Didn,t feel like cooking, so had a big fruit salad.  When I have problems, I  don,t take the time to eat, until problem solved.

Melanie is lucky, She comes first. She won,t let me forget to feed her.

Don,t worry about how you wrote the note, i,m sure you did fine.  I know what you are saying, because sometime, I  also question myself.

You did good though in the last days. Positive stuff coming your way.

Thinking  negative has it,s place, but too much and then a person draws negatively into their life.

This RE person sounds very nice and helpful. Glad you found someone nice.

You have a good Sunday.  I,m going to do yard work and maybe go to Costco.  My sister sent me another 50.00 for Thanksgiving.  I told her to stop, but she knows I will be alone and wants me to get something good to eat or gas for the car.  She is very good to me.  I,m lucky to have her.  She is more like a loving daughter, because of our age difference, 33 years.  I use to babysit her. 

Take care.  Keep your spirit up.   I  understand about crying after someone does something good for you.  It,s someone has treated me as a person.

I have done the same.  Hug a and love.  Take care and stay safe.

[Black Cat Back]

@qvcaddition 

I could feel your frustration at the cable company.  They do have an issue with ageism and how older customers are treated.   I experience that all the time.  I've had to raise my voice so many times to be heard. They are rude and I think mgt doesn't care.  All they want is the money.   Some of these kids are just like you wrote  s#$$.   They have no regard for anyone.  I feel that in my office.  There are a few Gen Z (whatever that means, just gives them some kind of legitimacy) people in my dept that have no respect for those of us over a certain age and laugh at our knowledge or lack of tech knowledge.  It makes me sick.

You are blessed to have a good sister and have a good relationship with her.  Cherish that.  I long for that so much.  And even if you can't physically be with her right now, your relationship is precious and you're there for each other.   That is a gift.

I did talk to the RE agent as I mentioned, but the reason I cried after talking to her is because I can't afford to buy a house and it reminds me of how little I earn on my job.  I'm not going to look for another job at this stage in my life with all I'm dealing with.  I can't deal with change in every aspect of my world.   She didn't follow thru as she didn't give me some listings like she said she would.   And the guy with the note, I found out he's a RE agent and that could hamper him responding to my note.  He knows the system and probably won't negotiate anyway.  If he's rennovating the house, he's going to ask a lot for rent to pay for those rennovations.  We'll see, but I can't get my hopes up.  I would think if he got that note and has a potential reliable renter in the wings, which would be less of a headache for him once he lists the place, he'd at least thank me for the note and let me know he'll be in touch.  Ignoring it to me says he doesn't give a darn. 

I'm feeling so low right now.  This holiday week is hard for me and right now, except for you, I feel so alone.  I'm not as strong as you.  I don't know if I can make it.   Life is meaningless without people in your life that care.  And I have no one. To be forgotten and by myself day after day... I just have no strength to handle things.  Please don't judge me as a weak person.  There are days I wish I would be taken and a sick child would live in my place.  That's what I pray for.  In this world of uncaring people, I don't know how I can keep going facing so many things by myself.  I take advantage of opportunities, but more than not, they amount to nothing, so then I stop trying.

I'm sorry I'm so down today.  I feel so alone and so afraid of my future.

Thanks for being there.  I hope  you have  a better day.  I do appreciate all your support and caring.  Love you.

[BoopOMatic]

@Black Cat Back  Hey TennisBuf, please don't feel you're all alone in the world! I am reading this thread and I'm sure lots of others are, too, and are concerned and care about you.

 I would like to encourage you and @qvcaddition  to join the other forum, where there is private messaging - I know she said she tried and couldn't, but it's worth another try.

 All you have to do is google Q forum friends, and it will go right to it.

 No I'm not a moderator over there or anything, I just know how handy and easy it is to keep up with people if you can do private messaging.

 The two of you could exchange phone numbers or whatever. I'm not going to make an actual link, as they removed it before and I don't want to get in trouble, but googling that phrase will take you there.