Grandmother's dilemma - Page 4

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

I kept thinking about this post. And I thought about my parents and my husband's parents. When my husband called his parents to tell them that our son was just born. The first words out of his Mother's mouth was "I hope you don't expect us to babysit him." Not sure what made her say that. I quit working and was going to go back to work when he started school, in another 6-7 years. We never planned or talked to her about babysitting. So my husband's parent babysat our son - once - for about 3 hours. And they melted the Tupperware containers of food we sent. I often wondered if they did it on purpose.

My Dad would have loved to watch my son more often than he did. He always enjoyed playing and interacting with him. My Mom wanted me to be available to her every whim. If she wanted me to go to a museum, or take a tour etc. She wanted me to go with her. But she did not want my son to come with us. My Dad would often end up babysitting but when my son was about 9 months old, my Dad had a stroke and lost the use of his right side. So we lost the one parent who would be interested in watching our son.

It is sad that my son didn't know his Grandparents well. And clearly that is not your case. But there must be a happy medium. I hope you find it.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@drizzelllawrote:
I kept thinking about this post. And I thought about my parents and my husband's parents. When my husband called his parents to tell them that our son was just born. The first words out of his Mother's mouth was "I hope you don't expect us to babysit him." Not sure what made her say that. I quit working and was going to go back to work when he started school, in another 6-7 years. We never planned or talked to her about babysitting. So my husband's parent babysat our son - once - for about 3 hours. And they melted the Tupperware containers of food we sent. I often wondered if they did it on purpose.

My Dad would have loved to watch my son more often than he did. He always enjoyed playing and interacting with him. My Mom wanted me to be available to her every whim. If she wanted me to go to a museum, or take a tour etc. She wanted me to go with her. But she did not want my son to come with us. My Dad would often end up babysitting but when my son was about 9 months old, my Dad had a stroke and lost the use of his right side. So we lost the one parent who would be interested in watching our son.

It is sad that my son didn't know his Grandparents well. And clearly that is not your case. But there must be a happy medium. I hope you find it.

Oh that's very hurtful.

Some people only view events as how they affect them......

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

I feel your pain, may I repeat what Eleanor Roosevelt once said? "No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Just tell them, you have plans when it's not convenient for you and your husband.

Regal Bee · ‎07-20-2017

As long as you continue with this pattern, the problem will continue. Learn to say no.....you can do it! It is okay to want your own life at times. Lots of luck.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

I feel that a child deserves to be in the care of his mother/father most of the time. No one paid to care for a child, other than perhaps a nanny, will care about the child as his parents do. I only wanted one child, I stayed home with that child. My mother took care of him on Wednesdays so I could have a day to do as I pleased. She also took care of him Saturdays overnight so my husband and I could have a night to ourselves.

Daycare workers are just that, low paid workers, they do not love your child. When the child is retrieved after work it's a rush to get dinner, often a pick up from a restaurant or, worse, McDonalds. Then it's getting the child to bed and the next morning a rush to get the child up fed dressed and dropped off. If you aren't willing to commit to caring for your child yourself than remain child free.

Hoovermom · ‎03-19-2010

I should start by saying that I am not a grandmother yet. When I am out shopping and I see older grandmothers struggling to get strollers, diaper bags, etc., along with the DGchildren out of their car, makes me feel sad for them. Yes, I don't know the situations that have prompted them to be taking care of these young children but sometimes it is such a struggle for them to handle. I know most of us would do whatever we needed to do to help our grown children out. I don't want to be given the responsibility of taking care of my DGchildren without talking it over with them first.

Happiness Is Inside JOB · ‎06-14-2016

I think kids should not depend on their parents, that is why I had no kids, one of many reasons. But I am not "close" to my mother and I did not want to be dependent on her help! I did not want to NEED or rely on her. When you are not close with someone you think of those things.

Here in my area unfortunately many grandparents are raising grands Fulltime....because otherwise the kids would be in foster care. I feel sorry for so many grandparents!!

Happiness is ALWAYS an inside job,
Don't assign anyone else that much POWER
in your life!!!

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

Don't you know the word, "No?" You can't be taken advantage of without your approval. Your grandchildren's parents probably don't know that you don't want yo babysit. Speak up.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

What would happen if the parents were to die? I can tell you. The kids would and could come up with their own options. They would have to! There comes a point in life where our children need to be able to figure things out on their own. Until they do that.... they never really grow up. I actually feel we do them a favor when we "let' them solve their own problems. Parents aren't going to be around forever. If Grandma and Grandpa want to....that's great! If they don't....that should be fine, too.

You can tell a lot about a person when you say the word "no" to them. Everyone has the right to say "no" and have it respected.

Even parents of adult children.