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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,253
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

...and I'm not quite sure what to do.

 

What I'm concerned about is that Fathers Day is just 6 days away and so far ourson--grown, married, and a father himself--hasn't said a word to his own father about it. Not a word. And I know, from unhappy experience, this means he hasn't thought about it, considered it, etc.

 

First of all, I don't know whether I should say something at all right now; it possible that it's just slipped his mind. Should I remind him? That's not really my job but ****** it, my husband has been the best father in the world to him, plus DH has been through a lot, medically and emotionally, lately--no need to give details; I think you get the idea.

 

I don't want to remind him but dammit my first concern is my husband. I would be furious at our son if he just plain forgets so I'm inclined to remind him despite my reluctance to remind him. (And if anfyone's going to remind him, it should be his wife, not his mother.)

 

If he DOES "forget" or neglects his father in any way, I would probably give him the ass-chewing of his life. Normally I would try not to interfere or get too het up, but I feel too strongly about this for just a mild chiding. DH has been a free babysitter, has changed his schedule completely to accomodate son not just for babysitting but for other things too.

 

In addition to that, he's had two sick/injured women on his hands (myself and my sister) to take care of for the last year, when sis got cancer and I was diagnosed with hepatitis. In addition I'm taking medication that makes me unsafe to drive. etc etc. so he has to run the both of us to medical appointments and starting next week, for physical therapy on the knee I nearly broke at the end of April. He'd do this for our son and/or daughter-in-law and especially our granddaughter. He hasn't been asked to do this--yet--but they know he'd drop everything for them if they needed it.

 

And what really riles me up is that I feel that there's some ingratitude going on. It's not blatant but I do feel they could offer to come over and visit when I'm not doing well--that kind of thing.

 

So, what would you do? My main concern is my husband. After all he's done for them, I would think he (my son) would call him once in a while, or drop by, etc. I really don't care if giving my son a rude awakening upsets him--what I don't want is for my husband to fell forgotten, angry, upset, etc.

 

 

Super Contributor
Posts: 416
Registered: ‎02-16-2014

Say something so that you can help your son be the best son ever, a great gift from you to two fathers.  Sometimes we have to be the ones that make someone else perform well.  Hope things get better for you soon!  Sounds like you have a great husband.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,483
Registered: ‎10-19-2011

Re: I'm concerned...

[ Edited ]

 

-Do Not Copy Pls-
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,253
Registered: ‎03-15-2010

@persiflage wrote:

Say something so that you can help your son be the best son ever, a great gift from you to two fathers.  Sometimes we have to be the ones that make someone else perform well.  Hope things get better for you soon!  Sounds like you have a great husband.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

persiflage, what a lovely post! I never thought of it from that angle. And I do have what is probably in the top ten of all-time best husbands!


 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,251
Registered: ‎02-09-2016

Being a parent of children of any age can be heart breaking, I am in and out of pain of being a Mother. I was also a really hands on Mother but I have make an appointment to even get to talk to them, It hurts terribly, you are not alone. When you get adults kids let me know. Happy Fathers Day from Me.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,251
Registered: ‎02-09-2016

I pray that was the last time all of you forgot !!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 630
Registered: ‎06-03-2018

Why not contact him and ask if you all could do something  special that day? Celebrate both of the Fathers and make it a day for both of them. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,041
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I'm concerned...

[ Edited ]

 

@FuzzyFace

 

I had no father, but my mother managed to raise myself and my 3 older sisters without any help from anyone. She died in 1969. 1969 said: I am not a believer in any 1 particular day, used to recognize a parent or a spouse. 

 

My belief is how one treats those special people in their lives, the other 364 days of the year. Recognizing 1 special day only, for the most important people in one's life, certainly tells me all I need to know about that person, and it is not a positive thing.

 

 

 

hckynut(john)

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,466
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

What would I do & what have I done in the past is to say something..."So what do you plan on doing for dad for Father's day?  Would you like to take him out, come here for a cook out or should we come to your house?"

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,053
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

 

 My sons have not mentioned Father's Day to their dad nor will they until, probably Saturday or Sunday.  I have never reminded them.  Sometimes they come, sometimes they don't.  Sometimes they send gifts, other times they dont, but they always call, even when in college, so it has to be your son's decision.  You cannot manage his life after he is married or you may become an adversary of either him or his wife, or both.