Among Friends

[Maudelynn]

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@scatcat wrote:

Hello - I am the OP back from our weekend away.  Thank you to everyone who responded.  I have read all your posts and appreciate the feedback and the food for thought.  Someone metioned being honest about why we would do it.  it would be for the same reason why we foster shelter animals - there is a huge need for it and we have the ability to do it.  And just like the foster animals, we would not be looking to keep the foster children. We are very clear that fostering is not adopting.

We are very aware that EVERY child comes with issues.  They are not in foster care b/c their home life was delightful.

We are not doing it for a check.  I'm not going to go into our finances, but let"s just say we do not need the check and can support other children.

From your posts, I am more clear on the older children who come with the psychological, sectual*. abusive issues. Stealing, resenting, acting out.  These are real issues.

Again, the process in our area is at least 4 if not 6 months.  We are just getting started with it and i sincerely appreciate all your time responding.

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Please know that young children have often been sectually abused as well.  They may act out in other ways- bed wetting, playing with feces, being hyper sectual with other young children. As the mom of social workers, my heart is broken by the horrid ways children are treated, oftentimes they are never able to recover, growing into damaged adults. Bless you for even considering such a tough job.

[wildcat fan]

Foster parents are needed in our area. However, I would be very hesitant to sign up based on my experiences in the local public schools.  IMO they really could use people who have a good heart with good intentions.  The few foster parents I've met seem to be doing it for one reason: extra income. The kids were a handful to manage at school, and it sounded like they were even more difficult in the foster home.  Anyone who would think about doing this would need lots and lots of patience, and based on what I saw, be prepared to deal with tantrums and lashing out at you even though you're just trying to help. I worked with middle and high school aged students placed in foster homes. All understandably dealt with anger issues.  Sad and difficult situations.  

[KateE]

My sister was a foster parent to three children from the same family. She and her husband decided that she wanted to adopt these children.  It was a rough process, long and drawn out. But after several months they became part of her family. What the courts neglect to tell her was the downside and what these children had been through. They were abused in other foster homes and the effects on the children were awful, not just for the kids but for my sister as well. One child was raped, one was affected as the birth mother did drugs during her pregnancy with that child and the other had major depression, yes, my sister and her husband went through a lot of anguish trying to undo what had been done to these kids, now almost fifteen years later and after a lot of therapy and tears they are doing very well. Fostering is not for everyone as the courts don't disclose important details that can help the foster or adopting parent, their main concern is getting these kids adopted and that is all well and good, but it gives the foster/adoptee a disadvantage to what happened to these kids and how to proceed. Most of my sister's kids issues didn't come out until after they were adopted. No one could have prepared her for severe traumas these children suffered. The courts left her unprepared and only told her what they wanted her to hear and failed to tell her the truth. Even certain court documents could not be opened for years which would have told an important story that would have helped her and her children moving forward.