Among Friends

[Luvsmyfam]

as you can guess,I wear my heart on my sleeve.my story goes like this:I've had a younger male friend for yrs.we have never been on a date,but he sometimes come to my home.he has fixed things for me,offered sometimes good advice, and just pretty easy to talk to.i now want more from this relationship.we discussed this today at my house.he could not give me a direct answer.so I take it,he's not interested.i am crushed and wondering if I should just cut him off completely. Please,woman to woman,I need advice.get rid of his number?not answer anymore of his txts?texts? Has always sent me mixed messages.i hope this subject is appropriate in here

[BoopOMatic]

I would cut him off completely, block him on all platforms, and move on with my life. You can do better. Don't settle for crumbs. He isn't wanting a relationship, don't waste any more time. JMO

[stevieb]

I guess I wouldn't define this as a breakup. It sounds like the two of you have been more or less casual friends. You've decided you want to take it up a notch and he's either not sure he wants to or isn't interested. Frankly, it sounds to me as though you took him by surprise. You can toss his number and stop responding to communications or you can wait and see what develops. If it's clear all he wants is a friend then you can decide whether or not having him as a friend is worthwhile. Not all friendships are destined to go to the next level. 

[FancyPhillyshopper]

Well, since you were never really together it is not a break-up.  After  many years as friends your feelings may have come as a great shock to him.

Is the friendship important enough that you would allow it to continue as is?

You may feel a bit embarrassed because you are discussing potentially changing the friendship, but you also need to give him time to ponder over the request and hear his perspective.

Sometimes relationships take time to geminate. Other times people are just better as platonic friends if the romantic spark was not there from the beginning.  Do you know if he has had girlfriends in the time you have known him?

I am not clear what "mixed messages" means if you have never been on a date and have been friends for years.  Maybe he just feels like he is being a fun and flirty friend.

In any case, you should consider being out more in the dating pool and meeting many new people.    If you do not want to do online match-ups, perhaps you could consider getting involved in some activities that have a lot of men who participate, so you can broaden your dating pool. Life is too short to just stop or give up.

[manny2]

@Luvsmyfam " He wouldn't give a direct answer" that speaks volumes. You do deserve better. You make the decision, and move on. Don't wait around for him to do it. 

[GenXmuse]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but if he prefers to keep things on a platonic level and you enjoy his friendship then you'll have to decide if your heart will be able to continue the friendship without any hard feelings.

I'm not sure about what mixed messages you've been receiving but if you think he's been misleading you intentionally, it's probably better to just let go. 

[Luvsmyfam]

Yes,you could say,this has been a flirty situation ,but sometimes sexual txts.when you are alone,and someone takes noticed,I perk up.i don't think I'm ugly,I don't think I'm gorgeous.im wanting companionship like most single women.if this conversation makes all of you,I understand and I will quit replying back

[Luvsmyfam]

@manny,you r absolutely right

[manny2]

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@Luvsmyfam wrote:
Yes,you could say,this has been a flirty situation ,but sometimes sexual txts.when you are alone,and someone takes noticed,I perk up.i don't think I'm ugly,I don't think I'm gorgeous.im wanting companionship like most single women.if this conversation makes all of you,I understand and I will quit replying back

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@LuvsmyfamOK, so if this is the case it sounds like he wants a "friends with benefits" kind of relationship. Flirting, sexual text messages sounds like he wants the benefits without the commitment. 

You said you want companionship. You will not be getting that here unless you are in the bedroom. Don't get involved in this thinking he is going to change. He won't. 

[manny2]

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@Luvsmyfam wrote:
@manny,you r absolutely right

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I give you credit for putting yourself out there, and telling him what you want. Now you know and can move on. There is somebody out there for you. Don't ever settle!