Among Friends

[Zoe]

@house_cat 

Great suggestions so far on limiting the stay and being honest.

But are your "friends" truly expecting you to foot the bill for their stay? You mention "having to fund expensive sightseeing adventures." Are they really not chipping in / covering their own costs?! Think you could right-size these sightseeing expenses as well with something like: "Thought you might be interested in going to the {attraction}. I see that senior tickets are $$. Does that fit in your budget?" It lets them know that the choice to go or not is theirs but also that you aren't paying (if you aren't ducking out entirely).

As for groceries, I would just offer, "We can go to the grocery store once you get here to make sure you can get whatever you might need." You really shouldn't be asked to double or triple your grocery budget for one-third of a month (a 10-day stay really is "overstaying one's welcome" imo).

If you are offering them a place to sleep, that is already saving them $$$$. They need to realize that and not add a financial burden to you as well just so that they can vacation.

[spumoni99]

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@ECBG wrote:

@house_cat This sounds exactly like my step mother's brother.

He was a retired army colonel, wife retired RN.  

They bought a travel home, traveled and lived off of everyone and never offered to take their hosts out to dinner or buy a bag of groceries.  They also enjoyed a full bar.

They ended up here one Christmas.  RN asked me if they could bring anything and I said a fruit bowl.  She said it was too expensive. The couple's daughter and 3

children were coming too since they lived here.  I just said "Your grandchildren will be SO disappointed.".

There is no easy answer my Dear.  

I would call her and say you need to sub and you're very sorry your visit will need to be cut short.

Although, you have cleared your schedule, you have introduced an alternative for future visits.

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So they were bringing 6 people to dinner and wouldn't even bring a fruit bowl?  She had the nerve to tell you it was too expensive?  OMG!  When you said the grandkids would be dissapointed did you mean they were uninvited or they would be dissapointed about no fruit??

[Shihtzursqmom]

House_cat when I was growing up our house was like yours every family member or friends my parents or grandparents had from out of town ended up at our house during their vacations
A week or two at a time
My mama and grandma cooked every meal they ate because we lived in a rural town and there wasn’t restaurants around nearby
They’d go out and do things after breakfast and be back for lunch , after lunch they’d go off again and be back in time for supper
Every bed in the houses were occupied and kids was all over the floors on blankets/ quilts including us
We had to give up our beds for weeks while different families visited
When I married their children started calling me about coming for a visit
I have never once let any of them come for a visit or never will I tell them about the hotels we have here nearby
And to let me know when they are arriving and I’ll meet them for a visit
If I have visited their town I always stay in a hotel
after seeing how hard my mama and grandma worked I don’t have any regrets for not having them visit my home

[Luvsmyfam]

@housecat I feel your frustration big time.If I was you,I would not turn down any teaching jobs.I would explain you have to have that extra income to make ends meet
I have been in the same situation and the worry was awful

[Shanus]

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@house_cat wrote:

I retired last year and I'm trying very hard to live within my means on a drastically reduced income.  Since moving here 2 1/2 years ago, I have had frequent overnight guests, some staying as long as 10 days. 

This week a friend is visiting and I cleared my schedule, which means turning down four days of substitute teaching income, as well as having to fund expensive sightseeing adventures.

I'm blessed to have people in my life who want to see me, but the cost of it is quite burdensome.

How do you handle the cost of having houseguests?

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@house_cat   !omdays is an awfully long visit!!! If it's friends or family staying that long, they should understand when you explain your finacial situation. Knowing your limits is important and I'd tell them to pitch in with groceries and help around the house cleaning up after themselves to make it easier for you. 

You know, you can limit the days folks visit ahead of time. 

[sarahpanda]

Turn about is fair play !  Make time to go stay with your friends for 10 days and let them experience what it's like to have guests for so long...Maybe they will make better decisions after that.

[goldensrbest]

You need to learn to say NO, cause according to your post,this allowing them to come,is bothering you.

[Lucky Charm]

I'm sure it would be hard for you to say NO as some posters said you should.  Or that *doesn't work for me*.  That sounds snooty.  No need to say it.

Or even offering a list of hotels for them.

It may even be hard to say you need the added income that you'll be turning down during their stay.

I know your friend is coming this week, so the 4 days you gave up is just unfortunate.

From this point on, just say in a spur of moment conversation when someone calls that your district is experiencing a lot of absenses and you're really needed. 

Make up an excuse that you've committed for someone on maternity leave.  That will give you more time to free up till the school year is over.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with guests at my home if I was at work all day--I know that wouldn't bother many, but I'm just that way.

If they do come during the school breaks/summer months and want to do *excursions*, choose whether you want to go or not.  They shouldn't be insulted by that.

You probably started right out the gate offering to pay to go to places as they were your guests at your new home.  But they should've reciprocated in some way.  Don't back down if they do offer.  Let them know how much that would mean to you if they did.  They'll *get it*.

[Hayfield]

My husband & I are going on a 12 trip to Florida, it's a golf trip, though we're only golfing about 4 times and we're seeing friends and family on the way down and on the back.  I am not staying with any of them and all said we were welcome to stay with them!  This is my vacation and we're staying in Marriott Residence Inns along the way.  I did contact my friends and family and told them we'd love to meet them for lunch/dinner or do something with them on the days we're not golfing, whatever fits their schedule.   I would never stay with any of them anyway for more than two nights anyway, they have lives and schedules too, whether they're still working or retired, to expect anyone to block off 10 days is really rude beyond rude, unless you're staying at their house for 10 days when you visit them!   We also take them to dinner, bring them their favorite wine, or whatever they like to drink, eat or a simple decorative item they might like, if I know their taste.  Having people in your house is work!  I don't expect anyone to be my maid or cook. 

[Bri369]

I can't imagine staying with someone for 10 days and expecting them to fund my activities/excursions or lose out on work.   That is taking advantage of someone's hospitality, IMO