Among Friends

[viva923]

several years ago in dh old business place of work, there was a party being thrown for his division. he was told wives were OK to bring if wanted.  well some of the unmarried guys were not happy with any S.O. being invited. Well the rules were changed and dh was NOT notified of this change. I was the only lady at this all male event. talk about feeling like an sore on a thumb that no band-aid would cover. We were to far from home for me to drive back home without dh (he had no way to getting home). I stayed at the dinner and ate. DH talked with a few guys friends, we left after about an hour of dh talking with some of his division buddies. I can't remember if they ever had another event like this ever again at his old place of business.

this husband could be controling and need to see what ever his wife does at all times. Or as someone else says,he may not have any friends he can associate with.

just ignore the husband and have fun.

[Carmie]

I'd ignore it and not make a big deal of it.  It's not worth it.

My daughter's baby shower invitations went out to women only. In her in-laws family, all of the men showed up with their wives.  The shower was set up to be a tea party with fancy table clothes and antique dainty tea cups and saucers. A table was set up buffet style with food and desserts.

The men ate more than any women could and there was not enough food for everyone to get a little of everything.

My daughter's maid of honor and her bridesmaids hosted the event and went to a lot of trouble to make it nice. They were very upset.

I had to run out to Sam's Club and buy premade food items so everyone could eat.  Wouldn't you know that the men again tried to raid the food table  again when I put the second round of food out.  Some of the ladies hadn't even eaten yet.

I had to ask them to sit down as everyone hadn't eaten.  When they were done eating, they went into another room to watch TV.

I asked my daughter why men showed up uninvited at a baby shower.  I have never seen a man at a baby shower before,  except for the father usually at the end when the festivies are over.  She said her DH's family always does this for family functions.  This was not their family function as their family didn't host it.

Some people have no respect or manners, but it doesn't do any good to make an issue of it.  I'll only causes hard feelings and high blood pressure.

[Sooner]

This is SO foreign to me.  In any group of friends I have, if one of the guys wanted to come along we'd say sure, come on.  We mostly do things with mixed groups, married couples AND singles.  We all have a great time together and can laugh and tease and have serious discussions.  We have several single guys and none of us think about is it girls only, guys only or couples only. . . 

I think the guys always add a fun element and sometimes a different take on things, so no, we wouldn't think a thing about it.  I was too put off I think by the women only 1950's get togethers my mom had when I was really little, which were too often oversharing about things best kept private and gossip and complaining.  Good night that's all that group of women wanted to do.  Maybe I see the guys as a lid on that sort of thing.

[qualitygal]

That's when we recognize the guy as the cleanup committee.

For instance, when I worked at a library...we had all kinds of signs up that the library could be closed. A library...reading right? Signs, not to go in...well, for those that didn't think it meant them...hahahaha, the librarian said, oh you must be the volunteers to help us move all these books, before the new carpet goes in. She was so nice and gracious, they couldn't refuse. We got some good helpers out of that!  

[chickenbutt]

Wow, Carmie!   Sorry those guys ruined it for her.  You'd think they would realize, based on the invitation, who WAS invited.

Do some people not understand the social construct that if an invite says 'Jane Smith' it means ONLY Jane?   If it says 'Mr and Mrs Jim Smith' or 'Jane Smith and guest', that's equally obvious.   Well, I guess not to everybody.  SMH  

[Cookie2025]

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@sassenach1 wrote:

This husband is behaving like a controlling jerk.  I understand your frustration.  This is only about control.  It is not about him wanting to socialize.

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If the Husband was like Phil Dumfee from Modern Family - YES ! - otherwise, NO.

Maybe the neice invited him and did not want to tell you.  One of my GF's did this one evening when 10 or so of us where getting together for an outdoor concert.  Pee-O'd was not even the beginning .... we have not invited her out for a girl's night since.  She just brought him along ...

[sarahpanda]

I , personally, wouldn't have minded the guy coming along.  Maybe it's been a while since there has been a family get together and he wants to join in the fun also.  But like you said , there have been many deaths in your family recently....so I would choose to cherish the company of everybody, no matter their sexual gender...life is oh so short.   Love them and enjoy them while you can .  When you are having a gathering of people, choose the route that is closest to everyone being happy - then you will be happy too.

[Moonchilde]

My personal experience with the husband/wife stuck like glue was my mom and step-dad. She wouldn't go anywhere without him except very unwillingly, and usually just wouldn't go (wherever). He needed to be her Everything, every minute of every day. He was extremely controlling and domineering towards everyone and everything, and my mom and I were part of that - like possessions. For reasons of her own, my mom nearly always went along with this, unprotesting. Uck.

If it were me, with my experiences, I would hope to make him very uncomfortable and want to leave after a short time. His wife will be the loser. Maybe she'll get a clue next time or drop out. Either way you'll have The Girls back again.

[Catty2]

My first thought is it's rude to break the rules.  I can understand why you are disappointed after all that planning and anticipation.  What the heck - can't he just stay home one night.  Maybe he'll change his mind? 

[ladyroxanne]

he should be treated graciously regardless of the circumstances.  to treat him otherwise will reflect poorly on you. 

he should not be there and i strongly agree about this, but the hostess should be firm stating he is not welcome per the invitation prior to the event.

if he does come then there is not much you can do other than not invite either of them for any anything in the future.

really, what is with some people!