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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,446
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I do feel they could offer to come over and visit when I'm not doing well--that kind of thing.

 

OP I think it's a little more of ^ this upsetting you.  I'm sorry you are disappointed and hurt.  I would not remind him about Fathers Day, but that's just me.  You have a great husband.

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,118
Registered: ‎05-09-2010

I know every family is different.  In my family, we don't make a big deal about Mother's Day and Father's Day, as well as birthdays.  If our kids say, "Happy ..... day" then we are fine with that.  Sometimes I get flowers from my oldest son, and that is lovely.  We appreciate each other and try to treat each other well every day of the year.  I am not going to get bent out of shape or lose sleep over not getting something on a Government declared or Greeting Card company promoted holiday.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead
Regular Contributor
Posts: 230
Registered: ‎05-28-2015

@FuzzyFace  Slow down and take some deep breaths. Father's Day is still days away and so you have time to take the advice of many here and go ahead and plan something with your family. Or, ask your husband what he would like to do. Maybe he would just prefer a quiet dinner with only you. I also feel your anger has more to do with being upset about your and your sister's health issues and feeling neglected that your son hasn't been concerned or attentive enough to you. Yes, your husband has been so helpful to you and your sister, but the thanks and praise for that most likely should come from you and your sister, not your son. Life is difficult enough without trying to "catch" a loved one being neglectful. Talk to your son with kindness and set a good example. Do what you can to improve the communication in the family. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,633
Registered: ‎09-22-2017

Just wondering @FuzzyFace does your son remember his father's and your

birthday on time? 

 

I hope so. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,275
Registered: ‎07-02-2015

Re: I'm concerned...

[ Edited ]

I haven't read all the posts, but I can share my perspective on the issue of dealing with our grown adult  kids and their wives and their kids when they are extremely busy in their jobs, dealing with their own little families and then trying to appease the grandparents, especially when one or both set of grandparents live in the same town.

 

We older ones can't expect our offspring to devote the most busy years of their lives to catering to us.  They've got a lot of stuff to do, and I'm proud of what my own offspring do, even if I don't always get to witness it.

 

I can recall when my DH's entire group of relatives descended on our home when I was  employed full-time AND pregnant with our second child.  I had DH's father, stepmother, aunt and uncle,  sister, brother-in-law and three nephews all staying in our house and expecting cooked meals all day long.

 

I recall sitting exhausted on our back porch steps after we bid our final farewell to them in the driveway and they drove away.

 

What in the world was I thinking to even allow this to happen?  Always trying to be an overachiever and expecting gratitude or attention for it can sometimes be a losing battle.

 

I didn't want attention or gratitude.  I just wanted some rest!

 

And  these days, I don't expect my own grown kids to give up so much of their time, travel time and energy to entertaining  or spending time with us as often as we might like for them to. A phone call from each of them on special days sometimes has to be enough.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,612
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: I'm concerned...

[ Edited ]

I, too, believe these manufactured holidays that make everyone so many people feel pressure to perform are the cause of a lot of unneeded and unnecessary stress.  

 

It matters most how the relationships are during the whole year, not how they are on one specific day.

 

 

Love to be home . . . thus the screen name. Joined 2003.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,945
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Make a simple phone call and go from there.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,030
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Agree with posters who think manufactured holidays aren't magical days. The most important thing is that loved ones connect. Having independent grown children encouraged me to begin a tradition: Give those specific manufactured holidays to my children to plan with their partners. Husband and I plan something special together on those days. Then, we create alternate days, convenient for our children/their families, to gather and connect. We do this with every holiday. Especially works for my daughter-in-law whose parents live in town and she's an only child. Besides catching more flies with honey - this takes the pressure off of family fussing over those pesky manufactured holidays. 

 

This Friday we're celebrating Parent's Day (one gathering in place of both Mother & Father Days), grilling on the patio with our children and grandchildren. That's how we solve  problems surrounding those pesky, manufactured holidays.   

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,612
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

I love the way you think, @jeanlake!

You've created a wonderful option.

Love to be home . . . thus the screen name. Joined 2003.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,115
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

Your his mom. Call your son and tell him that his father has had a difficult year and he’s been great about handling it. Tell your so that you just wanted to remind him about Father’s Day. Tell him you know you’re probably worried for nothing, or your son might think you don’t give him enough credit. Mention that you’d also be grateful for any help he can give you and your husband. Remain calm, be sweet and call. Don’t forget to send your don something for father’s Father’s Day too.