Among Friends

[ThinkingOutLoud]

To me, this situation depends on how well you know the bride and she you. If it was a courtesy invite because of her grandparents/your friends, that's one thing but if you and she have had interactions, that's another. 

If the latter, your attendance will mean more to her long-term than your personal short-term 'don't feel like it' feelings because this isn't about you. 

4 hours is not an entire weekend. Depending on the timing of things:

- drive down at noon for a 4pm ceremony, stay for the dinner/reception, spend the night, drive back the next morning, home by noon
- drive down after dinner, spend the night, noon ceremony, stay for part of the celebration, drive home in time for dinner

Just over a year ago, I made a 2 hour drive (each way) to a wedding and celebration - left in the morning, was home in time to go to bed. A full day but it didn't take the entire weekend. It can be done. 

Maybe look at your attendance as part of the gift.

[Iwantcoffee]

Just RSVP no.

It's not necessary to give a reason. I would rather be told "no" than somebody make up an excuse.

[Estellee]

Thank you for the invitation but we are not able to attend. Maybe send a gift because you were friends with her grandparents.

[Pecky]

I am guilty of feeling like I have to give a reason why I can't attend something.  

[occasionalrain]

A save the date card is not an invitation. Not everyone who receives  a save the date will get an actual invitation. No reply is necessary.

[AuntG]

They are only looking for a head count on the RSVP,  so I'd simply decline. However, I'd send a check/gift mentioning your friendship with the grandparents. In no way should they be upset - that's why RSVP's are sent.

[Sooner]

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@Pecky wrote:

I am guilty of feeling like I have to give a reason why I can't attend something.  

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@Pecky You do NOT have to feel guilty in any way.  Unless you are the mother of the bride.  Maybe then. . . 

Just say you won't be attending, be kind and reply asap.  Trust me people won't care and won't give it a thought.  If they do their bad not yours!  

[VanSleepy]

When you get the actual invitation with RSVP card,  it's a yes or no question.  No explanation necessary.  When you send the gift, write your note in the wedding card. I wouldn't worry about it; it doesn't sound like you are very close to this bride. 

[beckyb1012]

You should get the official invite when it gets closer to the wedding with the RSVP to be checked, then send it back to the couple.  No explanation will be needed and send the gift to the couple as you desire to do. 

[lgfan]

I would also RSVP not able to attend.  No further explanation is needed.