Among Friends

[Libbylady]

I don't know where the person lives, but consider that the ground may not be dry or thawed far enough for installing a stone.  Perhaps if they are waiting for engraving on a standing stone, the winter weather has been an obstacle.

Why is this your issue?

[bikerbabe]

If her death was unexpected, the family may still be struggling to come to terms with her death, which would explain the unvisited gravesite and the missing headstone.

[fourpaws56]

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@Libbyladywrote:

I don't know where the person lives, but consider that the ground may not be dry or thawed far enough for installing a stone.  Perhaps if they are waiting for engraving on a standing stone, the winter weather has been an obstacle.

Why is this your issue?

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not my issue...my concern...we are in California....I understand about waiting for the right time to place the stone, but don't understand why all the old flowers still there, I am talking lots,urns, baskets, wreaths...it just looked so sad

[mustang66lady]

@fourpaws56

I think you have gotten some sound advice.   My parents are buried in a small public cemetery.  The keepers there clean off the graves after the burial and once a year in March, to remove grave blankets, etc.   Otherwise, it is up to the family to remove old flowers, trinkets, etc.   The cemetery staff to remove the burial flowers after a few days, too.  They do the trimming and mowing and when I noticed my Dad's grave sinking, I notified them and they place additional dirt on the grave.   Sinking happens as the year passes and weather helps to settle fresh dirt.  This should not be an ongoing problem.  Headstones are placed when the weather permits.   My parents had their headstone picked out before they passed and it was engraved with their names and dates of birth, placed on the plots, until they passed.  When weather permitted, the stones were engraved with the date of their passing.  Weather effects the tombstones so can only be done in certain months in our area.   If the family has not purchased a headstone, then none will be placed.  If they have, perhaps it is the weather that is slowing down the process.  I know this is upsetting but better to do it right than to have to do it over.   It might be easier to get some answers if you speak to whomever is the cemetery custodian.  Please have peace when you visit the gravesite.  Maintaining a cemetery is an ongoing, thankless job.  It is hard work and depressing work.  You are a saint to clean the grave.  It probably was a very difficult thing for the family to do and if the cemetery is behind on their work, or neglectful, you did your friend a great honor.  

[BeccaLou]

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@fourpaws56wrote:

A dear friend passed away last September. I went to her grave site today and was upset that all the flowers from her service were still on her grave, as well as a large mound of dirt and no headstone. She is buried next to her husband and his grave is beautiful,a very large headstone as well. The family lives in the same town, I can't understand how they could neglet her grave...thoughts?

I did remove all the old flowers today and I will go back tomorrow and clean it up and place fresh flowers..

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Maybe depression set in on them, and they haven't returned . I usually never can bring myself to return to visit the grave.

[sann]

My parents and grandparents are buried in a small town cemetery, and the only service provided is someone mows during the summer months. Family is responsible for all other upkeep.

[TX-starlight]

I live in a small town & visit my cemetery very often. I believe our cemetery caretakers remove the "funeral flowers", then smooth the dirt & fill as necessary. 

As far as the headstone, who knows. There is a lady who lives down the street from me (well in to her 80's). Her husband died several yrs ago. Still no headstone. She had a "gentleman friend" shortly after her husband died. I thought maybe that was why she neglected her husbands grave. Now the "boyfriend" has also passed away, & is buried next to his late wife. This lady's son (died young) also died last yr, & his wife immediately put a headstone right next to his dad's grave (funeral home metal marker still there). I thought she would get a joint headstone at that time...still no stone. She only has 1 daughter now, so I'm surprised she has not purchased THEIR headstone. This is what most elderly people are doing now. There is no object of cost, so I am still baffled, lol. 

[ID2]

I know that in my neck of the woods their aren't any burials until the ground thaws. (yep, allllll winter!) I'm sure the headstone will be put in once the warmer weather occurs.

[jlkz]

@Carmie

 Not all cemeteries operate the same way as a dear friend recently found out.  She planted the grass and had containers of water in her car.....there was no water access nearby.  

When I heard this, I called DH’s friend who was an executive with the parent company.  The cemetery was operating correctly.  Not in my book...I will find one that is more responsive to clients’ needs ( at least until it is bought by another company ! ).

[jubilant]

My father was buried last July. My mother and I took the dead flowers off the grave.  Someone put a shepherds hook and flowers and when those died,  we replaced them with artificial flowers until we get the stone in.  The stone is still not in.

 Here in Indiana it has been cold and wet.  They don't like to set the stones under 45 degrees temperatures or when it is extremely wet weather.

My mom and dad would have been married 70 yrs. April 10th.  Dad wanted to live until then but it didn't work out.  I am calling the monument place today to see if I can at least take mom there to see "their" stone.  She would like to see it before she dies. 

She is 89 and in fairly good health but we have seen her decline since Dad died. 

The problem is .......the man that sets the stones and does the cement work quit his job and left the monument company high and dry with 30 people on the wait list.  They got another man but he charges more.  We paid for everything in full the day we ordered the stone.  They want $250. more which we didn't think they should ask for since our bill was paid in full the day we ordered the stone.  We went ahead and told them we would pay it.  While we think they should have "bit off" the extra....we wanted to be sure it got in as soon as possible for mom.

We are hoping so much that they can have it in by April 10th.  Mom isn't pressuring us one bit but, for her sake, I sure hope it gets done.