Among Friends

[Sooner]

@Tinkrbl44 If your parents are 45 when you are born, there are a few things you can pretty well guarantee.  Especially when you have 8 cousins total old enough to be your parents and they don't live where you do. . . 

When your parents are that old, things are simply different for many in that situation family wise.  

[JoyFilled Warrior]

Hi folks 

Reaching out -

Checking in -

Pls feel free to Respond, & Share,

          "What's Happening."

How ya doing?   

[qualitygal]

Make a list, note the places you can go, to reach out to others.  Don't wait on someone else.  Go to church of your choice.  Go to the library.  Join your local Sr. Center, go to a few of those things they offer.  Think of all the places people gather and go and start a conversation if so inclined to meet someone.  Be safe, but ease into it.

It has been said, "you can be lonely in a room full of people".  So watch your thoughts.

[busymom22]

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@busymom22 wrote:

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

I have a friend that is lonely, needy, bored, etc.... and there are plenty of people that care for her.  Unfortunately her constant neediness is driving people away.

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I think this is an issue that comes up with the topic of elderly lonliness.

There's a woman in my church I've known for years. She's 68 and is very needy and all the interactions she has with people is them fulfilling her needs,taking her to dr appointments, talking to her about what she wants to talk about,her ailments, family drama, etc.  For me it's exhausting and frankly I am way too busy with my own elderly parents and other family that I simply don't have the bandwith to spend time with her. It's unfortunate, but no matter what your age or living situation friendships are two-way and if one person dominates the other person will just not be interested in maintaining the relationship. It may leave a person feeling alone and not knowing why.

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@busymom22  @JoyFilled Warrior 

Some of the comments here are a little surprising.

Personally, I don't think some people who feel "lonely" are really lonely.  

They often have people around them ... right?  

I've always felt that many lonely just CRAVE ATTENTION.    You might term it another way.

My sister and I are going through this with our 87 year old father. We live in the same neighborhood, dad lives with sister and family in a large home in his own apartment, we cook for him, do everything for him, he's around us and all his grandkids,goes to a nice church group for senior men, yet it's never enough.  He only cares about getting constant attention and to talk about himself and his family of origin. He complains constantly that he's "alone" yet what he really wants is to be the center of attention at all times. It's all about attitude sometimes.

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[Mom2Dogs]

My friend  (never married) that I have mentioned before thinks getting groceries is an outing and wants others to go along..and she places an order for the groceries, so they are brought to her car.  

Sometimes she runs in and pick up produce...then wants to have lunch.  99.9% of the time I say no to her.  I do wish she would find an outlet for her lonliness....

[Mom2Dogs]

I made a sign for my husband years ago when he was going thru something difficult.

 It read 'attitude is everything, pick a good one'.   I saw it somewhere and thought it applied to the situation at the time.

[JoyFilled Warrior]

Y'know, I'm wondering - *scratching my head*

Could just one distinction in this thread's initial poster above,  possibly reference, for example:

   Feeling "Listened To"  vs  "Feeling Heard"

Is it possible that,

"his/her body is 'putting in the time?'"  

         but,   

"his/her rapt attention to the same person is not?"

(Many marrieds tell me they experience this with their spouse).

Any Feedback, Experience?

[shoekitty]

I think the post is true.  However, for some people they are always lonely. There are so many kinds of loneliness.  Take my Mom.  She had a big career, was always around people.  As she aged to 90, things were different as her companion dies, and her friends,  also, as the friends she had did less and less my mom liked to be busy all day. Til they took her license awayaway, she would stay out all day.  At home she complained she was alone and Lonley. She just didn't do well by herself. She had tons of grands and us kids who visited regularly each week on rotating basis, it was never enough. Some people have a hard time being alone in an empty house. But, even when we got her caretakers to drive her around, it wasn't enough. She was type, who didn't have a lot of solitary hobbies,, she was always busy socializing.  I am a person who enjoys being alone. But I am not alone, lol I do have  A husband here. He is solitary as well, and we are rarely in same room.  But I have found when he has gone on a trip for two weeks, the house got pretty Lonley.  And for my friends that have lost husbands, it is a different ache. Many of them are still active, going to gym, activities and such at 78, but they are constantly remembering the things they did with spouses.  And holidays are especially hard. They don't dwell on it.  It just is a different lonley.  That kind of Lonley I cannot speak of now, and glad I can't. I have met women who have no family, few friends and do okay. And people who have family and are always Lonley. We are all so different. Requiring different socialization patterns and stimulus.  I think It would be so hard to be here alone with no husband here. It is a different quiet and a different loneliness.

[JoyFilled Warrior]

Wanted to toss out a question for hopeful feedback.

?  How do you tell when someone is "listening to you,." versus someone is "hearing you?"

(edited:  grrr   Font correction again)