Among Friends

[Isobel Archer]

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@wagirl wrote:

@Isobel Archer ---Can I ask why you are being kind of nasty??? First --I was speaking about my EX-- not my son-- regarding the sink incident!!! You need to read the post!!! And seriously--how dare you insult my son!!!  Move on and spread your nastiness elsewhere--

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I did read the post - not sure you did.

The nastiness started with your calling your ex stupid for getting you jewelry.  I observed that your son probably leaned from that experience that attempting to get you something most would consider nice could result in insults and returns.  So  he asks.  And you tell him you want nothing.  As I said, interesting gifting dynamics.

[JoyFilled Warrior]

@wagirl  :wwomanhappy

For me, sharing a person's "Personhood is a gift only they, themselves, could give me, (qualifier:  depending on the particular relationship).

And maybe the "Giver" will enjoy being asked to give such an personal, individually unique requested gift as well. 

    Some givers might also receive this kind of gift request as quite the compliment to the giver themselves.

(But now, what sort of activity.  Ya might want to have several wonderful something's in mind, ahead of time, that both might enjoy.)

Good luck!  Enjoy!

[wagirl]

@Isobel Archer ---fortunately for my kids, at that time, they were very small, and didn't realize that my STUPID ex, didn't give a whit about them and their wants either--not that this is any of your business-- family dynamics are amazing now  that STUPID ex is out of the picture. You don't know what you don't know!! 

[Isobel Archer]

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@wagirl wrote:

@Isobel Archer ---fortunately for my kids, at that time, they were very small, and didn't realize that my STUPID ex, didn't give a whit about them and their wants either--not that this is any of your business-- family dynamics are amazing now  that STUPID ex is out of the picture. You don't know what you don't know!! 

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Well I know about hearing your father denounced as stupid.  And being told that he doesn't care about you.  So there's that.

[RetRN]

 I would have said, "Whatever you gift me will be loved and appreciated."

Just because you don't need anything is not a reason to not give a pleasant response.

[wagirl]

@Isobel Archer ---OMG---you are certainly writing your own twist to this---must have hit close to home.

[RetRN]

@wagirl, how long did you stay married to him? I believe it was your choice to stay with him for many years. Badmouthing him now seems senseless since it was your choice to stay with him so long.

[ALRATIBA]

My answer:  a gift certificate to my favorite yarn shop.

[qualitygal]

This year, if my son asked me that, I'd reply that I'd love for him to go with me to a Christmas Eve church service.  I'd love that.

[Isobel Archer]

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@wagirl wrote:

@Isobel Archer ---OMG---you are certainly writing your own twist to this---must have hit close to home.

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Just observing that your reaction to your ex's buying you jewelry as opposed to fixing the sink - and going into a rant capitalizing stupid (more than once)  to describe him for doing this seems over the top.  And that surely your children (even if little) would have learned something from this - not to mention from your assertion (and clear belief) that he "never cared a whit about them."

It seems clear that if you don't get a gift to your liking, you get very upset.  No wonder your son asked for guidance.

Also interesting that you didn't answer my question about how you gift others.  You said you'd rather give than receive, but do you assume you know what others might want (as your unfotunate ex did) or do you ask - and if you get the "nothing" reply you, yourself gave your son, what do you do then?