Among Friends

[BriggsiePeawiggle]

My 99-year old mother-in-law passed about 2 weeks ago. We have sold her house, and we are working hard on getting it cleared out. She was an extremely clean and neat housekeeper until she got older, but she never let ONE THING go.....nothing. I found my 65 year old husband's school tablets where he learned how to read and count and write from 1st grade through high school. She saved them all. I found a letter from her sister on Thanksgiving 1949. And as she got older and more frail, she started jamming things in bag after bag after bag....on bookshelves, on desktops. I think I filled about 30 bags full of just paper stuff that was meaningless. I pulled out a couple of touching things....like the letter from her sister. Sister's children are still alive, so I will send it to her son. I also found a telegram announcing the birth of his older sister, so I will send her that. 

Being as she died at 99 and my father-in-law passed last year at 102, there were LOTS of family who passed before them. I found box after box of really pretty crucifixes -- the kind the prop in the lid of a casket for viewing. I decided that since some very Catholic people bought the house (and we are not at all), that I will just leave all the crucifixes on a table that they can place wherever they would like around the house. They told us to leave anything we wanted, but we will not leave any junk behind or any closets to clean out or anything like that. It will be clean and neat, but I'll leave them a few things I think they will like. They were really dear friends of my inlaws. 

Since I am still in the fairly early recovery of my second hip replacement within 5 months of the first one, I'm not worth much except sitting and sorting papers and tossing stuff into garbage bags. A couple who are dear friends came up with us today and spent the day cataloging all the donation materials. We are all going back up on Monday to start in again, but I think we can finish it on Monday. Whew......WHAT A JOB!  I guess most people don't realize what they are leaving behind for their loved ones to clean up  -- the types who save everything. I am more of a tosser. My husband (of course he is) is usually a saver. He's handling all of this really well though. I keep telling him -- just take a few meaningful things, but our house is full NOW!  

This has been really hard.

Briggsie

[StylishLady]

My heart goes out to you and others who have to tackle this chore. It was very difficult cleaning out my own Mother's apartment after she passed on. You have to know most of us can empathize with this.

[DiAnne]

I had an uncle die about three years ago.  He lived in a three bedroom, 2 bath and den apartment (so basically a small house).  He had never had any children so I ended up cleaning out his apartment as I was the only one living in the same state.  It looked almost like an episode of hoarders.  Bank statements from years ago, cancelled checks from in the 1970's.  It was a nightmare. I tried to give his expensive furniture to a charity that does transitional housing and they had no place to store it and suggested I contact a church that also does transitional housing.  The church wanted it but wanted me to hire a moving van and have it delivered.  It went to the Salvation Army.  I donated his car.  Payed off his credit card and was done.  

My Favorite Breed is Adopted

[January121]

Good luck ..... I know exactly what you are going through!!

[Q4u]

Bless your heart!  Yes, I know and it's very hard.  I'm an only child with no living relatives left and both my parents passed within 11 months of each other when I was 45. Although my Mom didn't keep a lot of stuff around, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I donated pretty much everything we didn't keep because I just couldn't handle having anyone poke through her (and my Dad's) stuff.  And I was really the only one that could go through the house, my DH and my sons didn't know what had meaning to me and what didn't....     

Take care, you'll look back on this time and wonder how on earth you got through it.... but you will, with the courage and strength you need.....

[Sooner]

I have done it four times, and one house took FOUR years to clean out.  The last one, we called an estate sale company, took what we wanted (VERY little) and walked away.  I would never clean out another house again.  It is a horrible thing to have to do.  Especially one like you are describing, which was our "four year" one.

Heaven help you.

[hopi]

Taking care of someone in death is very difficult especially since we all have our own burdens and crosses to bear. Know you are just venting but God is probably smiling on how well you and your husband have handled everything.

[Leeny]

Boy I feel for you. I've been there too when we cleaned out my mother's apartment when she went to the nursing home. Since then I've tried to keep from hanging onto things as I don't want to leave a huge mess for my kids. Like others' have said,, you will get through this. Someday you will look back and wonder how you did it?

[butterfly123]

When my DH's grandmother passed away she also had a lot of stuff to go through and yes it was exhausting.

On the other hand I understood why she kept every thing she did because 90 some years ago the world was a very different place. 

People were going through different hardships at that time and were raised differently. 

I'm sorry for what you are going through. 

[Azcowgirl]

My Dear Daddy kept everything  and he was blind for the last few years . I lived three states away and couldn't get to the house for a few years after he passed away, so it sat vacant just as he left it. It was so spider webby when we got there for the first time, I made DH walk in front of me with a broom ( shudder) no exaggeration ): Even the closets had webs strung from the clothing to walls etc. Gives me the Willies even now to think about it.  

We finally got it cleaned out but what a job ! I can sure sympathize with what you are going through.