Among Friends

[KLm]

@house_cat  All these replies are supportive and great advice.

My position is this: as your friend, I would want to help you. I'd do whatever needed doing to make my stay not be a burden to you. I would want you to tell me what I could do, if I don't figure it out on my own. I am not visiting to create more work for you but to be with you.

If this is not how your hospitality is being received, perhaps you should reconsider hosting your "friends".

[Mom2Dogs]

@house_cat  You are more gracious than I am.  A 10 day visit is extreme  in my opinion.

Let alone partially funding the trip..do you feel you need to pay for expenses to events and meals?

Its to late for this visitor but in the future I would find a kind way of either limiting the number of days for staying at my home and if I wanted to work, I would work.

My sister stayed with me several years ago for a few days, (we are not close) I tried to be as cordial as I could but honestly it was not a good visit. We have nothing in common which made conversation difficult, thank goodness I went into work each day.

[mspatmac]

@house_cat 

I appreciate how you feel but may I ask if all your guests close friends or family? I think it's time to be honest with them.  Your true friends/family should understand and those that don't are just using you.

Simply say that due to a change in your circumstances you are in no position to  host them as you used to.  It's necessary you pick up a many substitute classes as possible and are needed with little advance notice.

Depending on their response go from there.   Good luck and stay strong 

[homedecor1]

@house_cat 

When I first moved to FL I had constant visitors which I did enjoy and of course, I'd change my schedule to entertain them.

Then I had to set limits -- I 'd food shop and pick things I thought they'd eat or like then we'd go out to lunch

& dinner so stuck with excess food.

Then they'd want to visit theme parks or other places which were costly.  I finally told them I'm not going most times I'd already been there & it was too costly.

Now, I tell my guests they are welcome to come -- they can go to food store pick what they want to eat, visit places they'd like, etc. and I'll pick what I want to participate in.

Cooking and cleaning up after them was a issue to.  Plus, they always used my car.  Having company is exhausting and costly! I love company but it's a lot of work 

My new rule is I put new roll of toilet paper on spool when it's done so is their visit😉🤣.  I limit my houseguests to 5 days maximum (not my kids) that's sufficient I'm not a hotel.

[jackthebear]

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@house_cat wrote:

@jackthebear 

I appreciate the advice, but it seems impossible to me.  If a friend says they want to visit me, I can't say no. I think that would be terribly hurtful.

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how long are they staying?

are you not to going to work b/c they are in town

it's hurtful to freeload as well

can't have it both ways

[jackthebear]

I used to read a forum called Eitquette Hell

stuff like this came up often

it is where I got JADE from you don't have to justify or explain your position if people are pushing back

also 

That isn't possible is a good one

as I am getting older it's getting easier to ask for what I want 

[candyagain]

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@ThinkingOutLoud wrote:

Use the sandwich approach at the beginning and just make sure that when you're with them, you're not on the phone, etc so they don't feel like you're not happy they're there. This will give you some wiggle room so you can substitute teach and hopefully not have to cover the cost of every meal either?

"Great - so glad you're coming. It'll be wonderful to see you.

I'll be able to spend a couple/few days doing some things with you but I have other engagements part of the time so you'll be able to explore on your own as well.

I'm really excited and look forward to your visit."

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Just say no.

[judianne]

This reminds me of when my daughter and her new husband moved to San Diego CA . They had so much company from Minnesota , relatives wanting to see the sights ,Disney , Hollywood, Zoo , etc , that by the time we , her dad and l and her little brother came out the son-in-law was all worn out from driving people around ! He had been to those famous places so many times with visitors that when we went to Disney , he made us leave at noon just as the famous Disney parade was starting . He said it was a good time to get out of there ! I don't blame him but we missed the best part of Disney . We bought all the tickets for all the attractions and paid all the gas and food and hotel we stayed at Disney . If l had to do it again I would plan on seeing the sights without them, it not only would of been a lot cheaper but would of saved them from having to take off work and go to stuff that they already saw numerous times . It's a good thing to think about when visiting relatives and friends that live in a high attraction area . I would never do that to anyone again . 

[GingerHead]

@house_cat 

Hang up a little sign that says

"Guests and Trash start to stink after 3 days"  Maybe they'll get the hint

haha

[house_cat]

Okay, I finally had the time to read through all the responses and all I can say is, "Wow!"  There is some sage advice on these boards!  Thank you for all your responses, some of which made me laugh out loud... like the toilet paper suggestion! I love it, but I'd have to stop buying the mega sized rolls!

I'm not sure what I said to make so many of you think I have guests for 10 days on a normal basis. Most of my guests stay two or three days and some only one night on their way to and from somewhere else. On those occasions I feel a bit like I'm running a B&B, but they are friends and relatives and it's nice to see them.

To whomever it was who asked me if I make it a habit of staying 10 days at anyone else's home, the answer is "absolutely not"! In fact, I don't stay at anyone's home, other than my inlaws.  I went to Florida to see my niece two weeks ago and I stayed in a hotel.

The one exception is my closest friend who lives in Colorado.  She left California at the same time I did and we made a promise that she would visit here every autumn and I would visit there every spring.  We each spend one week visiting and it's the highlight of my year.

To make a long story even longer... I really didn't mean to complain about having visitors. My concern is the amount of money it costs to entertain them.  I was wondering how others handle it and I got some excellent advice.

Thank you all for being my forum friends. The insight I get here is always appreciated.